Wishing for Normality
by Deany88
Summary: After her first kiss, with a boy from her school, Renesmee finds her and Jacob's relationship is more complex than she has been led to believe. With only months left until she reaches full maturity; we see how her battle against the imprint, her family and even the Volturi for her right to a normal teenage relationship, will ultimately affect her and Jacob's future.
1. Prolouge

Prologue 

**Jacob**

I hated school. I hadn't hated it when I was there, or more to the point the few occasions I had managed to drag myself there, I had loved being around other kids, messing around during lunch, making up a daily excuse for why I hadn't done any work in the last two or three years. It wasn't my experience of school that I hated, it was Renesmee's. I hated Renesmee being at school. The endless eight hours that separated us were a slow painful torture that I felt I would never adjust to. She had only just hit a point where she had stopped aging at a speed that would seem suspicious; she rarely changed appearance now, hitting puberty around the age of five. Weird huh. Resulting from this, the one thing she so desperately wanted to do was to go to school and the one thing I most desperately wanted was for her to stay home.

I had been laying on her bed for the last two hours, only getting up before that to make myself some lunch or rather getting Bells to make me some lunch, which was fair seeing as everything took her mere seconds to accomplish with her vampire efficiency, making it logical for me to mope and for her to do all the work. The aching I felt when I was apart from Renesmee for too long is the same feeling you get when you haven't eaten in too long, that sense of painful emptiness. Now I know that sounds hopelessly pathetic but I wasn't proud of it, it was something I couldn't escape from, I was jealous of everyone who was getting to spend time with her, anything that got to see her laughing or that crinkled nose that formed when she got confused. I didn't make it easy on myself, I could have tried to distract myself, do some patrolling, though there was nothing more boring than looking for enemies that simply didn't exist at this point; running around in circles chasing my tail basically. I could have seen the guys, gone down to La push but I knew they would all be with their imprints and that would be a small hell of its own for me.

So I had instead decided to place myself there, on her bed, staring at the clock on the right upper corner of her laptop and count down the seconds until she came home.

Eventually, after what had seemed like a whole year had passed, I heard her voice from downstairs, my heart jumped so hard that I swear it hit into my ribcage, which felt like it was holding it hostage from its owner. I waited a few more long moments and then she burst into the room all a flutter, speaking in a pitch only a bat could hear and at a speed not even Bella's vamp ears could grasp.

"Ahhh, I just had the most amazing day! I can't believe that just happened! I don't know if dad will be mad that I walked him to the house, oh well he'll get over it."

I rolled my eyes impatiently, she was always gushing over her days at school, she was having a love affair with her academia, she would have an 'amazing' lesson, or a 'magical' lunch hour, and then spend the rest of the night describing it to me as if it were a first date.

"Don't mind me Ness, I've only been here bored for the last hundred hours." I moaned.

She spun around to meet me as if she had forgotten I was there already, then meeting my eye she beamed at me affectionately. "Jake, I told you to not lie around in my room moping anymore while I'm at school. Go to la push, or help mum out with something, or spend the day at Emily's with the guys. Don't wait here for me all day, it makes me sad. "

"Makes me sick." I mumbled under my breath.

She put on that cute stern look that I loved so much; sometimes I would purposely drop something or say something cheeky, just so I could create that look. "Jake! Please can we not get into this_ again? _I'm not going to give up school and you do not get sick because I'm there, that is ridiculous."

I became mad that she didn't understand my point of view and that she wasn't feeling what I was feeling.

"Do you not think it's hard for me too?" She accused me. "I feel it too when we have to be apart, you know that. You know I get the imprint stuff too. It's hard to be apart but I have to learn and you don't make it any easier by guilt-tripping me every day."

'The imprinting stuff' to her was that we were best friends, not soul mates. No one had explained to her the real weight of what was between us, and Edward had made me promise not to tell her until she was ready for a relationship. As for the subject of school, she was right of course but that didn't mean I liked it. "What were you squealing about when you came in?" I asked deciding to completely changing the subject.

Her eyes lit up once again, "A guy."

I rolled my eyes for the second time; this was another thing that was common. Renesmee had reached that age where every guy that spoke to her was the next news headline, whether it was asking if she had a pen or telling her she had tissue stuck to her bag. For me, the imprint/soul mate this at first was a painful torture but over time had become an amusing routine, where she gushed over the latest heart throb and I sighed in disapproval and stopped listening.

But that day, as she gave me the play by play of how a boy had come up to her after school, asked her if she was new in town and then offered to walk her home, I should have been paying close attention. If I hadn't let my mind drift to what would be cooking at Emily's that evening and whether Edward would let me take Ness to the reservation out late that night, I would have heard Renesmee describe how this guy hated apples too and didn't like the way they stuck in his teeth, how he loved to read as well and his favourite book was by Dickens, how he had a sister and she was twelve and that he had asked if they could walk home together from now on and she had said that she'd like that.

"Are you even listening?!" She derailed my train of thought.

I laughed carelessly, "No. Ness I couldn't care less. Do you think Edward would let you out late tonight? I was thinking we could do something with the guys."

She shook her head in a frustrated manner, "I don't know, I'll ask...I listen when you talk to me." She moaned.

"I was listening." I lied. "What was the guy's name again?" I asked just to cover myself and seem interested.

"James." She replayed dreamily.

I laughed playfully at her and patted the space next to me on the bed which she immediately filled, twisting onto her side and resting her head on my shoulder. Only then did the empty aching in my gut fill full as I let myself drift off into a content doze, comforted by her light breath tickling the side of my chin.

I didn't know it then but the name 'James' would be one that stayed with me for the rest of my life and if I had known then what I know today, if I had known the chaos that name would bring into our happy existence or exactly how much was on the line and how hard I would have to fight to keep it, then I would have told her then never to see him again; I would have without a moment's hesitation crushed that name from her existence, for his sake not for mine.

But I didn't know, instead I dozed happily by her side in a moment of complete happy ignorance, not realizing that the chain of events that would lead up to the hardest decision of my life, had just been set into motion.

Starting right at the beginning a month from then, with a kiss…


	2. Chapter 1 Renesmee

1

Renesmee:

There were teenagers who spent their time wishing for excitement, dreaming of a world of mystery; where the unimaginable occurred and the unexplainable was a reality … I spent my time wishing for normality…

I had been sitting watching the receiver for over an hour, my eyes blurred. It had been six hours since he stormed out of my room, and yet the harsh sting of separation obviously wasn't mutual, as he was not returning my calls.

"Nessie?" a voice intercepted my thoughts; I flinched with the abrupt shift to the present moment. Mum was standing in the doorway, with a familiar look of concern.

"I'm heading out to Carlisle's." She was never a pusher; she would rather suffer with the curiosity silently, than push me into an awkward conversation. This worked for both of us.

I shifted my desk chair around to face her, forcing an unconvincing smile.

"O.k. I'm just doing some homework; I'll see you when you get back". School was the one shot at normality I had; homework, lectures, normal friends who weren't werewolves, schoolboys… but then again that's what got me into this situation.

She nodded but did not seem to be turning to leave; instead she lingered in the doorway, fighting some sort of internal battle.

She spoke hesitantly; "I …haven't seen Jacob much today…you two get into a fight?''

_**Jacob, **_the name circled in my thoughts. There was no category to place him in, best friend, but that word seemed awkward and inadequate. We had been friends forever, but since I had met James he had been holding back from me. **James**, I let my mind drift back to the night in my truck where James had kissed me; his smooth hands, my quivering lips and the smell of wet hair.

"Renesmee?" mum prompted, wanting my attention. I found this whole confused act she had going on very pointless, as we both knew dad had already heard all of my thoughts and relayed everything back to her. If she was trying to pretend she was none the wiser for my sake, she needn't bother.

"Dad told you what happened." I said, trying to break her act. She seemed caught out, but took a step forward as if she was finally allowed to tell me what she wanted to.

"He told me that Jacob stormed out earlier, said it was over a boy." She admitted.

"James." I confirmed. "He kissed me." I stated this abruptly to see if she already knew, her calm expression, void of shock, confirmed she did.

"Dad told you that too?" I added, already knowing the answer.

"Yes" she admitted. She sat down on the edge of my bed, gliding effortlessly. I couldn't help compare myself to her, she was so beautiful, and my half human imperfections stopped me from ever achieving the frozen beauty that she possessed. "And you think Jacob is mad?" she enquired.

Jacob and I were always arguing, there wasn't anything unusual or pressing about us bickering, but I had a deep feeling in my gut, that had plagued me for the last two days which told me something wasn't right, something that had kept me from running to the reservation and demanding to be seen.

I gave up trying to pull away from her and gave in, focusing my attention to the floor sheepishly. "He won't talk to me…won't take my calls." I confessed.

Mum sighed, knowing the conversation was now really in motion.

"What do you think he's mad about?" she coaxed.

My gaze was still frozen downwards, "I don't know…I…" I tried to think through several of the scenarios I had ran through in my head over the last hour; why he would be mad about James kissing me, why he would storm out on me without any explanation, but ultimately I came back to the same result. "…I don't know."

Mum was quiet for a moment; she seemed lost in thought as if she was on the verge of saying something. Then she snapped up, "Well why don't you go over to the reservation and find out.'' This came as a conclusion rather than a question.

I looked at her hopefully. "Will you go first and talk to him?" Mum had a way with Jake, he listened to her, and she could get through to him. I tried to stare her down with my sad eyes.

"O.k. Fine' she caved. 'I'll go on the way." She sighed with a roll of her eyes.

"What are you doing at Carlisle's?" I wondered.

"Esme is going to try and organize a route plan for Italy with me." She said.

Italy. Every year we all had to take a trip to visit the Volturi; Aro was fascinated with me and demanded annual inspections of my growth and general well-being until I reached full maturity, which put everybody on edge. This was my seventh year, but that was the last thing on my mind today, as it wasn't for another two weeks and my travel partner was dead in a ditch for all I knew.

"Please get him to talk to me." I sighed.

"I could always get your father to walk to the edge of the reservation and try and make out what Jakes thinking?" she suggested optimistically.

I look at her unconvinced. "Dad only makes things worse when it comes to Jake", I assured her, and I knew she agreed as she laughed a little and nodded, stepping up and towards the door.

"O.k. kiddo won't be long." She half smiled at me, "give me an hour and then follow me up to the edge of the reservation." And with that she left the room.

Silence engulfed me again, only dad distantly playing on the piano downstairs. A moment passed and I returned to gaze at the receiver, I picked it up, dialled the number, which was now permanently embedded onto my brain… it rang like clockwork…and then cut out. I let the phone drop hard onto the desk…another moment passed…and then I redialled.


	3. Chapter 2 Bella

2

Bella:

Pulling into la push in the pounding rain, I start to think this was all heading for disaster. What was I even planning to say to him? Renesmee is upset, talk to her? Would that be enough? I shuddered at the thought of how complicated all this was becoming, how Jacob must be feeling. As I pulled in towards Billy's through the blanket of rain covering the windscreen I could see a figure pacing in front of the house; Jacob. He was there as expected, even though he basically lived at our house, and had his own room at Carlisle's, whenever he was missing I knew I could find him where he felt most comfortable and close to the pack.

I jumped out of the car, suddenly needing to comfort him, even after all this time I still couldn't stand to see him suffer, and I could tell, he was suffering.

Jacob heard me coming before I reached him, which was impressive considering how fast I move, he turned and looked at me for a split second and then turned his face down fiercely. I hadn't seen him like this in a long time; his eyes were hard and steady. I tried to catch his gaze; he did not seem angry, but concentrated, as if he were trying to hold something in. I approached him, determined, but the closer I got the further he edged away.

"Of course they sent you." He muttered to himself distancing himself from me.

"No one sent me Jake" I lied, "I wanted to come. Where have you been?" I asked him, trying to give him space.

He did not reply but stayed very calm, cold, looking downwards. We stayed like this for a while, me waiting for him to speak, him frozen in some sort of trance.

"Jacob!" I finally pressed, stepping towards him to steal his attention from the ground. His arms went up defensively, violently towards me, keeping me away.

"Don't touch me Bells!" he bellowed, the words stung. They shocked me into anger.

"What do you mean don't touch you? Talk to me, what's going on? …" He started pacing; his movements precise, swift. "`Jake look at me!" the words came strong; I had to get him to talk to me fast before Nessie turned up.

To my surprise he looked up, mechanically, his eyes sorrowful. We stared at one another; his eyes softened and hardened as if he were fighting to decide whether he liked me or hated me.

"Jacob?" I let my defences go, he wasn't happy to see me, and he didn't want to talk, but that didn't mean I had to comply. "What's happened?" I pressed.

He took a sharp breath and spat his words out just as quickly. "He kissed her." He looked in pain, like the words cut him.

"I know" I established. "Edward heard Nessie…"

Jacob was furious; pacing, shaking, his body convulsing as if it were about to explode. "I want to break his neck!" He cut in, shouting violently. "I want him dead!" The shock from his anger paralyzed me in place, staring out at him, rain dripping from every edge of my body. I was suddenly very relieved I had gotten to him before Renesmee.

He looked at me fiercely, "I can't control this anger, and it won't stop coming if she keeps seeing him." He looked at me in agony; I could see hesitation in his eyes, as something helplessly played on his lips.

"What is it?" I questioned.

He stilled his body, as if he was channelling all his energy to be able to speak, "I can't be with her until she's stopped aging, but I can't handle her kissing low life school boys." He admitted hysterically, "I mean, what do we even know about this guy?" he demanded.

I thought for a moment, I didn't really know anything about James; all I knew was that he was from her school and had a car. "That he goes to her school and has a car." I offered truthfully.

He looked up at me surprised, a slight smile hiding in the corner of his mouth. I had calmed him slightly and this was my chance to talk.

"Jake." I tried soothingly, "Renesmee is confused, and she doesn't know why you are mad, you should explain this all to her."

Jacob looked up at me startled, as if that was the last thing he expected me to say. "What do you want me to tell her?" he queried.

I thought for a moment, "Well Edward thinks everything, about the imprint I mean. If she's kissing boys it means she should know." I explained slowly.

Jacob shook his head dismissively. "She's not ready. She's still young." He muttered.

As her mother I couldn't agree more, but as a rational human, I could see flaws in his logic. "She's not a child anymore, she's a teenager Jake, remember when we were teenagers?" I tried.

He cringed; probably remembering that being a teenager meant a lot of sexual and romantic angst. "I'll think about it." He gave as a final decision.

There was nothing else I could do with the time I had left; I had to get out of there before Nessie arrived. "O.k. well it's your call, but you'll need to tell her something." I told him affectionately.

"She's on her way so good luck… and no shouting". I added quickly as I ran to the car, before he had time to react.

Jakes eyes burst wide with shock, "what do you mean she's on her way?!" He called after me but I was already in the car and too far gone for him to bother being mad at me.


	4. Chapter 3 Jacob

Jacob:

I had waited for Renesmee on the edge of the reserve for almost an hour, not that I minded as every second that passed made me more hopeful she might not show. I had spent the first twenty minutes thinking of different ways to get back at Bella, the other forty frantically trying to think what to do.

What was I thinking? I could turn around and run into the woods, disappear for a few days, clear my head, maybe come up with something smart to say. But then I would have to return to a pissed off Cullen clan, and I didn't think even this situation was worth that hassle. Renesmee was such a complexity, no one was ever really sure what mental age she was, one day she would just say something or act in a certain way and we would all make note of how old that should make her. For me it was worse, I had been dreading the day some douche bag boy would ask her out, and I would know she was finally at the age when everything would change for us. Then I couldn't just be her brother or best friend because of our stupid hormones getting in the way. Now I'm waiting to tell her what? That the guy that had been posing basically as a family member all these years was actually meant to be the love of her life? Great, well no pressure there then.

Suddenly I was pulled to my senses, I could hear her, or more like feel her. She was close, maybe twenty meters off; this would be my last chance to escape.

A few moments later I could see her. She was wearing her grey hoody, pulled up over her head, snuggled in, hands deep in the pockets. It was clear to me she had been upset. Her eye's puffy as she approached me, stopping a meter off; close enough for her vamp senses to hear my heart beat.

I looked at her, analysing every inch of her, as if I could somehow physically assess if she was old enough, though I knew this was a lost cause. Having only been alive for seven years, physically she had been a young adult for a while, only slight things changed, but mentally I guessed she was around seventeen. This meant she only had less than a year until she reached full development, then she would stay that way for the rest of her existence.

What a head fuck, but basically I had already waited seven years for her, so how come waiting now seemed impossible.

She was staring at me with a void expression, not wanting to speak first. I took a deep breath…

"Nessie…I'm sorr…" I began.

"Why have you been ignoring me?!" She cut in. "I've called you a hundred times!" she stressed coldly.

Dam it; there went my chances of this going smoothly. I tried again… "Nessie, I know, I was..."

"You've never shouted at me like that before." She offered scornfully.

I had hurt her; I could see she was confused. Bella was right I would have to tell her, or else I would have to come up with some other excuse for being such a dick.

"Oi! Let me talk o.k." I asked light-heartedly.

She looked sheepish and nodded slightly. I took this chance to lay it out.

"I'm sorry I've been avoiding you." I started. It seemed the acknowledgement that I had in fact been ignoring her upset her even more as she withdrew into her hoody.

"I was mad." I admitted. This made her look up at me with a quizzical expression.

"I know you were mad Jake, but why? It is because you don't like James?" she mumbled.

I sighed; "It's not that I don't like James" I lied. "It's that I don't like him kissing you," wow that was the first big confession out of the way.

She looked confused "He's not going to hurt me." She assured.

It's me hurting him I'm worried about I thought, but instead said "let me finish."

She waited for me to continue.

"It's hard for me to hear about you being with other guys." It seemed the words 'being with' were a wrong choice as she instantly became more alert. She pulled down her hood and rolled her eyes as if she had just realized this whole thing was over nothing.

"You don't have to worry about me being with other guys Jake." She said in a patronizing tone like I was her dad. "It was just a kiss; we aren't doing it, so you don't have to get all freaked out and protective on me." She laughed.

My body started to shake, flashes of Ness and some guy 'doing it' invaded my mind. I felt like I was going to faint. She was suddenly staring at me with a confused expression, as I tried to grasp a hold of myself.

"Oh god, please never say 'doing it' ever again. Ever." I tried as a pathetic attempt to humour the situation.

She wasn't buying It, "What is going on with you?" she asked. "Are you o.k.?" she was looking at me like a doctor, concern crippling her face.

"Not really" I confessed.

She moved to cup her hands on my shoulders, keeping me steady. She pulled my face up tenderly to meet hers. "Talk to me." She pleaded.

It was over; whatever chance I had at getting out of this conversation without telling her the truth had just shrivelled up and died. She had sat down on the damp grass, waiting for me to join her and give her some answers. Her long hazel hair was twisting in the wind; I wanted to freeze her in that moment forever. Where I could keep her protected for myself for a year, but I couldn't, so I sat down and started explaining myself.

"You know I have told you before about imprinting?" I began.

She stilled, trying to remember what I had told her. "Yeah" she confirmed.

"What do you remember?" I asked hoping the answer would be nothing or everything so I wouldn't have to explain anything.

She mused aloud; "Well…it's why we're best friends."

_Kinda. _

"means…we don't like to be apart for too long."

_Sort of._

"Why you sometimes have to do what I say."

_Sometimes._

"A werewolf thing." She finished.

That was it? Crap, she really had no idea how deep this thing ran.

"It's more than that." I started. "It's powerful and kinda permanent." I continued and …I couldn't think, "I don't really know how to tell you." I admitted.

She looked disappointed. How was I going to tell her this? I needed the right words. I could explain how it feels, or how it felt when I first imprinted?

An idea hit me like a brick.

"But I could show you." I told her. She looked up at me with a challenging expression, unsure if she understood.

Renesmee had been born able to show people images from her thoughts, by touching them. As she grew, so did her abilities. She learnt to read other peoples thoughts; taking images they allowed her to see straight from their minds. I hadn't let her read my thoughts for a long time, basically since my thoughts started to become slightly R rated. I had kept her out of my head to protect her, but now it could give her the information she needed.

She shuffled towards me, slowly, unsure. "Are you sure?" She checked with me.

I nodded; she raised her hand to my temple, hesitating slightly. I took a deep breath and then gave her one last nod of encouragement.

She touched me and I closed my eyes and concentrated on my thoughts. I thought of the moment I first laid eyes on her, the images that flashed though my head; her as a child running through the forest with me in my wolf form, her as an adult with her long hazel hair and my feeling for that woman, that sense of wanting her. Lastly I showed her the final image I had seen the night she was born, of us together, wrapped into each other, wearing nothing but a ring laced on one finger of our hands.

She pulled back abruptly, panting, unable to catch her breath, her hands holding her head.

"Nessie?" I asked worriedly, holding her upright. She looked flustered.

"We're…we're…" she couldn't finish her sentence, but whatever we were from where she was standing, it didn't look good.

"What?" I urged.

She stopped and looked up at me, seeming numb. "We're married." She finished.

"No we're not." I laugh lightly. Great, out of all those images all she had taken away was that we might get married.

But she cuts in humourlessly, "yes we were. We were married…we…get married." She spoke breathlessly. "Do you not want me to go out with James… because you think one day you go out with me?" She accused as if pieces were all falling into place.

"Go out with you, it's not really a simple school boy crush." I laughed, because I was nervous, but she stopped me by smacking me hard in the jaw with her fist. Which sounds worse than it was as she knew a slap would feel like a pinch to me.

"Do you think this is a joke?" She cried. I held my jaw in surprise, wishing I wasn't a werewolf so the blow could have knocked me out and I could escape this whole situation. Tears were welling in her eyes, and I hoped not because I had badly bruised her hand with my face…

"And you knew about this all along?" She wailed at me.

I didn't see the point of back tracking now, "pretty much." I admitted.

She became hysterical, "You're selfish; you only did this now because I like James."

I looked guilty as hell, "I know it seems like that's what I've done…"

She thrashed at me madly, 'No that** is **exactly what you have done!"

She was crying heavily now, tears streaming down her face, I instinctively tried to comfort her, holding my hand out to brush her hair out of her face.

She pulled away fiercely, "don't!" She spat. "You don't know my life before I've even lived it; I get to choose my own actions!"

A deep disappointment reached her eyes as she composed herself and turned to leave, "You're meant to be my best friend, you should have told me before," she said with her back to me and then ran fast off into the woods.

I could have caught up with her in a second, got her to stop, but I didn't know what I would say to her, and suddenly for the very first time, I was glad she was gone. So that I could think, and so that I could regret everything that had just happened.


	5. Chapter 4 Renesmee

Renesmee:

I soared through the woods, trying to get as far away from him as possible, trying to escape from the reality of what had just happened. How many people knew about this? But I already knew the answer, everyone, everyone knew but me. A hundred thoughts were all slamming against my skull, demanding attention; I could not focus on any. I wished I were my mum so I could have broken his jaw, being only half vampire meant I would have barely bruised it, but I hoped it hurt enough to show a fraction of how upset I was.

I found myself at the front of our house, dad already waiting patiently for me by the front step, reading my mind as I thought about him reading my mind. Normal people didn't have to deal with such things. I gathered myself and approached him, brushing past him and walking through into the kitchen, he was already there by the time I got to the counter and was flying around the kitchen in a blur. Seconds later he presented me with an ice pack for my hand, a large hot chocolate, with marshmallows and whipped cream and a bowl of chips and dip; Jacob and I were the only ones who ate food, so the kitchen menu was pretty much just blood and junk food.

I was sure he was up to speed on what had happened. _Did you know_? I thought to myself, pressing the cold pack to my hand; it didn't hurt but I knew dad would be stubborn about it.

He kept his usual calm manner, lifting the ice pack slightly, as he examined my hand with his eyes checking for bruising. "What part?" he asked.

"That me and Jacob are betrothed." I say aloud sarcastically.

He thought for a long moment, "In a way."

He always took his time to think of the best possible way of phrasing things, which was something I loved about dad; he was never brash like Jacob. He came over to my side of the counter and stood near to me.

"We don't really understand much about imprinting on a high level…it's a wolf thing." He explained. But I knew there was more.

He seemed defeated as he spoke, "Yet from what I've seen, generally, in the end, they become romantically involved." He concluded hesitantly.

_For life!?_ I think, in disbelief.

He sighs slightly but nods. "If it's any consolation, I'm routing for you to be the exception."

I sat down in one of the counter seats and slouched onto the worktop, defeated. If dad thought I was going to end up with Jacob I really was cornered, as I couldn't think of anyone who would want that less.

"I didn't get much choice." He smiled.

_Join the club_, I thought.

"No one wanted you to find out too soon, when it would just be…" he paused trying to find the right word, I filled in the blanks for him; _twisted, disturbing, incest_. I teased shoving a chip into my mouth.

"…confusing." He interrupted quickly with a smile.

Mum who I knew had just been trying to listen to the entire conversation, but had given up filling in the physic parts, suddenly appeared in the doorway. I looked up at her with a hard stare, out of every one I had at least expected her to slip up and tell me. She joined us at the counter, taking a seat next to me. Even though being a vampire meant she never felt a need to rest, she would always play along for me, sitting with me at dinner, or lying with me on my bed. Dad mostly stood.

'You told him to tell me?' I asked turning to her.

She looked pleased with herself. "Yes, I knew you needed to know now." She said, while sucking a blood pack from the fridge that seemed to have instantly appeared in her hand. Sometimes their super speed gave me headaches.

Her words angered me, as _she had no right to keep it from me in the first place, I hated her for that_. Dad glared at me, one thing he would not tolerate was people bad mouthing mum.

I hated being trapped between them; it was like being up against two supermodel interrogators. I tried to speak up for myself…

"I can date James if I want." I declared, like the stroppy teen they expected me to be.

They both smiled at each other as if they found my rebellion nothing but cute, "of course you can, no one said you can't." mum comforted.

I buried myself into my creamy hot chocolate, knowing that _if I did see James it would hurt Jacob, but then again I wanted to hurt him, for lying to me_. Dad heard my worries and pulled me into his side reassuringly.

"Renesmee" he hushed. "You are such a unique girl, we could have never known with the rate you mature and grow, when would be the right time to tell you, or when you would be ready to understand." His words started to calm _my_ spiralling sense of betrayal.

"Jacob wanted to tell you a few weeks ago, when you first started talking to him about James." Mum added. "But we told him he had to wait until you had stopped aging until he could be with you…in that way."

Mum would throw herself in front of a bus for Jacob, metaphorically obviously, as in reality the bus would come off much worse than both of them. I looked to dad to confirm what she was saying, and he nodded slightly in agreement.

"We just didn't think things would move so quickly." Dad finished in a hard begrudging tone.

A pang of guilt rushed through me, _had I been too hard on Jacob?_

"No." Dad assured me with a smirk.

Mum was clearly having a hard time with all of this; she swivelled her chair around to face me and started to stroke my hair affectionately.

"Having a human boyfriend is very complicated." She lectured me.

_That's funny coming from someone who used to be a human dating a vampire I thought. _

"You'd have to hide so much from him." She continued.

_See and there I was planning to explain my vampire parents and my werewolf husband, I mocked._

"Renesmee, do not mock her, she is right. Listen to her" dad warned me.

Mum shot me an evil glare for saying mean things behind her back; in front of her face. I shoved several more chips into my mouth guiltily.

"Sorry, look I just want a normal boyfriend, I know it's complicated, but unlike Jake, I'm not planning to spend the rest of my life with James! I just like him, what am I meant to do? Just break things off with him because I've suddenly realized I have a husband I never knew about?" I vented.

Mum sighed heavily, "I don't think you really understand the imprint. It's not something you can ignore."

"I know, believe me the images are still pretty vivid." I assured her.

"Don't think about them." Dad cut in fiercely. He seemed suddenly nauseous, but then he was pale all the time so it was hard to tell.

Mum rolled her eyes and continued. "You may not think it's anything right now, but eventually you will want Jacob." She said this as a fact, I would want Jacob. And whether it was now of in a decade everyone knew we would end up together. I was fighting a losing battle.

"What shall I do?" I surrendered.

They both exchanged looks, I was glad dad couldn't read mums mind; it stopped them from secretly conspiring against me.

"I don't know Nessie." Mum admitted, "You can continue to see James, but you'll have to deal with the reality that Jacob will probably end up killing him." She joked.

"But then again when you end up with Jacob, you'll still have to deal with the reality that I will probably end up killing him." Dad smiled.

"Oh Great." I laughed with them, then groaned, exhausted at the whole conversation and downed the last of my chocolate.

"I'm going to my room." I informed them.

Mum pulled me into her for a slight moment, resting her icy head against mine, I breathed in her sweet smell and for a second my mind calmed. _At least I had awesome parents_, I thought.

"You're not too bad yourself." Dad told me, and mum realized I was thinking nice things about them and hugged me hard.

_Then again there are flaws to your awesomeness,_ I shot at dad over mums shoulder, "Try and keep out of my thoughts." I teased aloud to him.

Mum released me and I stood up to leave, turning slightly towards dad on the way out.

_If Jacob comes…send him up, _I instructed, and left them to discuss my absurd existence.

In my room I burry my head into my pillow, trying to suffocate my thoughts, this morning I was thinking about wet hair, first kisses, and the hope for a normal date. Now I'm thinking about imprinting and a best friend that was secretly my husband. What I would give to be normal.

Thinking about Jake gave me a headache; I wanted to think about my first kiss; James' wet hair, the sound of rain on the roof of the truck.

I wanted to talk to James.

I went over to my desk and picked up the phone, dialling a number I had scribbled on my hand a few months back and now had sprawled in biro on the edge of my desk.

It rang twice and then he answered.

"Hello?" he sounded like he was having a much better day than I was.

"Hey it's Renesmee." I informed him.

I could almost hear him smiling down the line. "Oh hello stranger, I thought you had finally broken down in that ancient truck of yours." He laughed. "I was just about to send out a search team."

I__instantly felt like I had escaped from my problems in my supernatural world and was now in reality. I hadn't been in contact with him since the kiss, firstly because I wanted to talk to Jacob about it before anyone, and then afterwards because I was too worried about Jacobs wellbeing.

I smiled to myself, "Nope. It's just fine, don't you worry I'll be driving it for at least another ten years."

"Good to know." He said with a chuckle.

There was an awkward silence, I thought of how I could step around what was on both of our minds.

James jumped right in; "so about that kiss." He said cheekily. "I quite liked it."

I laughed again "oh did you. Well that's a relief then." I joked.

"When can we see each other?" he enquired, "I would try and sneak you out to this party tonight, but I know you said your dad has sensitive hearing."

_That was the understatement of the century, but decided to go instead with; _"What party?"

"It's at that girl Beth's house. I'm going with tony and some other people." He informed.

I felt a pang of jealousy.

"But I'd rather be going with you." He teased.

"Sound's fun." I probably sounded as glum as humanly possible.

"What about if that friend of yours Jake came with you?" He asked hopefully. "Maybe your parents would let you come if you had a friend."

I nearly burst into laughter, rubbing my hands over my eyes, "No, that wouldn't help."

The mention of Jake brought on a sudden feeling of betrayal, I hated that I was hurting him.

"Anyway I've got to go." I pretended. "But have fun tonight o.k. stay out of trouble" I toyed.

He laughed, "Now where would be the fun in that?"

And I felt like a fifty year old. I wasn't going to be a teenager for more than another few months, if I didn't get into trouble now when would I? My whole family and Jacob had already had their teenage fun, why should I be deprived. Jake **was** my best friend, but even though we looked the same age in reality he was twenty four. I wanted to have fun with what was left of my teenage existence, and James could give me that.

I had changed my mind. "I'll come." I told him.

He seemed confused, "what? How?" he asked worriedly.

I smiled to myself, "Don't you worry about me, just pick me up at nine by the garage." I encouraged with a surge of excitement.

"Don't get in trouble it's not worth it." He warned.

"Hey, like you said; where is the fun in not getting in trouble." And before he could object I hung up.

_Now all I needed to do was get past my mind-reading dad, and deal with my best friend; the werewolf with a short fuse_. I decided I might be in need of some help.


	6. Chapter 5 Jacob

Jacob:

I dragged my feet as I neared the cottage, leaving plenty of time for Edward to hear me coming and meet me before I got too close, the last thing I wanted was for Renesmee to hear me and start round two. My mind ached, and for the first I could admit I was glad that Edward could read my thoughts, because I had no energy to speak, or pick the right words.

I saw him appear as I slouched against a tree, and slid down to the ground, _wishing it would swallow me whole_.

Edward slowly walked towards me chuckling to himself, "it's not that bad is it?" he asked.

I didn't look up at him but closed my eyes as if I was in pain; _it's worse_. I informed him.

He laughed and I allowed myself to look up at him unimpressed. _I hope you punished her for smacking me in the Jaw? _I thought.

He stood barely a meter away from me, looking downwards amused_. _"It's not the first time someone's tried to break your jaw is it,"he joked, finding this all too enjoyable for my liking.

_Yeah, like mother like daughter, _I thought flatly._ Ok so give it to me, what did she say to you? _

He was always eerily calm unless he was angry, so I knew at least he wasn't mad with me. I guessed he would already have collected the whole conversation from her thoughts by now_. True?_ I checked.

"True" _he established. _

I tried to look as helpless as I possibly could so he would pity me; he looked smug but gave in with a sigh "she said to send you up to her, if you showed up."

I shook my head in disbelief, _I think I've had enough for one day_, I assured him.

He breathed out a laugh, "I've calmed her a little, she'll go easy on you." he encouraged me.

Now it was my turn to laugh, "Sure, like that'll happen." I said aloud.

Speaking made everything come to the surface, I couldn't keep the act up with Edward anymore and I buried my head into my knees in exhaustion. To my surprise Edward bent down to meet me, waiting for me to think.

_I think she's immune_, I confessed. _Maybe this whole half bloodsucker thing has made her immune to the imprint_. Just allowing myself to think that became overwhelming.

But Edward just kept a hard smiled in that irritating all knowingly way he does, "she's not immune Jacob"' he reassured me, "She's a teenager."

I turned to him surprised, I was aware that he knew Renesmee better than anyone, so I was suddenly interested in what he had to say; this was a rarity.

He glared at me to let me know I was pushing it, so I laughed a little to myself and said aloud; "Sorry, continue."

He did; "She likes the boy because he's normal." He started, I was grateful he didn't say his name, as it had started to become my trigger for violent outbursts.

"'She envies how uncomplicated his life is, and she thinks that being with this boy makes her more human."

I thought about what he was saying, it was true that when she had started seeing the guy, all she really talked about was how simple his life was, and how normal it seemed when she spent time with him and his friends.

_And here I was thinking that being boring was a bad thing_. I joked.

Edward smiled but continued heavily; "and now that she's had her first kiss with him..."

I clenched my fists, trying to block Edward out from the hate I had for this insignificant guy, who had taken what was mine to have.

"She's become attached..." He finished.

_What about me though?_ I thought, frustrated.

He paused, considering the options, "She has a lot of questions." I sighed heavily, just what I needed.

"But the images you showed her have definitely changed things for her" he seemed to be struggling to speak; "let's just say her teenage hormones have certainly kicked in." He admitted begrudgingly.

_That must be pleasant for you_, I thought, but I could see there was no humour in what he had to listen to. Edward stood back up as if the deep moment was over, and we were back to strictly business.

"Are we still in agreement that you will not get involved with Renesmee until she has stopped aging?" he asked sternly.

I wished I could have said no, but in some ways I agreed, she was obviously still too young to deal with an imprint level of romantic commitment. Plus we still didn't know what the imprinting was like intimately, or what I could bare to withhold once we opened that door, after all she was only mentally seventeen. I stopped myself thinking, instantly remembering who was with me. _Sorry_ I thought.

He pressed his hands to his brow, "so am I." he assured me.

"We're still in agreement." I promised him, and he nodded thankfully.

For a moment I realized that sitting out in the woods with Edward was the most calm I had felt all day, I almost didn't want to move from the peace of it. Then I became aware that he was listening to me and I jumped up quickly to try and change the subject.

"Right, better get going and sort this out then." I spluttered.

He grinned; enjoying my awkwardness. "Try to remember the age she is mentally right now Jacob, you must talk to her as if she is a teenager, not an adult and most certainly not a wife." He warned.

"Right." I agreed. Then I thought of something, "Can you maybe go to Carlisle's for an hour?" I asked knowing I was pushing my luck, "it's just, I think it will be easier for me to talk to Nessie, if you're not listening in, if you know what I mean." I hoped he did.

He thought for a long moment and then nodded in agreement.

I turned and walked away towards the house quickly before he changed his mind, but a stupid voice in my head was telling _me I should stop and say thank you._

But he was already on to me, "You're welcome." He chimed in his creepy vampire voice from behind me. _Perfect_, I thought, I couldn't possibly lose any more points to the guy, and with that I ran fast off towards Renesmee.

I got to her bedroom door and paused trying to prepare myself, I would just have to lie my way out of any tricky questions, I thought convincingly. Treat her like a teenager, I reminded myself. Then her vamp senses got the better of me…

"Are you going to come in then?" She called; she sounded calm, at least that was something.

I opened the door and peered round, she was lying on her bed on her stomach, with her laptop open. I wondered if there was a half-vampire/werewolf problem page on the internet she had found.

She looked up at me to greet me, "Hey hubby." She mocked, absent of humour.

I sighed, already exhausted, I walked over to her and fell heavily across the bed, crushing her legs.

She laughed. "Don't mind me."

I lay with my head barely on the bed, my legs hanging off of the end. She ran her hand down the front of my t shirt, "you're clothes are still damp from earlier you should change." She instructed casually. "You're going to get my bed wet."

The idea of taking off clothes and her hands running down my front was already a bad start to the conversation, so I decided to keep things rolling before I got too comfortable, "You'll get over it" I joked.

She shook her head in a frustrated manner, but I knew she didn't really care.

"So, you have questions for me?" I prompted.

I knew we had to get this over and done with now while it was all still fresh. She didn't seem keen so I sat up on the bed and swung my legs round to rest next to her, then pulled her easily up to face me, very close, probably too close, but I could take it.

I smiled at her warmly, "O.K., hit me." I told her.

She smirked at me "I thought I already had" she joked cheekily.

"Oh yeah, remind me I owe you a punch in the face tomorrow." I joked, jabbing her in the ribs lightly, until she shrieked with laughter.

"I meant hit me with your questions." I used a slow tone as if she was stupid.

She became more serious and composed herself, looking at me intensely.

"Promise you'll tell me the truth. Don't lie to me anymore." She begged.

I felt defeated already, "o.k." I surrendered. She stared at me harder, pressing me for more. I had no choice but to give in if I wanted to keep her happy. "I promise." I confirmed, pulling her feet up to rest in my hands; keeping them warm.

She paused as if she didn't know which question to start with, and I held my breath hoping to pass out and miss it all.

"O.k." she began, "So what about before you imprinted on me?" she asked.

"What about it?" I replied easily.

"Well who did you want to be with then?" She asked curiously.

I'm screwed I thought to myself, I had just agreed to total honesty and now I was already completely out of my depth, as I didn't think she was quite ready for the whole, oh by the way I used to be in love with your mum story. Our whole life was like a bad soap opera.

I would have to think on my feet, "a girl" I answered, which was the truth.

She looked at me unimpressed but let it pass. "And you left her to be my baby sitter?" She mocked, one eyebrow coaxed in disbelief.

"No, we were never really together." I admitted. I could feel Edward's presence weighing down on me, urging me to be careful.

"Why not?" she pressed, shutting her laptop to give me her full attention.

I continued carefully, "she loved someone else." I shrugged off casually.

Renesmee thought about this, twisting her hair around her finger in concentration before she spoke, "but did you kiss and stuff?"

The question shocked me, which was probably naive as she was a teenage girl and they're all obsessed with that stuff. I had to tread extremely carefully around this one, "once." I gave her.

Absentmindedly I had begun to rub her feet, which was a good way to vent my nerves. She hadn't noticed much anyway as she was already thinking up her next torturous question.

'"What was it like?" She asked, I looked confused, "the kiss!?" she verified.

I panicked and said "slimy" in a disgusted voice to buy myself some time to think. She laughed but then waited for a real answer, her eyes weighing in on me.

I thought about lying, as this was weird territory even for us, but I decided to just tell her the truth, she was my best friend after all. "It was a relief." I told her.

She was transfixed on the conversation, her eyes focusing in on my lips, her body still, waiting for me to continue. "Why?" she breathed quietly, like we were schoolgirls swapping secrets.

"I had waited so long for her to kiss me, the moment it happened; I just felt relieved, like I was where I wanted to be." I ended, shocked at how honest I was being with her.

She seemed to have gotten very awkward and quiet; she pulled her feet from me slightly and looked down at the bed covers.

I had a suspicion what the matter was, "did you not feel relieved when you kissed him?' I asked curiously. She snapped up to meet my gaze as if I had caught her out. She shrugged her shoulders, embarrassed.

"Well, I thought I would never find that relief anywhere else." I told her. Nessie tilted her head up towards me with sad eyes, "but I did." I said, gesturing towards her with my fingers in a shooting motion. She smiled at me, blushed in the cheeks, heart racing, I was happy she still had some human imperfections.

We looked at each other for a long moment, knowing the worst was over, for today at least.

"There's a lot of things we need to work out still." She told me. "I'm still seeing James."

The name made me want to scream but instead I changed the subject completely, as wrecking her bed covers was one thing, but tearing apart her whole room wouldn't go down well with Bells.

"Let's not talk about that today." I smiled at her, "anything else but that." I gave her, which I would instantly regret…

Suddenly she seemed like a weight had been lifted, as if we had made up instantly and we were back to being best friends, she leaned forward, jittery, as if she had a million exciting things to tell me, "I can't stop thinking about us in that last image you showed me earlier."

My stomach sank; I knew exactly which one she was talking about.

Before I could speak she continued "I think we were having sex." She said abruptly, as if she had told me the winning lottery numbers.

The word sex slapped me in the face, like a child swearing at their parent for the first time. Thoughts of her naked body started to spiral out of control in my mind, as I tried frantically to block them out. Thank god Edward wasn't there, I thought, I knew that I would have been in huge trouble.

I stuttered like a kid, "Renesmee!" I laughed pathetically.

"What? You told me not to say **doing it**." She reminded me.

"Sex is worse, much worse. Go back to saying **doing it**." I pleaded.

She laughed, "O.k. well we were, doing it, weren't we?" she asked again.

I was hyperventilating; my mind was so messed up, was it weird? Was she ready for any of this? I looked up at her trying to hide it all, not giving her any expressions.

"I don't know." I tried warily.

"I think we were. I mean we were naked weren't we." She chatted hastily, "and we were obviously married, so it makes sense."

If it was possible to be Quileute and pale, I was achieving it in that very moment. "I hadn't really thought about it." I said lamely, putting her feet down and crossing my arms for support.

"I can't stop thinking about it!" she laughed as if it was all some fun mystery. "How have you known for so long and not thought about it?" she pressed.

"Nessie." I begged weakly. "Can we please not talk about this now?"

She looked confused, "why? Don't worry dads not back." She assured me as if that was the only reason I wouldn't want to be discussing our future sex life.

"I know!" she shrieked, as she lunged towards me, "Why don't you just show me again." She suggested as she moved her hands towards my temple.

"NO!" I shouted, pushing her back hard. Even one image of what I was thinking right now would be too much for her.

She seemed pleased with herself, as if that had been a trick to see if I knew the truth. I had to get out of there, before Edward got back and never spoke to me again. "I can't take any more questions today," I sighed, getting up off of the bed.

She looked shocked; she had no real concept of what she was doing to me.

"O.k. but are you coming back to stay over tonight?" She asked hopefully.

I laughed at the fact she even had to ask, the thought of me being in the same bed as her like I had a million times before, now made me want to explode. "Not for a billion mars bars." I warned her.

"Oh" she hummed disappointedly.

I couldn't take her feeling abandoned, so I walked back over to her and pushed her chin up towards me with my thumb. "Hey" I soothed. "You are my favourite person, you know that right?" I said.

She looked up at me and rolled her eyes, "yeah, yeah, only because of some werewolf spell." She grumbled.

For the first time all day I really laughed hard, "It's not a spell you idiot!" I teased. "You crack me up Nessie." I told her. She tried to push me away but I pulled her head in closer to me, "yes you're my imprint, but I would love you anyway." I assured her still giddy from laughing.

"Fine" She smiled seeming happier. "It doesn't matter anyway, because do not tell anyone but I'm going to a party tonight."

I suddenly went very still; I knew I had to be careful not to start another fight.

"What party?" I asked carefully.

"It's at a girl called Beth's house." She told me full of excitement, as if she were planning to rob a bank.

I decided to cut straight to the point, "If your parents don't know, you'll get into big trouble with them, and if that guy of ours doesn't keep in line he'll get into big trouble with me." I said.

She just looked at me cheekily and winked. "Where is the fun if you don't get into a little trouble?" She joked. I didn't know what had gotten into her.

I should have gotten mad, shouted and explained how much it hurt me when she was careless, but I had no energy left to fight with her, and so I just rolled my eyes at her and went to leave.

"But will you still see me tomorrow night" she pushed.

I turned back and tried to think of another excuse; coming up with my only option.

"I've got patrolling" I lied pointlessly as she always knew my weeks better than me.

"No you don't! You lair!" she wined.

"I do, something came up this morning." I tried.

She thought about this for a moment, and then looked confident as if she had found a way to corner me, "but what about the meeting at Carlisle's?" she chimed triumphantly.

Check mate, she'd got me, the meeting, Italy; I wanted to slap my palm to my forehead, she knew I couldn't miss it and that every year we always ended up sleeping over there together. This next year seemed like a minefield ahead of me.

"Sure, sure, I'll meet you there afterwards." I sighed, and after kissing her once on the top of the head, I left the room, drained and exhausted.


	7. Chapter 6 Bella

Author's Note: Thank you to the people who are following this story, I'm really happy you like it so far, all comments and suggestions are welcomed. The story is rated M for future chapters and this particular chapter will follow with a detailed flash back chapter from Renesmee, so don't worry about not being filled in.

Bella:

The problem with being a vampire is you have so much time on your hands. With forever in your time frame nothing is really urgent, and with half the day in which you used to sleep, now waiting to be filled, you find yourself twiddling your thumbs a lot. Being a mother as a human meant constantly having to cook and clean, shop and drive, but with the ability to clean the entire house in a little over eight minutes, things seem to get done too quickly. Edward was out and Renesmee had gone out to a party with some friends. I knew when she asked me to let her go, I could either allow it and have to worry like a normal mother, or fight it and spend the rest of the week with a stroppy teenager. The fact she had actually asked me made me feel obliged to not be too strict about it, but I knew the only reason she told me and didn't just try to sneak out was because she needed me to help her keep it from Edward. I was the only one whose mind Edward couldn't hear so that made Renesmee a permanent mummy's girl.

I had been looking over a map plan for Italy, for over ten minutes; I wanted to make sure everything was set for our trip. Taking Renesmee to see the Volturi was the most stressful event of the year, so I usually spent the weeks before it planning obsessively on anything that could ensure it ran smoothly. I was just going to look over the flight details again for the millionth time when I heard the crash in the kitchen.

I was in there before I realized it and found myself looking at a glass of orange juice, smashed onto the floor, and Jacob looking guilty, yet relieved to see me.

"Oh good it's you, I thought you were Edward." He said with a sigh of relief. "Sorry bells" he continued, gesturing down towards the mess.

I had already started cleaning it up by the time he moved over towards the counter top.

"And why are you sneaking in the back door like an intruder?" I asked suspiciously. "You have a key." I reminded him.

He sighed as he leaned against the counter, I'm trying to hide from Edward, but I was hungry so I thought I could make a sandwich quickly."

I laughed. "Maybe if you didn't think such perverted things all the time you wouldn't have to act like a fugitive." I Joked.

He grinned at me, "maybe" he said with a smirk.

He looked completely shattered; he could barely keep himself up.

"Sit down Jake, I'll make you something to eat, you look dead on your feet." I said with concern.

He sat down chuckling to himself, "well, you should know" he said, giving himself a big pat on the back for another well executed vampire joke.

"Very funny." I humoured him.

He laid his head on the counter top, while in less than a minute I had prepared a large sandwich and a new glass of orange juice.

"Thanks bells." he purred, sleepily. "So is she still not back from the party yet?" he asked, pretending to be casual about it.

"Ah ha, I knew it; the real reason you are here." I joked.

He shook his head as he took a deep bite into his sandwich. "Nope, I'm here for the food." he assured me with a mouth full.

I rolled my eyes affectionately and walked towards the front room, stopping at the door.

"Are you coming through?" I asked him.

He looked up unsure, "Where's Edward?" he asked nervously.

I laughed at his expense, "he's over at Carlisle's with Emmett. Grow a pair Jake." I teased.

He sighed, relived we were alone and followed me through to the front room with a new sense of confidence; he jumped onto the couch and lay out resting his head against the side.

"Man, talk about obsessive planning." He mocked, looking at the mass of Italy plans spread out across the front room floor. "I never took you for an organized person bells." He said.

I pretended to be unimpressed raising an eyebrow.

He smiled warmly, "Don't worry there's still room for a little one on the end. " he joked, patting towards a gap on the couch, by his feet.

I smiled and sat in the gap, pulling my legs up to twist by my side, with his legs warming the side of my feet. As a vampire I didn't crave warmth any more, but with Jake it just felt familiar and comforting, like I was human again and we were doing homework up at la push.

"I'm surprised you let her go to this thing tonight." he mumbled to me as he dozed.

I thought about why I had, "why not hey, she's only going to be a teenager for a little while." I admitted.

"Thank goodness for that." he sighed dreamily.

"Makes you feel old doesn't it." I sighed.

"Makes me feel sleepy." He breathed as he drifted off into a deeper sleep.

I watched him breathing, I was so glad Renesmee had breath and a heartbeat like him, as if it made them compatible somehow. They were both so fragile in a way, with blood pumping around their bodies. I suddenly felt a wave of affection, I was so protective over them, I would never let anything hurt him; he was part of this family, imprint or not.

A sharp knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts. Jake didn't stir so I got up as lightly as possible and made my way to open the door. I paused to focus on remembering to breath, just encase it was a random passer-by.

I opened the door and was met abruptly with a woman, red in the face and looking aggressive. I braced myself.

"Are you Mrs Cullen?" She spat.

I paused for a moment considering shutting the door in her face, but instead answered, "Yes, how can I help you?"

But she had already pulled a boy out from behind her and shoved him up into my face. His face was pale, and his neck was bleeding badly, from a wound that looked horrifying too similar to me...a bite. My hairs stood on end; somehow I knew this was not going to be good.

"Look at what your daughter has done to my son!" she shrieked.

I went into a sudden panic; my first thought was probably not the one she wanted to hear. "Where is Renesmee?" I asked worriedly.

The woman looked horrified. "She is fine! Not a scratch on her, she is waiting in the car." She informed me aggressively. I looked over to the direction she was pointing and acknowledged Renesmee waiting in the front seat, staring down at the dash board, frozen.

The boy spoke next, "I'm sorry Mrs Cullen, it's not as bad as it seems, don't be mad with her. " he pleaded.

The woman cut him off harshly, "James! Do not defend her!" she scolded.

So this was James, which I had pretty much already sussed by this point. To my surprise I was already keen on the boy, not only was he striking to look at, with very blue, blue eyes and kind features, but he was also bleeding very heavily from the neck and still appeared to be defending Renesmee.

The woman shook me from my thoughts, "Well?! What are you going to do about this?! I'm pressing charges!" She bellowed.

"No you're not!" James shouted stubbornly.

I was just standing there in shock, as if I were having an outer body experience. Had Renesmee really done this to the boy she was so fond of? I didn't know how to react. Where the hell was Edward? I needed him.

"What happened?" I finally asked weakly to James.

But the woman answered for him, "she attacked him! She's bitten into his neck like an animal, she could have hit artery!" she screamed.

"It's not like that." James cut in to assure me.

"James! Do not speak for this horrific girl!" the woman shouted, coming right up towards me.

I felt very uncomfortable with her screaming wildly in my face, I could have snapped her neck to shut her up, but I didn't think that would help matters.

Then she spoke again, "and is this the father?!" she snapped, gesturing behind me.

I was afraid to turn, I prayed it was Edward but I knew it was more lightly to be...I turned...Jacob. As if things couldn't get any worse. He was standing just behind me; very still, I hadn't even heard him approach. He just stood there eyes frozen on the boys neck in horror.

"Does it look like he's Renesmee's father?" James said sarcastically.

I was just about to run off into the distance before this whole thing got too much for me, when I heard him; "I'm the father." Edward informed her, stepping up the drive.

I was overwhelmed with relief to see him; he approached us and stopped just before manic woman. His presence had seemed to have had an instant effect on her, instead of screaming at him, she blushed and stuttered like a school girl.

"Oh...um...yes...hello." she managed.

"Now." Edward said calmly to the woman, who basically went literally weak in the knees, "I can see you're a good mother and you have come here to defend for your son, I would have done the same." He assured her, "but what he needs now is a hospital."

With those words I felt weak, I looked at the wound, and he was right; it was very deep. He needed to be taken to a doctor. But what would they say?...What had she done?

"It could get infected." Edward pressed. "And you can be assured I will make sure Renesmee is suitably punished." he lied, I knew he wouldn't.

"Oh she will definitely be punished alright." The lady said.

James stayed quiet almost intimidated by Edwards presence, I imaged this wasn't his ideal way of meeting the parents. Poor boy, I thought.

The woman finally agreed to leave, but as she went to go she snapped fiercely out of her trance, "This isn't over!" She warned. "This is unacceptable behaviour. I will be reporting this when we get to the hospital." And the worst part was I couldn't blame her.

They started walking towards the car and Edward called over to Jake. "Jake?" Edward called almost affectionately.

Jake looked up in a daze.

"That's Jake?!" James cried from over his shoulder, looking at him as if he had seen a ghost, "oh great." he sighed as his mum opened the door and he lowered himself into the back seat.

"Get out of here Jacob," Edward told him. And Jake seemed in a different world but moved his feet towards the wood line as he walked down the path.

Suddenly Renesmee jumped from the passenger seat and ran fast towards Jake. She hit into him hard, grabbing at him for comfort as tears streamed down her face. I looked to Jake but he looked numb, he lightly placed a hand on the back of her head, as she buried herself into his chest, but he did not look as if he had even acknowledged her, and he was certainly not aware he was comforting her.

The next thing that happened shocked me out of my skin. Edward shouted, "Renesmee! Get away from Jacob!"

The shock of it made me shiver, I didn't know what was on going on in Jakes head but whatever it was Edward clearly knew Renesmee wasn't helping. From the slight panic in Edward's voice I assumed he understood that having Jacob phase in front of James and his mother wouldn't help our cause.

Renesmee jumped back from Jacob, still crying heavily and Jacob, without looking at anyone, ran fast off into the woods.

James' mum now in the car shot me one final look of outrage as drove off down the road.

It was just the three of us. I looked to Edward; he pulled me to his side for comfort, and whispered to me. "Go and get her and take her to her room, I have to speak to Carlisle." I nodded, understanding the urgency of this situation.

I had been so shocked by the whole event; I had forgotten how to move. I turned back to Edward, realizing I still had no Idea what had actually happened. "What happened?" I stammered.

Edward kissed me on the forehead, "it'll be better coming from her," he assured me, and with that I walked towards Nessie, who was stood crying helplessly on the drive, as Edward ran off in the same direction as Jacob, towards Carlisle's.

In her room Renesmee cried into a pillow. She would not speak, just cry.

"Renesmee?" I tried to sooth her, but nothing.

I decided I would have to go with the opposite approach; after all she had just bitten a chuck out of a guy's neck.

"Renesmee!" I shouted.

She hesitated, but then sat up, I moved in close to her putting her head to my chest, feeling her shallow breaths against my still body.

"What happened? I pushed.

"I…bit him!" she wailed into me.

I had got that.

"Yes but how? Why?" I pressed.

She started speaking, fast and shakily.

"He was bleeding; there was a lot of blood." She was clearly still in shock. "His mum was ringing so I answered; I told her where we were."

She was making no sense; I tried to soak everything in, "Why didn't you bring him to us?" I asked curiously, we could have cleaned him up and tried to do something before anyone else knew about it.

This was the first time she had actually focused on my eyes, "Because I didn't think bringing a bloody human to a house full of vampires was a good idea!" She stated coldly, "I was trying to help him, not get him killed" she added.

I was genuinely hurt, "We wouldn't attack James, Renesmee; we're not monsters." I stated in a harsh tone.

She looked up at me unconvinced, a real anger in her eyes. "Mum I just bit a chunk out of my friend's neck, I'd say that's pretty monstrous." she said with a heavy tone, as if she hated everything about herself. She started to cry again and rolled over onto her side facing away from me.

I decided to leave her alone; I could find out the details from Edward later, she was in no state to be objective right now. I thought of what needed to be said, "You're not to see him anymore." I told her, not in as a punishment but as an obvious necessity at this point.

She didn't say anything.

I didn't know what to say either, I was still in shock. I knew how much she liked the boy, I wanted her to be happy, but she would not find happiness pretending to be something she wasn't.

"I'm sorry this has happened Nessie. I told you it could be complicated dating a human." I realized I sounded like I was lecturing her in an 'I told you so' way, so I finished with...

" And you're not a monster Nessie." and then something surfaced to the front of my mind, that had once been said to me by someone I loved, who found me in a similar situation... "Sometimes it's not a case of knowing who you love, but knowing how to learn to love what's good for you." I told her, and she stopped crying for a slight moment to consider it.

She still said nothing, so I then kissed her and left the room. I didn't know what Edward or Jacob were doing at that moment, but I knew one thing, I needed to start packing.


	8. Chapter 7 Renesmee

7

Renesmee

Loud music for humans was deafening music for me. I could barely hear myself think, as every note pounded against my eardrums painfully. I was one step away from running to the nearest toilet and stuffing toilet paper into my ears.

Everything else however was perfect. I couldn't believe mum had let me go to the party, I asked her as a last resort thinking the answer would have definitely been no. Yet she must have realized I was turning into the lamest teen in my year, and said yes. I had run over to Alice, who as one of my greatest assets had dressed me up, and then I had met James by the garage.

He was standing by his car in a shirt with light jeans; I realized I may have been over dressed, which is why you shouldn't go to Alice for fashion advice for small teen house parties, as you end up looking like you're about to step foot on a red carpet. At least I had talked her out of the dress, I tried to reassure myself. I was wearing a white sleeveless top, with large dark gems placed around the neck line, a dark high waited skirt, and black high heels, which I instantly regretted once I saw James' casual canvas shoes. My hair was up and my face was blushed.

James looked surprised by my appearance, which I assumed meant he thought I looked ridiculous.

"Wow" he exclaimed once I'd come into mocking range.

"I know, I know. My aunt got a little carried away with the fancy dress box." I humoured him.

When I realized he hadn't snapped back with his usual quick wit, I looked to find he was just staring at me.

I was just about to ask if I had something on my face, when he spoke… "You're stunning, you know that right?" He asked earnestly.

I blushed, though thankfully due to my already rouge cheeks, he couldn't possible have noticed.

"Oh yeah, I know." I joked with him, giving him a cheeky grin. "You're not looking too bad yourself, where are you heading out to, a barn dance?" I teased pointing out his checked shirt.

He laughed as he opened the passenger door for me, "One humble farm boy at your service." He played as I got into the car with a smile.

We arrived at the party which was in a small house, no bigger than the cottage, but rammed with people. James took my hand and led me through the thick of it until we reached his group of friends, all of whom I was already familiar. His friends were amusing, I liked spending time with them; they would dance like crazy people and drink too much and always have funny embarrassing stories to tell me at school the next day. Toby, Stewart and Keith were the three guys in his friendship group and Jodie and Robyn the two girls.

As we approached Robyn grinned at me and came over quickly, excited by my arrival.

"Renesmee! I didn't know you were coming?" She screamed at me as if I couldn't hear her perfectly well. "Come and get a drink with me!" she added as she had already torn my hand from James' and was dragging me towards the drinks table.

Robyn chatted hastily as she poured us both vodka and coke into plastic glasses, I sighed inwardly knowing the alcohol would have no effect on me. A little experiment Emmett and I tried out last year, with disappointing results; after two bottles of vodka I still felt exactly the same but had a headache, and mum stopped us from pursuing it any further.

"I'm just so glad you're out tonight, James said your parents are a bit strict, but you got here anyway, that's great!" She buzzed.

I liked Robyn, she reminded me of my aunt Alice; always talkative and always chirpy. "Yeah they are strict." I informed her, "but my mum must have hit her head tonight and let me out of the cage." I joked. She beamed at me amused and handed me a cup, which I began to drink, remembering to sip and not down it like juice.

"You look so nice tonight!" She flapped.

"Thanks, so do you." I said quickly, although I hadn't actually taken the time to look at what she was wearing.

"I'm so glad James is finally with someone pretty." She chinned.

I became awkward; although my aunt was a gossip girl, my mother was definitely not, and so I had unfortunately inherited a very uneasy manner when it came to being feminine.

"Oh…um…thanks?" I stammered.

She ignored my pathetic effort to join in the conversation, and persevered without me, "I think you and James are so great together." she continued. "He's been so stubborn when it comes to girls; tons have been interested, but he's been holding out for a girlfriend for ages! So you obviously did something right." She winked at me.

I suddenly felt a huge wave of guilt, but how long could I actually keep James? With the knowledge that I would eventually end up with someone else, and none other than my soul mate. I felt like I had a massive secret that I was hiding from everyone, and the burden was over whelming. I felt sick.

"I'm going to go to the toilet." I told her hastily with a smile trying to excuse myself.

"I'll come." She offered; I had forgotten how girls at school all had to go to the toilet together. I found the whole thing very weird, I couldn't imagine me and Leah holding each other's hands into a cubicle. **Leah**, I thought about the pack and then Jacob, I really needed some air.

"That's o.k. I won't be a minute; I'll meet you back with the others." I reassured her, and walked off towards the front of the house.

Outside the fresh air hit me with a cold stab of refreshment, as I snuck around the side of the house to sit on the cold wall. I hated running out on Robyn, but I couldn't keep up with my double life. The images I had seen of myself in Jacobs head were so idealistic, but I hadn't recognised the person I was looking at, I wasn't her yet, I didn't see Jacob that way, but I knew someday I would; any moment. And so every moment with James felt like a betrayal to both of them.

I sat in the breeze thinking about how long I had until I would have to head back in, I didn't want them to think I had constipation.

"Decided to make a runner?" James startled me; he was standing a meter off, pretending to be unimpressed. "You left your glass slipper." He added smugly.

I smiled at him warily. He was funny, good looking, kind; the whole package. So more he was with me, the more I liked him; and the more I hated myself.

"The party too much for you?" He pressed settling next to me on the wall and taking my hand in his. I couldn't pull it away because I had no reason to that I could explain to him.

"Just needed some air," I informed him.

"Ah yes air, the perfect escape goat." He mocked me.

There was no keeping anything from James, somehow he always saw through it.

"And Robyn can be a bit overwhelming," I admitted.

James relaxed into the conversation, "did she ask if we've set a date yet?" He joked.

I laughed slightly, "She may as well have." I said heavily.

James looked slightly concerned, "Robyn's great in small doses." He reassured me. "She just tends to get a bit ahead of herself."

"She told me you've batted away tons of girls." I teased him, trying to lighten my mood.

He sighed as if he wished Robyn could keep her mouth shut, "millions." He joked, slightly cautiously.

Yet his slight objection to the subject only intrigued me more, so I pushed it further. "So exactly how many girls have you asked to walk home with?"

"One" he answered with a smile, nodding towards me.

"And how many do you think have wanted you to ask them?" I teased.

He thought for a slight moment, "a couple," he gave me, but something about the way he said it made me sure he was being modest. I found myself abruptly jealous, how many girls had fought for James' affections? How many girls had succeeded? He was seventeen, and though he acted much older, I knew teenager meant hormones, no matter how mature he may come across.

At that moment Jacob, the imprint, my parents, everything went out of my mind, and all that was left was James, how lucky I was to be his date to this party, how he made me laugh, how I didn't want to picture him with any other girl. I was there with him tonight, and I suddenly wanted to make every moment count, as if I knew the moments were running on a timer.

"The other night was my first kiss." I told him bluntly, I should have been embarrassed, but I wasn't.

He laughed, which shocked me, "No it wasn't!" he exclaimed as if the idea was ridiculous.

I didn't laugh. "It was." I told him simply.

He looked at me for a long moment, as if he was trying to catch me out, when I did nothing; he brushed his hands through his hair, as if he was in disbelief. He became frantic as if he'd suddenly been caught guilty and had to explain himself.

He turned to face me straight on, "look, I have kissed other girls and stuff." He admitted hastily, lowering his eyes from my glance slightly, "but it's never been important to me."

I let the information set in, obviously I hadn't expected me to have been his first kiss, as he was seventeen and attractive. But now I was realizing kissing was the last thing I needed to be worrying about, what I needed to worry about was the 'stuff', that had never been important; suddenly I was worried that impossibly James was actually just a player.

He must have followed my thought process as he cut in defensively, "not because that stuff's not important to me, because the girls weren't important to me." He corrected me.

I thought on this, while he continued. "The other night, in your truck, that was the first time I had ever been nervous about kissing someone." He admitted. "That was the first time it felt important." He added. It could have been a cheesy line that he pulled on every girl, but I knew it wasn't. I thought about the kiss, the way his hands had moved into my hair and the way he pulled my lips in to meet his. He was sure, confident, but his lips still quivered just before he moved towards me, and his heart was still racing, I could hear it as loud as the music at the party.

I hadn't noticed then but he had done it all more than once before, and other stuff as well, the word '**stuff**' swirled in my mind. I felt stupid for not knowing what this other stuff was, I felt out of the loop, I wanted this stuff, and I wanted James to show me.

"Show me." I blurted out before I had a chance to stop myself.

He looked shocked, unsure what I meant.

"Show me what you mean." I stared at him intensely, so that he could not question what I meant. I meant for him to show me what he had done with these other girls, for him to show me how important I was to him. I was ridiculously nervous; I bit down on my lip for a second to stop it from quivering. James stared at me, trying to decide if he should.

Then abruptly, without giving me a moment to think of Jacob and change my mind, James closed the gap between us, his lips crushing into mine as his arms lifted me up off of the wall. I let my body give way to him, as he pushed me back gently against the side of the house, we were tucked away and with the music blaring in my ears I knew no one would be aware of us.

His hands brushed over my neck as his tongue slipped into my mouth, I gasped a little, as a hunger awoke inside of me, no one had ever been like this with me before, not protective like Jake, not treating me like a child, but like a woman.

I curled my fingers into his hair, as he lifted my leg up slightly to position himself between my legs; his body was now pressed right up against mine, I could feel his hurt slamming against my chest. I quickly hoped he wouldn't think I was unusually cold, but I didn't have much time to concentrate as he quickly spoke to me, in-between sharp breaths, "are you sure?" he asked seriously, staring straight at me with warning, he wanted to make sure I wouldn't regret it.

I didn't even think; "Yes." I confirmed with a shudder, and without another moment's hesitation, he pushed his hand up my top and cupped my breast, the other sliding upwards following my leg.

Then I really did gasp, my breathing was uncontrollable, I could hear blood pumping everywhere crashing against my ear drums. He pulled my underwear aside and slipped a finger inside of me. A deep heat surged through my body, as I let out a helpless moan. No one had ever touched me there before, and my whole body surged with excitement. He kissed me gently on the lips, as he slipped in another finger; his thumb gently pumping the top of my opening. The pleasure was unexplainable; I had never felt anything as good, as James' taste and touch.

The noise of our blood pumping was deafening, I couldn't hear anything else. Inside me another hunger began to grow aggressive, the hunger for blood. I pushed the thought out of my mind fiercely; I wouldn't let anything ruin this perfect teenage experience. James started pumping his fingers faster inside of me, I was panting, as he pressed me harder into the wall.

The feeling of hot pressure building was everywhere, I felt like I was going to explode, as I groaned uncontrollably into James' mouth. He said nothing, just staring at me passionately as he kissed my lips and fondled my breasts tenderly, brushing his thumb over my hardened nipple.

Bur just as the pressure was becoming unbearable, just as I felt like nothing had ever been so good, everything became a nightmare. James tilted his head to kiss my neck, he placed one small hot kiss on my collar bone; exposing his neck to me for a single moment. And that moment was all it took.

Suddenly I saw what I could only describe as red; blood, the lust to feed blacked out everything else. I imagined blood spraying from his body, I heard his heart pumping rapidly, and then when I suddenly came crashing back to reality, all I heard was James, screaming.

My teeth were still sunk deep into his neck, as he cried for me to stop. Blood had stained our clothes, as panic took over my entire being. What had I done? I pulled my teeth out as he yelped in pain, this made the bleeding greater, and I was suddenly terrified of what was to come.

Could I turn humans into Vampires? We had never discussed it, I knew humans were off limits, and when mum or dad had taken me to hunt I had eaten strictly animals, so I had never even considered what would happen if a half vampire were to bite a human. I was frozen in terror, staring at him praying he would stay the same.

I considered sucking at the wound; trying to remove any traces of venom, but the thought of putting my mouth around the open, bleeding cuts was enough to make myself reconsider.

"Renesmee, I need something to stop the bleeding." James shouted at me. I could feel I still had blood around my mouth, as I whipped at it hysterically. James, my perfect human, was now exposed to my abnormal being, he would never think of me as normal again. I wanted to cry, but I was too panicked. James was turning pale and I was still scared he would turn into a vampire.

Abruptly a ring tone pushed into my attention, James' phone was ringing from his back pocket. He was now leaning against the house with his shirt sleeve pressed against his neck.

I took out the phone, and looked at the screen. His mum. In some ways I was relieved, I was desperate, knowing I needed help and I certainly wouldn't get any from my house. If he was becoming a vampire then it would have been awkward when she got there, I could have waited to see what happened but I wasn't going to let him bleed out while I waited.

"Who is it?" James rushed me.

"Your mum."

James looked even more pale, "No, don't answer! She's the last person we want." He assured me in a panic, but I had met his mother, and I knew she cared deeply for James, it was me he was trying to protect, and I wouldn't put myself before him, not now.

"James we need to get you some help." I told him sternly.

"I'm fine. It's not even that bad." He tried weakly, but I could see the blood dripping from the sleeve of his shirt, and I knew what I was capable of, it was deep, and he needed attention.

"Sorry." I shot at him quickly as I answered the phone.

…..

The next morning I woke up feeling like I had been hit with a sledge hammer. For a moment I actually hoped that everything I believed had happened last night was in fact just a dream, or a drunken misinterpretation. But it wasn't.

I imaged how I felt was how people felt like when coming off of a morphine drip. My eyes were heavy and slightly swollen.

I focused every bit of my attention on not thinking. Just a second of acknowledgment would send me back into frenzy. Had it actually happened? Had I bitten James? I obviously knew the answer but my mind rejected it. Refusing to believe I had ruined everything. The details were fragmented in my memory, how had it come to this? I thought hopelessly.

I pulled my heavy body out of bed, feeling like I weighed a ton. I looked in my mirror at a grim reflection; tired eyes, red from crying, hair still half up from the night before. I was about to make my way into the bathroom when I saw an unfamiliar note sitting on my desk; a piece of white printer paper, with mums handwriting. It read…

**Nessie, **

**Hope you're feeling better. We are over at Esme's. Join us when you are up. **

**Love the monsters x x **

_They think they're so funny; _I started to think but then the P.S. interrupted my thoughts…

**P.S. James is outside. **

I read the note again quickly for confirmation, and then slowly moved over to my window to peer out. Sure enough James' car was parked outside the house. Without giving it much thought I threw my dressing gown on, and made my way quickly down the stairs. I didn't know how long he had been waiting for me to get up and come out, but I knew I wasn't going to keep him a second longer.

As I exited the house, I saw that James was sitting in his car. Once he had seen me emerge from the front door, he started to move hastily from the driver's seat and out of the car, I moved slowly to meet him, stopping a couple of meters away, afraid I might accidently attack him again.

He approached me, and as I stared at him blankly, he looked me up and down, a slight smile creeping into the corner of his mouth.

"You didn't have to get all dressed up for me." He teased, addressing my bare feet and fluffy nightgown, for a moment I realized that I hadn't stopped to brush my teeth and was suddenly relieved I had chosen to stand well back.

I said nothing but looked to the wound on his neck. It was covered with a big dressing, but I imagined it sore and ugly compared to his attractive features.

He noticed me staring at it. "I know what you're worried about, but I've had it checked and there were no signs of rabies."

I didn't react.

"How can you possibly joke about it?" I asked bluntly.

"What this?" He said casually pointing to his neck, "Oh I was over it hours ago." He shrugged.

He was so relaxed. I thought he would be terrified of me, be running and screaming, telling everybody at school I was an animal. I thought he had come to my house to shout at me, tell me he hated me; but no, he was joking with me like nothing had happened.

"You're over it?" I asked coldly. "Well I can assure you no one else is, I'm not meant to be seeing you." I explained.

I went to walk away but he called me back affectionately. "Renesmee." He pleaded.

This could not continue. I wanted him to be mad at me. I wanted him to give me an easy way out, so I wouldn't have to be the one to end things.

I sighed, "James, I can't see you anymore, you shouldn't be here. You should be resting."

He became more intense than I had ever seen him, he was usually so laid back that I had almost expected him to just shrug his shoulders and walk away. But he didn't.

"Renesmee, do you think I would be here if I didn't care about you?"

This surprised me a little, "Why do you care about me?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Why do you think? I like you!" He told me straight out. My stomach had butterflies but I had to supress them, I had to end it, before anyone else got hurt.

"We'll it doesn't matter, we can't see each other anymore." I informed him.

He still didn't seem put-off, "Why not?" He asked calmly, "Like I care that our parents hate each other," He pressed. "It makes us very Romeo & Juliet." He added with a smile.

How was he still joking, and how could he still make me want to smile even now.

"We're more like beauty and the beast" I gave him coldly.

He looked pleased I had joined in, "Even better, that one actually has a happy ending." He added.

How was this ending things? I asked myself.

Right, "James stop it, it's over. I can't forgive myself for last night! And my parents don't want me to see you, and Jake is…"

"Oh Jake is a whole different kettle of fish." James interrupted. "When were you planning to tell me your best friend was a Greek God in another life?" He asked exasperated.

I laughed slightly.

"No seriously Renesmee, he could bench press me." He added.

Then I was actually laughing. Why did I have to give him up? I actually thought him and Jake would get on if things were different.

_Pointless thoughts; end it_! I encouraged myself.

"Exactly, he's very strong and he's protective." I told him, hoping to scare him off.

"I won't hurt you though." He assured me.

"James! It's me hurting you everyone is worried about! Haven't you gotten that memo yet, there's a reminder on the side of your neck!" I shouted. I was now getting emotional; I knew I had ruined everything, and I didn't deserve to have him forgive me for it.

There was silence, I had moved us on from jokes and trying to make this easier.

"I don't care about the bite." He told me flatly. "So you got a bit carried away, lots of girls do it." He tried. "I'm not breaking up over it." He stated.

But we both knew that was no love bite, I glared at him unimpressed. "Usually love bites don't leave the guy needed stitches." I snapped at him. I didn't want him to make this less than it was, I could have killed him or worse, I could have turned him. I couldn't be trusted to be with him anymore.

"We haven't even known each other that long James." I decided to get nasty or he would never succumb. "It's pathetic really, why are we acting attached when we've only been dating a few weeks, you can hardly call it a break-up."

But he looked completely unmoved by my attack, he just shrugged. "I knew I liked you when I met you." He said simply.

I was screwed. I resorted to begging. "Please James, just let this go, and forget about me."

He again did not waver; "No, who decides your life? Your parents or you?" this question threw me a bit. "What is it you want?" He pressed.

That I knew, "you to be safe," I answered instantly. "I want you to stay normal and have a boring life."

"Oh thanks" he said playfully. "Look, I'm not scared off easily, even with your weird biting fetishes and supermodel parents, who must have had you when they were like four." He joked.

He had hit the nail on the head, I was weird. "I am weird, and I like being with you because you make me feel ordinary. But being with you doesn't just affect me for the better; it affects you for the worse." I admitted.

I had finally gotten his attention so I didn't stop. "I know you'll forgive me for last night, because you're so great, but you shouldn't. What I did to you was…"criminal, sinful, completely immoral, "unforgivable." I finished, and I said it with such weight that this time he didn't cut in with any jokes.

Instead he got mad. "I've never liked anyone, but I like you." He vented, frustrated. "You haven't suddenly changed into someone new, so why did you start this, just to end it when I already gave a shit?" He shouted honestly.

I had never expected him to care like this; I had never expected him to fight.

"And don't just tell me it's this biting thing, I don't believe it. What is this really about?" He pressed.

He looked to me for answers but I had none that I was allowed to give him.

"You don't like me in the same way?" he tried.

The question made me instantly want to object but I caught myself and said nothing, James however quickly noticed and pushed the option aside.

"O.k. so you like me too." He concluded. "So then what? You regret asking me to show you stuff? You've changed your mind." He tried.

I blushed, and this time he could see it, I shook my head slightly, bashfully.

"O.k." James continued, "Is it this Jake Schwarzenegger guy then?" He asked suspiciously.

Jake's name stung my mind; I couldn't even begin to think how I was going to deal with him at the meeting tonight, if he'd even show. I said nothing. James took that as a yes, even though that was only the tip of the iceberg, it was also the fact I was a vampire and had nearly killed him last night.

"Well I never had a chance up against him did I." he stated bluntly, clearly hurt.

If only James knew just how little of a chance he did have up against Jake, if he had known just how doomed we were right from the start, he would never have bothered so much as to look at me, let alone walk up to me. And if only I had known from the start, I would never have let him walk me home that day, and every other day after that.

I hadn't spoken in a while; I just looked at him, thinking these feelings of hurt, not willing to give in to his questions.

Finally, he gave up. "So you like me but we can't see each other and it may or may not be about Jake. Brilliant!" He mocked coldly.

I didn't reply so he looked up to catch my eye, when I gave him nothing he shook his head, irritated, as if he had reached his limit for the day. "Fine, look I'm not going to stand here talking to myself anymore, if you want so desperately for me to forget about us, I'll try." He shot at me, and then walked fiercely off into the direction of his car.

I stood on the same spot for another few minutes, wishing I could run after him, wishing I could have told him how much I cared for him and wishing I could have explained myself. But instead I let him drive off.

By the time I walked back into the house, I felt like getting back into bed. I didn't want to face everyone, and when I thought everyone, I meant Jake. I moved into the kitchen to get a drink, but as I opened the door to the fridge all I found was a note saying…

**Eat at Esme's. X **

I read it several times, utterly confused. Why would they take all the food there? They didn't eat. Then I slowly started to look around, scanning the room for clues. That's when I noticed it.

Things were missing; dad's score music on the work top that had been there for weeks, mums permanent shopping list for me and Jake that had been pinned to the wall since three summers ago, my drawing of a meadow I had seen in mum's memories of her and dad, which had been framed and placed to the left side of the sink.

My body froze with dread, as I suddenly knew. I knew I could go and check all of the rooms, and they would be the same, things would be missing, not the furniture, as a stranger to look at you wouldn't think anything was out of place. But I knew dad's graduation hats wouldn't be hanging in the living room, I knew mums picture of granddad wouldn't be on the side table in the bathroom and I knew Jakes favourite pillow wouldn't be in the guest room. All of a sudden, I just knew…

…we didn't live there anymore.


	9. Chapter 8 Jacob

Jacob Chapter 8.

I had been lying in my designated room at the Cullen's all morning, mostly because they had moved over all of the food, but also because Esme was there. With the exception of Alice, Esme was my favorite of the 'Plus Cullen Clan', which was my nick name for basically everyone expect my three, she was like a cold blooded adoptive mother and I knew on my arrival she would make me a big breakfast and keep Rosalie out of my way. She had come in several times that morning, just to check on me, I think she liked having a younger boy around the house to fuss over, though I was now twenty-four, compared the other guys who were in their hundreds, I was a fetus.

I was exhausted. I had been running all night with the pack trying to keep my mind clear, trying to burn off some anger. But it hadn't worked and all I had done was piss off the boys with my constant whining. I had been turning last night's events over and over in my head, trying to come out with a positive conclusion and failing miserably. James' neck; she'd bitten him that was for sure, deep, but why? I had tried to ask Edward first thing that morning, but he looked drained and hesitated so that made me unable to believe anything he gave me. I knew it was bad; there was only one reason in my head that could have led to Renesmee of all people biting someone, someone she was dating, and everyone knew it, they just didn't want to say it, and I couldn't bring myself to even think it.

She was out of control, I'd given her an inch and she'd taken her clothes off. Now everyone was packing up and moving, Italy had been pushed, and all because of her, because of him. But I couldn't even blame him now, I had no more anger left towards James, because he was the one bleeding from the neck, he was the one defending her! He was just as much as a victim to her ways as I was, he didn't stand a chance against her, and this was all on her.

Did she have any idea what could have happened? I shuddered at the thought.

Just as I was about to slip further into my pit of woe, Alice bounced through the door. Alice was the one person I couldn't bare at that point, she was too happy, I'd have even preferred the infectious gloom of Rosalie right then than the chirpy go lucky Alice.

"Hey Jakes" she chimed as she sat herself weightlessly on the edge of the bed next to me.

How could I get rid of her? I thought to myself, knowing I probably couldn't.

"Hey" I murmured glumly. I had my head resting on my favorite cushion, which had been moved there over night. It used to be Renesmee's when she was younger and then Bella had given it to me, it had since then become my sort of lame comfort item and it was super comfy.

Alice stared at me sympathetically. "Poor Jake." She hummed, brushing my hair, "I need to cut your hair again." She informed me, which was true as it had grown out and messy, I nodded slightly as she smoothed it over to the left of my head.

"Aren't you annoyed that we're leaving for Italy tomorrow now?" she sighed, "I know I would have liked a little more notice, I thought I'd have another two weeks to shop and pack."

I shot a glare at her moving my head out of her reach, "oh yeah Alice, that's what I'm bummed about, not having enough time to shop." I shot sarcastically.

She rolled her eyes at me, "Jake you need to chill out a little." She hummed. She got up and started organizing my spare shorts from the bottom draw of the cupboard. "You've been so stressed lately, it doesn't suit you. You have to not let everything get to you so much." She suggested breezily.

This enraged me, I sat up in disbelief, "not let everything get to me so much! Renesmee has probably slept with this guy! At some party! Forgetting that she's my imprint!" I shouted and then slumped back down onto the bed in defeat, relieved to finally be able to tell someone what I had been torturing myself with for hours, "I've basically lost her, she's completely out of my hands now." I finished.

Alice looked at me for a second to check that I was being serious, and then she laughed. I stared at her in shock, how could she be so cruel?

She put down my shorts and returned to her spot on the bed, still laughing slightly, "Jake you don't actually believe that do you?" she asked as if I'd just said I believed in the tooth fairy.

"We'll yeah, seeing as she's bitten a chuck out of his neck! It's a huge love bite." I stated coldly.

"Oh not the sex thing" she dismissed as if that wouldn't be the worst thing to ever happen to me, "the loosing her thing," she confirmed. "Jake, you're not loosing her! You're pushing her away a little maybe, because she's suddenly a teenager and you can't handle it." She giggled; I couldn't possibly have looked less impressed with her. "But you're still the same Jake to her, it's her that's changed." I looked confused, "look don't worry" she assured me, "it's going to be o.k." She smiled.

I was unconvinced, "how could you possibly know that Alice? Even you can't see our future, you don't know what's going to happen."

She smiled in that same all-knowing way as Edward that I hated, " Maybe" she said teasingly.

A sudden stab of hope cut through my mood of misery, I shuffled closer to her as if I wanted her to tell me a secret, "Alice?" I asked playfully, "Do you know something?"

Alice took a second, for a moment I thought she was going to say something, but then she breathed in quickly as if she had changed her mind, "No, " was all she gave me, but I was already convinced she knew more.

I pressed her harder, "Alice! You still can't see me or Renesmee's futures right?"

This time she answered quickly, certain; " Of course I can't." she said simply, and I believed her but then what could she see? What had she seen? " I'm just sure you two will be O.k." she added.

I decided to drop it for now, but I was suddenly comforted by the fact that maybe, just maybe someone was sure that everything would work out how I needed it to. "O.k." I closed with.

I smiled at her thankfully, letting her resume grooming me with her hand, her presence was more calming than I had given her credit for, and that was without Jasper around to help out.

We stayed in comfortable silence for a few moments, and for the first time that day I allowed myself to drift slowly off towards the idea of sleep. But just as I was about to close my eyes Alice interrupted me with a loud distance sigh.

Her smile had slowly turned downwards, "anyway better get on with that shopping." She said as she got up quickly to leave, " if only I could whisk around the shops as fast as I'm allowed around the house." She moaned.

"If only." I mocked.

"At least I don't rip through an outfit four times a day like you." She joked.

"That's true."

"You had better pack double." She thought seriously to herself, "Do you want me to pick you up some more shorts?"

I sighed, annoyed, "I don't care Alice." I moaned in a playful tone.

She took the hint and left, "Cheer up pup." I heard her sing up to me on her way down the stairs.

Before I had a chance to lie back down to sleep Edward came quickly around the door.

"Renesmee's on her way." He informed me urgently. "She's close, so if you want to make a runner now's your chance." He added.

I sat up quickly trying to decide whether to make a run for it, but something about what Alice had just said made me reconsider. _It was her that was changing, not me, I had done nothing wrong, and I was just the same, so why should I be hiding?_

_Thanks for the heads up._ I thought for Edward, and he nodded and disappeared.

I took a moment to gather my thoughts, knowing she would come up to me first, trying to avoid her parents. I was mad with her, hurt, but I didn't want to push her further away than she already was. I was her best friend, to me she was more, but to her I was just making things worse for her right now. I needed to be mad, but stay calm. Be mean, but not cruel. I started to reconsider making a run for it when there was a knock at the door; too late.

"Can I come in?" Renesmee asked quietly.

I sighed, she was like my kryptonite, "sure, sure." I allowed her.

She opened the door and stopped in the doorway. Her hair was wet, from showering I assumed, as I could smell the sweetness of her shampoo. Even just out of the shower, in her sweats, she was so beautiful. I pushed these thoughts aside fiercely, you're mad remember! I ordered myself. She looked sad, tired and confused but I wouldn't let her pull the damsel in distress card on me, not this time. I shot her a hard look.

"Shall we go somewhere and talk?" She asked simply.

I looked at her for a moment as if I was considering shutting the door in her face, but then just as she started to back away, I stood and walked past her out of the door; she followed.

We walked hastily from the house into the woods, I had thought loudly for Edward on the way out '_we're going for a walk_' I had informed him, I knew I'd be in his good books for keeping him in the loop.

I walked fast ahead so she had to struggled to keep up, we walked silently, deep into the thick of it, when I was sure Edward wouldn't be able to hear us I stopped abruptly so she stumbled as I turned around fast to meet her.

We both stood staring in silence, waiting for the other to speak.

"So what's happening?" She asked finally. "We're moving? We're leaving town? No one has asked me, just packed up?"

_So that is what she wanted to talk about_, I thought coldly.

"Pretty much." I said bluntly. " They plan to leave tomorrow." I added just to be mean.

Surprisingly she looked unflustered by my response as if she had already assumed it. "Where?" She asked.

I exhaled, already bored by the conversation, "Italy to start with." I gave her.

She considered it, and then looked confused, "What about school?" she asked anxiously.

I found it hard to give her a cold response; I knew how much she cared about school, her classes, her friends…he who shall not be named.

"They pulled you out this morning." I told her hesitantly, "James' mum reported you to the head." I added.

She closed her eyes for a second, I assumed so she wouldn't cry.

" And what will you do? You can't leave the pack for that long."

"I didn't think you'd care if I was going or not." I whispered bitterly.

She glared at me, we both knew I was being petty but I couldn't help it.

When her stare refused to become less intense I gave in with an exasperated breath, "I'll come to Italy, and then we'll see." I said finally, "I'll obviously have to keep coming back, but eventually once this has blown over they'll probably head back here anyway." I told her bluntly not wanting to reassure her, "Alice is pretty upset that she has only just put in the new kitchen." I added lamely.

"Though I don't know why they need the extra counter space, how much prep work does a packet of blood need?" I muttered under my breath.

She knew all this anyway; her family had been doing it all their lives, changing towns so that people didn't get suspicious, then heading back to forks with a low profile. But it had never happened to her until now, she sat down on the floor defeated.

I decided to ask her then, before I was won over by her sad face, I took a moment to gather the nerve, "What happened?" I asked finally.

She looked up at me unsure but then she almost smiled; it was laced with bitterness, "trust me, Jacob you don't want to know," she said pathetically.

This pissed me off, "Well obviously I don't want to know! But I have to, so tell me." I spat, all sympathy pushed urgently aside.

She looked down at her shoes, "forget it, it's over o.k. I ended things with him."

A sudden rush of relief engulfed me, but I still had to know the truth," It's not enough." I told her. "I need to know what happened."

She went completely still, afraid, trying to urge herself to say it aloud. My heart stopped, my worst fears were so tangible that I couldn't bear to go another second not knowing.

"Did you have sex with him?" I blurted impatiently.

She looked up shocked at what I had asked, the words felt sour in my mouth.

"I thought we were meant to say _doing it_." She tried to deflect.

I looked at her completely mad with impatience, "Renesmee!" I urged her.

"No! O.k. We didn't have sex." She cut in, but she didn't look up. I waited, knowing that wasn't the end of the sentence, "He…" She couldn't finish, but she didn't need to; shame and guilt had become her.

I knew, he had touched her, been where I hadn't. A sudden rage filled me full, overflowing. "How could you let him?" I asked harshly.

She instantly shot up defensively as if I had flicked something hard at her, "I asked him!" She corrected me.

Defending him was a new low, I couldn't take it; she had willingly given to him what was mine. I started pacing in a frenzy, trying to keep my cool, "Why?" I had to know.

"Because I like him! Because I wanted to know what it was like." She confessed bluntly. "I wanted to be treated like an adult for once." She seemed mad at me! How was that possible?

I was about to cut in and defend myself, but she cut me off, "you treat me like you're my parent!"

"That's because you keep acting like a child!" I shouted.

"Since when is sex childish?!" She spat; she was such a teenager.

"I thought you weren't having sex?!" I accused her fiercely.

"Well if you had it your way I'd be a nun." She shot back.

"No if I had it my way, you'd be waiting for me!" I vented madly, she wound me up so easily.

"I don't want to wait! No one else has to wait! Everyone else is doing it! I just want to be normal, I don't want to wait a hundred years until I'm old and married."

"Firstly you wont get old because don't age, so you can't be normal that's ridiculous, and secondly I've been waiting seven years for you!" I informed her harshly, I didn't want to guilt her, but she was being so selfish.

"That's not my fault!" She cried defensively.

"I know, but a little consideration for my feelings would be nice."

That last one had done the trick, she looked down at her knees, ashamed, "sorry." She whispered.

We were bickering again. I suddenly remembered that I was meant to be staying calm. I slumped down next to her, exhaling deeply, "I'm sorry too, look I don't want you to think that I'm some annoying 'cock blocker'." The words 'cock blocker' made her laugh, that sweet laugh that made my hairs stand on end. "But this is hard for me too. I'm trying to be your best friend but I'm also your imprint! And I don't find that as easy to forget as you."

She smiled slightly, "I know, I'm sorry. I've been so caught up in my own feelings I completely pushed yours aside."

"That's o.k." I told her, glad the fight was ending, "and anyway you've ended things, so it's over now." I concluded, a slight cheerfulness creeping into my tone.

"Yes... " She was hesitant, "Yeah it is." She assured me softly, though her eyes were off somewhere distant and I could tell that so was her mind.

"What you thinking?" I quizzed her, as I had done a thousand times before.

She hesitated slightly, but I got the feeling it was because she was unsure, not because she didn't want to say.

"James." She stated, pausing to see if I'd object to the subject, but I didn't. "I ended it, but I thought I'd still see him at school. I didn't know that was it, that I wouldn't see him…" She was thinking aloud, "he'll be off at college, by the time we come back, if we come back, he'll have forgotten everything." She was holding her self in, not letting me see the hurt of it. "I was really horrible to him." She finished her voice trailing off weakly.

I thought for a moment, I could have been mad with her, but I was relieved she was talking to me about it again, like before he had kissed her. I let myself think back to the weeks before, how she had sat on my bed at Billy's, telling me about him, how he'd walked her home, her voice giddy. I hadn't been listening, I had just thrown it in with all the other school excitement I was used to. A stab of guilt hit me; I had known she liked him, so why had I let it go on? How could I blame her for liking him? It was me that had let it happen, and now I had been punishing her for it because it had gone too far, because she was upset over him. I was an idiot. I had to start making it right.

"I don't think he'll forget you." I said simply, it was all I could offer in ways of assurance.

"Because I attacked him." She stated coldly, she was always so hard on herself.

"No, because you're unforgettable." I said humorously, with a small nudge to her arm.

She laughed faintly, looking up at me with warm eyes.

"Why don't you pop over to his tonight, say bye." I suggested begrudgingly, _oh great idea Jacob why don't you just throw her at him_, I thought to myself.

She shook her head, "When I just came in, Dad met me at the door, told me I wasn't to see him again, said it was too risky." She said in a defeated manner. I had never loved Edward more. "If I went, he'd know." She concluded.

"Bummer." I said before I could help myself, even for her sake I couldn't pretend to be disappointed.

She smiled at me, "doesn't matter anyway." She lied kindly for me.

I wanted to be a good friend, as much as it hurt me to hear about it, I knew she needed me to talk to her. Like it or not I was her best friend, and although I wished she would talk to Alice or Rosalie about these things, I knew she wouldn't, so I'd have to endure the girl talk.

I braced myself. "What did it feel like?" I asked her bravely.

She looked up in complete shock. "What?" She asked defensively.

I smiled at her cheekily, "You know what." I teased.

She laughed a little; at last she seemed a little lighter, as if she'd been dying to talk to me about it. "A little weird at first, but then…like hot pressure, building you know." She blurted out hastily.

I remembered the feeling; I nodded slightly in agreement, "yeah" I agreed before I could stop myself, quickly realizing what I had just agreed to, but it was too late she was looking at me with that suspicious eye. I had given away too much.

"What, have you?" She had suddenly changed, become shy, hesitant, "Have you...done it?" She asked cautiously.

I had really done it now, I'd dropped myself face first into the shit, I didn't want the blame to spin back on to me, she'd call me a hypocrite. I could have easily lied, but what good would that be in the long run?

"Once." I gave her for the second time that week.

She looked slightly annoyed, "With her?" she said with slight envy, as if she had developed a small hatred for this phantom female, not knowing it was her own mother.

"No." I said, relieved now that Bella and me had never gone that far, knowing it would have been a seriously messy conversation later down the line.

Renesmee looked hurt and confused, so I continued.

"The girl, this girl I loved, she had ended it. So I ran off by myself for a month."

Renesmee looked utterly confused, "You left the pack?" She asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, I was pretty torn up over it all." Which was to say the least, I could have told her I found out the girl was marrying a vampire, but I was pretty confident that would have given away a few too many hints.

She waited for me to speak. "I was mostly in my wolf form, but one night I found myself some clothes and went to this bar." As I spoke I was becoming hotter, I was suddenly wishing I'd lied.

Renesmee's eyes were burning into me, "there was this woman in there drinking, she started talking to me, and she invited me back to her place." A flash of shame washed over me, "I was desperate." I tried to convince her, "I wanted to feel better and I thought it would help me forget." I explained.

There was silence. I could feel the disappointment radiating off of her. " So you expect me to wait for you, but you haven't waited for me?" She accused.

I hung my head; "Renesmee, I would never have been able to do it, if I'd known you existed." I told her honestly. She knew it was true.

She breathed out and relaxed slightly, knowing she couldn't blame me for something I'd done before she was even born, letting me off the hook slightly, "What was it like?" She asked curiously.

I wasn't prepared for the question, but knowing how easily I had just gotten off I started speaking hastily, "It was...to be honest, stressful. I was too hot, she kept thinking I was sick, that I had a fever."

Renesmee laughed, utterly amused.

"So there was a lot of sweating!" I toyed with her glad she was laughing again. "And every movement I made I was afraid of hurting her…Just a bit chaotic really."

She thought for a moment, my pulse was racing, I knew she could hear it; I had never talked to her like this, like an adult. Talking to her about sex, made me want her too much.

"And then?" She asked quietly, as if she might break the moment and the conversation would evaporate.

I took a shallow breath, thinking about the heat, the agony, and then...; "then it was good." I breathed.

"I think it's what a bottle of coke feels like when you shake it. Like you're about to explode." She confirmed.

I was surprised how open she was being with me; I wondered just how much she would tell me. I felt closer to her than I ever had before, she wasn't a child anymore, and I could really talk to her now, on my level. "And did you… explode?" I asked abruptly and then regretted it instantly. _You idiot!_ I berated myself.

She went bright red; I couldn't help but grin, amused.

"Jake!" She pleaded, embarrassed.

I was enjoying myself.

"Well?" I teased her, I knew she was clued up on her sex ED; I was the one that had to endure listening to her replaying the whole lesson curiously for an entire evening a couple of years before.

"No!" She admitted abashed, looking down.

She was so dam cute, I wanted to touch her, to show her, I wanted to be everywhere, take everything; have all of her. I remembered feeling the same way about Bella and how much it killed me the night I had left that woman's house, Sarah, that had been her name. I had felt so guilty afterwards; I'd been in hell.

"Afterwards though, with this woman, I regretted it instantly." I told her, I was telling her everything, the way she wanted it to be.

"Because it hadn't helped you forget?" She asked, it was like there was a bubble around us, no one could get in, and we could say anything we wanted.

"Because she wasn't her." I admitted.

I looked at her, I knew she would tell me anything I wanted to know, and I could sense it, that there was nothing between us. "But you don't regret last night?" I asked her, knowing the answer, the way she spoke of him, the way she defended him, James wasn't a guy in a bar; she didn't want to forget.

"I regret it if it hurt you." She told me, I knew she meant it; there was something between us now, a new level of honesty that wasn't there before.

"What if I didn't exist?" I asked, we were sitting so close now; we'd somehow moved closer and closer during the conversation and were now whispering in a huddled position, swapping secrets under our breath.

"If you didn't exist…" She paused, I could hear our heartbeats, "then I wouldn't be who I am, so who can say what I'd want. But I know that I betray you if I love him; so I regret it. " She whispered as a conclusion.

The word 'love' stuck to me like hot caramel, burning hot into my skull, making me want to explode, the pain singeing my whole being.

She was being honest, I knew I couldn't shout, how could I blame her? I had loved Bella fiercely when I was only a child; she was not exempt from love and James seemed, even to me, a worthy candidate.

Her eyes were piercing into me, waiting for me to respond, hoping she wouldn't loose me. I felt desperate to keep her, to prove to her my feelings, to show her everything.

"You might love him, but you've just met him." I explained to her, "I know you down to the fourteen freckles on your left shoulder…" I paused as the intensity took over and my voice wavered, "…and I've been loving all of you, your entire existence."

She looked at me as if the words had winded her; I had never told her I loved her before, not like that. She stared, her heart was pounding, her lips exposed and too close to bear. Then without thinking and before she could stop me, I put my hand around the back of her head, and turned my body around slightly from where I was sitting, pushing her back gently against the tree, pinning her in place with my body, I pulled her head forwards, my lips pushing into her urgently, I couldn't stop myself. I had had enough of holding back; I had had enough of not being able to touch her.

Her eyes shot open as my lips moved to fit with hers like puzzle pieces, her mouth was cold, her taste refreshing, like jumping into a cool lake on a hot day. She did not respond, but she did not pull away, she just let my lips move effortlessly, simply with hers.

As I separated from her again, letting the taste of her linger on my lips, slowly the reality of what was happening dawned on me. Edward and my promise to him, I pulled back just as quickly as I'd gone in, but my lips were still quivering with excitement. She gasped and as I pulled back sharply, letting her fall back slightly. She stared at me; eyes wide, completely paralyzed in shock.

She just stared at me, still in shock, still unable to speak.

_Shit! _I thought. I shouldn't have done that. I had to get out of there quickly before she started freaking out, or before Edward got there, I was pretty sure my thoughts were loud enough, "I've got to go." I told her hurriedly not expecting her to reply, "I'll meet you tomorrow for the flight," I added as I ran off towards La Push.

_Why had I just done that?_ I was in so much trouble, but right then, as I flitted between the trees, I felt like all the consequences in the world would be worth it.


	10. Chapter 9 Renesmee

**Thank you for the reviews and for just generally reading along, keep them coming and don't hesitate to add in with what you like or would like to see for future chapters. **

Renesmee Chapter 9.

After Jake had fled the scene I had managed to pull myself to my feet and stumble back to Carlisle's; I had been lying over the sofa in a daze for the last hour. Dad was giving me the silent treatment, it could have been worse but he knew I hadn't consented or contributed to the kiss so I could hardly be blamed, Jake on the other hand was in for a world of pain. I had half expected dad to get angry, tell mum, call everyone in and reveal how much chaos I had been causing, but instead he remained silent and deadly. Even during the meeting, when Jacob didn't show, he said nothing. Even when Esme suggested, after twenty minutes of them debating whether he would be attending, that someone should go to look for him, or when Emmett decided we should just fill him in on the details later on, his lips never once went to intervene. Only dad and I knew what had happened. Jacob had kissed me. The idea of it felt foreign. I kept replaying it over and over in my head, which was probably one of the reasons dad had spent all afternoon in the study with Carlisle. I had never imagined what it would be like if Jacob were to kissed me; he was always so sensible, so protective of me, like a parent. Even with the knowledge that someday we might of ended up together, the images never quite felt real in my mind, they were too distant from the reality of what Jake and I had then. When he had told me the true weight of the imprint, it had seemed displaced, as if he were telling me I was meant to marry my brother, I didn't believe that my heart could belong to him, I wanted it to belong to another. Now things were different. Now all I could think about was how perfectly our lips fitted together, how sweet he smelt up that close against me, his wet lips, warming my cool mouth. Everything made sense to me now, why Jake had been so mad with me lately, his frustration; if he knew that this was possible all along, I couldn't understand how he could bare to withhold from it. All I wanted was for him to kiss me again, so I could see if it was possible to recreate such a perfect moment, so different from my first kiss.

James rapidly pushed his way into my thoughts; telling him to stay away got him out of my sight but not out of my mind. Guilt prickled the seams of my indulgent thoughts. It shouldn't have been possible to feel guilt over kissing my imprint, the person I was supposedly meant to be with, it shouldn't have been possible to feel like it was a betrayal, but nonetheless it did. I had only ended things with James that morning, he had done nothing but been committed to me, and here I was thinking about another guy already, the guy. Despite all efforts to ram him from my brain and focus on my future with Jacob, I found myself craving James' company, and for a split second I forgot about the kiss with Jacob, and unwillingly found myself thinking back to earlier that morning, crying in the shower over a guy I had only met a few months before.

Thankfully this torture only lasted a moment, as suddenly dad was above me, glaring down onto the sofa.

"Will you come with me Renesmee?" he said through clenched teeth, I knew this wasn't a request it was an order. I sighed guiltily and pulled my body up to meet him.

"Where?" I asked, a little warily,_ thank goodness I was his daughter or I may have feared for my life_.

He smiled slightly at me, amused by this thought.

"For a drive." He informed me simply.

I looked towards mum for help, she had been on the phone and scribbling travel notes all morning; she had informed me that when you push your trip by two weeks it means you have a lot of cancellations to make and a lot of things to rebook, but alas she just smiled over vaguely from her telephone conversation.

"Have fun." She mouthed to me enthusiastically, though it was obvious she had no idea where we had said we were going, or that we in fact hadn't even told her. I started to reassess my first thought; _maybe he was planning to stash my body, mum would certainly be non the wiser._

"Indeed." He teased me as I followed him out to the garage.

I got into the car when he opened the passenger door for me. I pulled on my seat beat and then pulled down the hood to my jumper, trying to appear unnerved. I knew he was mad about Jacob kissing me, but could he really punish me for it?

We drove for about ten minutes until we eventually arrived at our destination; my school. He parked up in the parents parking area and then turned off the engine. It was very quiet, people were still in their classes and I could hear the sound of my own heart pumping against my eardrums.

"What are we doing here?" I asked meekly, almost afraid of the answer. I felt a sudden need to defend myself; the silence was killing me and I couldn't stand him being mad with me for something I hadn't done, "Look Jake…" I started, already feeling guilty for trying to shift the blame.

He cut in quickly with a very calm, yet stern voice; "This isn't about Jacob." He stated evenly, yet there was a slight sting on the word Jacob, a hidden disappointment. I hung my head in shame, waiting for him to inform me why we were there. "This is about you." He finished.

I braced myself for a scolding but it didn't come, instead when I finally looked up at my father he looking back at me with warm, affectionate eyes. I straightened myself up and turned slightly to relax into his company, relieved that his fury had been postponed.

When he was ready he spoke softly, he had always been so beautiful to listen to, his voice lulled me into a state of calm. "Renesmee, over the last few days things have been moving very quickly. You grow in all aspects at an incredible speed, but this time we have failed to keep up with you; letting you destroy a lot of things that you have spent time and effort in building for yourself."

I looked down at my lap as the words sank in. School, friends, James; I had forfeited them all.

"This your mother and I are both extremely remorseful over."

I wanted to tell him it was my fault not theirs but my mouth was empty and dry, so I just waited, allowing him to continue.

"It is our fault." He took from my mind anyway, "We have to leave tomorrow, if we could stay we would, but it is too dangerous, we are too suspicious and exposed now."

I laughed inwardly at the idea of a family of vampires fleeing from the village people; they could desecrate the whole town if they wanted to.

"Will we come back?" I asked quietly.

He took a moment to consider his answer, as he always did. "Perhaps, in time" was all he gave me, but I knew he meant not before all of my friends had grown up and forgotten about me.

I wanted to cry, to scream and tell him it wasn't fair! I wanted to let him know how much I hated my abnormal existence, that I didn't want to out live all of my friends, attack all of my boyfriends and betray all of my studies. But I was numb. Instead I merely nodded in understanding and clenched my hands together in desperation.

"I have brought you here because I think it is important to say goodbye, properly; to let go of things and not leave anything open ended." He told me affectionately, brushing my hair out of my eyes. I shut them, listening to his voice, soothing me away from hysteria.

"I've been moving from town to town for longer than I wish to remember." He admitted, suddenly changing the mood of the conversation, almost speaking to himself rather than to me. "Over all the recent years, with the exception of your mother, I have never let myself become attached to people outside of my vampire existence."

He paused as I remained perfectly still not wanting to break into his speaking, wanting to catch every syllable. "But there was one boy…Noah."

He lingered on the name, as if it were sweet to the taste, "I met him on my first day of history class, at Greenwood high. He approached me and started talking to me as if he knew me from another time. Most humans get a sense of me, an instinct that I am dangerous, but Noah had none; no instinct, no hesitation… we became great friends."

I could hear sadness in his words, a deeply rooted regret. I couldn't imagine dad with friends, with school friends, it seems impossible to me.

"There was something in Noah's humanity that awoke mine, I felt alive again." He smiled sadly, "But one day I got home and everything was packed up, we were to move on to another town that night; I hadn't expected it." He had begun to speak slowly, reliving the memory. "I didn't say goodbye to Noah or see him again…but I knew the next day he would have been wondering where I had disappeared to, and I never forgave myself for the hurt I caused by not giving him the parting he deserved." He finished heavily.

We both sat silently, I knew it was my turn to speak but I couldn't manage to relay my thoughts to my mouth. I knew that James would feel the same; deserted, confused. A lump had formed in my throat making it uncomfortable to breathe. Since Jacob had kissed me I had forgotten about the fact we were leaving, the fact that I wouldn't see anyone again. Now the reality of everything was very close and painful.

Finally he spoke again, "So say goodbye to your friends Nessie. Let them know in some way that they are important to you before you leave."

The only person that I would be really hurting was the one person he had told me I wasn't allowed to see_. I thought I wasn't meant to be seeing him?_ I thought.

"James isn't here." Of course he wasn't, dad wasn't stupid enough to risk that.

He smiled hesitantly at me, "In James' case a clean break is best." He assured me weakly. Though I felt an urge to argue back, I didn't, in some ways I knew he was right. I sighed and undid my seat belt before throwing my arms around his icy body. _Thanks, I love you_. I thought quickly, and then opened the door to the car to step out.

"Be home before six please." He chimed to me as I shut the door, I gave him a thumb up in reply, which was needless, as I knew he could hear me through the car door perfectly. When you spent so much time with humans, you got into a habit of pretending to be one of them, and then when you get home to your vampire parents sometimes it's hard to shut it off!

He smiled at my gesture, amused and gave a sarcastic thumb up back to me. I laughed and walked towards the school entrance.

The bell went off as soon as I approached the front courtyard, dad was always meticulous with timing. I sat at one of the picnic tables, waiting for people to start emerging, all I felt I needed to do was say goodbye to James' friends, and a couple of other people, once they knew, James would know and he wouldn't be left in the dark.

I waited a moment or two, letting myself think of Jacob, think of his lips. Then I saw Robyn, and then sure enough Jodie appeared from the entrance shortly afterwards. I was glad it was just the girls, I couldn't have handled all of them, attacking me for what I had done to James, I braced myself and waited for them to see me, only just then considering what I might say.

Riley saw me and started running towards me eagerly, then Jodie followed suit.

She reached me and threw her arms around me passionately, sitting herself next to me on the bench, gasping for air from her efforts to reach me faster than the other.

"Renesmee!" She shrieked happily, though she hurt my ears I was glad to hear it. "We heard you got pulled out of school!" She rushed in a confused tone.

"Is that true?" Jodie joined in impatiently.

Now I would have to find a way to explain, without telling them anything. "Yes it's true but not for any bad reasons." I lied.

They waited for me to explain, brows furrowed in misunderstanding. They got out their history books and started checking homework for their next lesson, but glancing back up at me impatiently, waiting for my explanation.

"My trip to Italy to see relatives," I explained, "It's been pushed, and we're spending the whole summer, we're thinking about relocating." The words stung my mouth, I hated lying, I hated to make it seem like it was something better than it was.

"Wow" Jodie gasped as the other half breathed "What?" I could see the idea of taking off to Italy was unthinkable to some, exotic and exciting to the rest, horrific for me.

"When are you going?" Robyn asked anxiously.

I wanted to tell them, say tomorrow morning, but I knew it would send them off into a panic. Instead I lied again "Not sure, soon. But not today." I joked; bitterness crept into my laughter as I tried to make them all believe I thought I was so lucky.

"What about James? Does he know? I thought you two were like, together?" Robyn pressed urgently.

James hadn't told them I'd ended things, I must have seemed like a heartless bitch, gushing over my move to Europe when I hadn't even told my boyfriend, though he wasn't, but to them he might as well have been.

I didn't want them to hate me, not now, not when I knew it would be the last time they saw me, another lie slipped out effortlessly; "Of course he knows, I'm going over to see him afterwards."

They both looked slightly relieved, "Oh good, because for a minute I thought this was all over the bite incident." Jodie chimed innocently.

My whole body froze over, they knew, the both knew about the bite, which meant everybody knew. I couldn't stop myself from asking the next question; I needed to know, "Who told you?" I said urgently.

"Everyone knows. His mum came into the school." Robyn informed me easily.

If everyone knew, then why wasn't anyone bothered about it, why didn't they all hate me? Fear me, even with the bandage on anyone could tell it was a bad injury. Why didn't they care?

"Aren't you mad at me?" I asked very quietly, afraid to awaken some hidden hatred they all had for me.

But instead both laughed. "Mad about what? A love bite?" Robyn giggled.

She obviously hadn't seen it. That's why they didn't seem to care, because they didn't know.

The guilt returned, they were only being nice because they didn't yet know what I had done to their friend, I couldn't stand it. "If you saw it, you'd know it was more than that." I said meekly. I didn't want them to underplay it, they would see the scars eventually and feel betrayed that I hadn't told them how bad it was.

"We have seen it!" Robyn cut in, still amused, "James was in school this morning."

My head shot up, "and you don't care?" I asked in shocked tone.

"Renesmee! It's not that bad! I don't know what all the fuss was about, o.k. You bit him but stuff happens. James thought it was funny." Robyn Joked.

I couldn't get my head around it, James had told them, shown them, they didn't care. He'd made out he thought it was funny, he hadn't told them I had ended things. What the hell was going on?

"James was here?" I checked. "When did he go home?"

Jodie, who was now coping in Robyn's answers into her book, answered, "A couple of hours ago, he said he wasn't feeling up to classes today."

Probably because he had a gaping wound and should have been resting, I thought protectively.

"And he told you he thought the bite was funny?" I checked again.

Robyn sighed, clearly frustrated, "Yes! He doesn't care Ness. He said it was a sexual mishap." She winked at me suggestively and I blushed red.

He had covered for me, he could have blamed me, and he could have turned them all against me. But instead he had defended me; made out it wasn't as bad as it was. I looked at the girls, who were joking with each other about my 'sexual mishap', giggling like hyenas, they were the closest human friends I had, and they didn't hate me, I could remember them as they were now, happy and friendly; it was everything. Guilt over took every part of me; James had still stuck by me, even after I'd deserted him, was leaving him, wasn't even planning on saying goodbye.

I had to see him. I knew I wasn't meant to, I knew Jacob wouldn't want me to, I knew dad would be furious, but I couldn't ignore this act of loyalty James had shown me, he deserved better from me than a sudden disappearance, he deserved a real goodbye. It was already decided, after I was done at the school, I would go to him and make things right before I left.

I stood outside James' house. I couldn't hear his music playing; he usually had it on in his room. His dad worked out of town in the week, his sister would be at school and his mother would be at work. If he was there I knew he would be alone.

I approached the front door and knocked lightly. I heard nothing, I waited a few moments, trying to hear him, I could usually always hear people moving around inside a house long before I reached the door, but I heard nothing; he wasn't there.

I should have just left then, admitted defeat and made my way home, but instead I started to make my way around to the side gate, hoping to confirm he was out. I undid the latch easily and wondered around to the back garden. I was crazy, if going to see James wasn't allowed then trespassing on his property was a definite no, but I just couldn't face leaving without seeing him one last time, not after the way I'd left things before.

I approached the back door, if he wasn't feeling well maybe he was asleep, that would explain why I couldn't hear him, why his music wasn't on. I started to mentally prepare myself; I could slip in the back and find him in his room. As the thoughts came to me so did the realization that I had officially crossed a line. I couldn't break into his house, sneak into his room like a crazy person. I had to let this go.

I turned to walk back to the gate when I heard it; that voice, for the first time.

"So you tell me to leave you alone so you can stalk me?"

I jumped out of my skin; I hadn't heard him sneak up on me. As I turned around to meet him leaning against the doorway of his back door, my heart froze. I could have never mentally prepared for what I was about to experience.

Anybody else who might have seen James that morning, may not have noticed, they may have thought he was just looking particularly well. Humans had a way of convincing themselves against the abnormal, turning a blind eye on anything that would break their reality that things could not be supernatural. But that moment when I turned towards James, I noticed everything about him and knew instantly something was wrong.

James had always been striking to look at, his features had been soft and kind, his eyes piercing blue; he had been attractive to say the least. Now if you put that same person next to the version of James I was standing in front of, I wouldn't have even spared a glance. Earlier that morning when I had seen James outside our house he had looked tired from being in hospital, his eyes were slightly sunken from restlessness and his skin was blotchy. Now his features had been put into high definition; his facial features were no longer soft but distinct and his skin perfectly clear, his eyes, when I met them, once royal blue were now infected with the slightest traces of an intense purple. To a human it would appear to be bloodshot from tiredness, to me something much more sinister.

I stood with my mouth gaping, my heart still, trying to force myself to breathe.

His brow suddenly burrowed, "What? Renesmee what is it?" He asked suddenly worried.

And that voice; once grounded and slightly rough around the edges, now sounded effortless and smooth like syrup.

"How do you feel?" I asked in a ghostly voice.

He smiled weakly, "my neck feels fine it's something else, a bad headache, aching all over. Some sort of virus, so don't get too close." He joked wearily. "Why are you here, I thought you didn't want to see me anymore."

I didn't even register his last comment, I knew it was no virus, I felt weak, he turned to move towards me protectively and I noticed the biggest change of all; his neck. Last night the wound had been deep, torn through the skin and painful to look at, now there was un-pierced skin and a faintly bruised marking. "Impossible." I barley whispered, weakly.

This was why the girls hadn't been horrified by the bite, because it now hardly existed, it did look exactly like a love bite.

Then James was in front of me, holding me firmly by the shoulders, "Hey, you o.k.?" He asked concerned. I had never been worse. "You look like you're about to faith." He joked lightly, though there was a deep concern there, his arms gripped me tightly.

"The bite…It's…. gone," was all I could muster, it came out lifelessly.

James shrugged happily, "Yeah I know, it's healed up pretty nicely, told you it wasn't that bad." He smiled at me; my heart came quickly back to life.

He didn't know, he hadn't noticed, nobody had. But I knew how deep I had bitten him, I felt the skin tear in my mouth, I had never known anybody to heal that fast…anybody human. I hadn't heard him moving around in the house, the rapid healing, the hint of purple in his eyes and aching all over…

…Sudden panic possessed my entire body in a moment of terror. Something was wrong, very wrong. I didn't have time, we were leaving tomorrow for Italy, it could not be postponed; the Volturi wouldn't allow another reschedule. This had to be dealt with now! I pulled my arm back fast and without any hesitation, before he could register what I was doing, I pulled it forwards as fast and hard as I could towards his face.

Having a best friend that was a guy meant I knew how to throw a punch, I knew how to defend myself it came to it, and I knew how to knock someone out cold. A second later I was looking down at James' limp body before my feet. I had to get him to Carlisle.


	11. Chapter 10 Edward

Chapter 10

**Edward.**

Renesmee had turned up hysterical and panicked with James slung over her shoulder; sometimes I forgot she was part vampire, and the image of my slight daughter hauling a strapping boy over her shoulder was definitely a shock to me. At first I thought the boy was dead, the heavily beating heart I was familiar with was now faint, but he was not dead, it was something much more disturbing.

The one fortunate factor was that only Carlisle and I were there to meet her, Alice had dragged Jasper, Rosalie & Emmett out to shop, and Esme and Bella had gone out all afternoon to collect Renesmee's passport. Ageing so quickly, meant her passport dates never matched up with her appearance, so every year we would have to retrieve a new artificial passport to get her over to Italy, Bella was familiar with the process now and Esme went along for the company. I stayed behind to meet Renesmee once she had returned from the school, but I was not prepared for what she brought home with her.

I didn't have a chance to lose my temper, to scold her for betraying my trust. At once she had explained that she thought he was infected with the venom, that he was changing, that she had knocked him out, dragged him to the house. Carlisle acted quickly before James had a chance to come around, taking him into his study, which was really more of a laboratory, leaving me to manage Renesmee who had become catatonic.

We had been waiting in the front room at Carlisle's for over an hour, staring at the door to his study. Carlisle had been locked away examining James, running tests. James' appearance did not reassure me; his features were in their perfect place, frozen, like mine. How could I have let this happen? How could I have been so foolish as to think that he would go unaffected? That my daughters bite would not have consequences? There was so many things to consider; his mother, and where she thought her son was located, the trip to Italy, telling Bella, Jacob. The last thought stopped my mind from continuing. Jacob had misused my trust that day, but now I felt guilt for keeping the most recent turn of events from him. I found myself thankful that I could at least count on him to remain absent; he was smart enough to stay away, to give me time to 'cool off' as he would put it.

I had stayed outside with Renesmee, for support, but she was unreachable, even her mind was distant and disorientated. I tried to listen to her thoughts but I couldn't get through the panic. She was now sitting lifelessly in the armchair nearest the door, every so often looking up hopefully, thinking she had heard Carlisle approaching to bring some news, but the silence dragged on and as it did her impatience increased.

She looked up at me slightly, enquiring if I could hear him, if I knew he was waiting just on the other side of the door, preparing to emerge, but I gave her a small shake of my head, informing her he was not.

"It's going to be ok Nessie." I tried to reassure her pointlessly.

She glared at me in response, "Even you can't know that dad." She shot at me, betrayed by my attempt to give her false hope. She turned her head back to stare at her clutched hands, and we were engulfed in the silence once more.

Her thoughts that morning had been on Jacob, which I was secretly grateful for; a mere kiss was a relief from the previous night's sexual mishaps. There was no torture for a father quite like that. However although the details were painfully etched into my brain never to be erased, having to hear her pine over James now was in some ways worse; I knew that she was hurting and I knew that she was right, that even I couldn't make it right. I had listened to Renesmee, how desperately she fought to convince herself she had done the right thing in ending it with James, and how sure she was that she didn't want to be with him; but I knew it was coming from a fierce need to keep him safe, and that need was all too familiar to me.

The unfolding situation reminded me of Bella, how precious her humanity had been to me, how desperate I had been to keep her separate from my damned existence. Is this how Renesmee felt about James? I thought of the way James had fought for her, defended her, even after she had bitten into his vulnerable body. Renesmee was sitting as still and as beautiful as an ice sculpture, but there laid a deep torment in her eyes, I had never seen her that way, tormented, a weight on her shoulders, like a mother awaiting news on her sick child; she felt responsible for him. Unexpectedly I realized there was something there, between my daughter and this boy from her school, which was far more tragic and complex than the simple teenage crush we had all assumed.

Jacob certainly had his work cut out for him, I thought sadly; even if we put on a front of disliking one another, in truth Jacob was a brother and a son to me and although I was certain now that Renesmee would succumb to the imprint, I also knew some of Jacob's fears about the imprint being less powerful on Renesmee could have been true and this worried me.

The time was dragging on; even I was now leaning towards the feeling of impatience. When I wasn't concentrating, people's thoughts would become a haze, a distant murmur behind my own thinking, and then if I wanted to listen, I would focus in on a particular person, to communicate. I could have tried to hear what was going on behind the door, hear Carlisle's thoughts, but part of me didn't want to know; I would feel obliged to relay the information to Renesmee, and if the news was bad…I didn't want her to know it any sooner than she had to.

Eventually Carlisle appeared. Nessie shot up instantly in a panic, falling over her words. "How is he…is he…what's he…please tell me." She stumbled desperately.

Carlisle waited a second for her to calm herself and then spoke. "The head wound was minor, but you knocked him well out. He took a while to come around, but when he did he was very confused and disorientated, so I sedated him to run tests, he is sleeping."

Renesmee's thoughts were frustrated and irrational, "I don't care about the head, is he a vampire?!" She shouted, desperate for answers.

_Prepare yourself._ Carlisle thought for me before he began to explain.

I prepared for the worst. Renesmee was already looking to me to assess my level of composure; I remained calm, not giving her any reason to worry before she had to.

"The venom in his blood stream is not enough to turn him into a vampire." Carlisle told us simply, but though tension released through every fibre in my body and Renesmee fell backwards into her chair and sobbed slightly with relief, there was no hint of reassurance in his voice, and though I waited for a positive energy to accompany the statement, I knew by the look on his face and the warning beforehand this wasn't as good as it sounded.

_Thank you!_ Renesmee thought, though I wasn't sure to whom.

I was not thankful; I feared the worst was yet to come.

"That's not all." Carlisle informed us, remaining professional.

She paused and looked up to him coldly, tension built as neither of them wanted to speak.

"Tell us." I finally encouraged Carlisle, sensing a need for urgency.

He continued; "The venom is like a virus to his system, because there isn't enough to take over and change him, his body is fighting against it."

I took a moment to process the information, this still sounded like good news; there wasn't enough venom to change him, he was fighting against it and would eventually return to his normal human state? It seemed too hopeful to believe.

"So he'll fight against it, be sick but then recover, return to normal?" Renesmee queried; a dangerous sense of hope becoming her.

"He could." He confirmed.

"Could?" I echoed, confused.

"James is fighting it, but the venom is strong, it is much stronger than any human virus, he could beat it, but he could be too weak."

Renesmee cut in defensively, "But he's strong, he's healthy, just look at him! He's vamp sparkly and new, he said he had a headache and aching, that's all!" she assured him frantically.

Carlisle shook his head, "No. The venom has only made temporary alterations to James' body, one of these being appearance, so his external features look frozen, but his body internally is still human. Another factor is his pain threshold; meaning although he may only seem slightly sick, it is much worse than he feels, his body on the outside looks healthy, but his organs are weak."

"What does that mean? What will happen?" Renesmee breathed, panicked.

"He will fight against the venom, be weak and in pain for a while, but recover to his usual form in due time."

Both Renesmee and I knew this was not the entirety of his prediction. "Or?" she pressed.

He spoke very calmly, and precisely; "Or the venom will send his body into shock, his vital organs will shut down; his heart will stop. By this point the venom will have done too much damage to his body for us to revive him."

As he spoke the words I heard Renesmee's heart beat stop in unison.

"Edward? Do you understand?" I did.

"I don't." Renesmee stated in a daze.

Suddenly I felt the need for Bella to be present, for Renesmee to have her mother. She would have been able to do it better, to be maternal and comforting, but she wouldn't be back until the evening so I would have to make do. "What he is saying Nessie is; if we wait to see if James can recover, he could die."

Renesmee snapped back to attention, "But he could live! Right? Get better, stay the same."

Carlisle looked worried, but nodded reluctantly.

_Edward the boy looks strong, but his heart is weak, he may not last the week. _He thought urgently.

I didn't let Carlisle's thoughts effect my expression.

"What other options do we have?" I asked him evenly.

"He is going through the transformation into a vampire, but because of the weakness of Renesmee's venom, the process is greatly extended, which means the body will shut down before the venom has time to reach the heart."

I looked up to meet him in shock. He wasn't actually suggesting what I thought he was suggesting. I caught on before he could continue, "No." I cut in aggressively. I wouldn't ruin this boys future if he had a chance to live.

"What?" Renesmee pushed me confused and desperate for information. "What does he mean?"

He gave me a nod to confirm his intentions.

I spoke through gritted teeth, "He means if there is more venom introduced into his bloodstream his body will grow stronger."

He started where I finished, "The level of venom in his system is low, if we were to increase the amount; it would flood the system making it durable."

He was trying to sell it to her, but there were huge consequences to this suggestion that he wasn't mentioning.

"But?" I prompted him.

Carlisle lowered his head slightly, "But his humanity would decrease."

Renesmee gasped in horror, finally catching on to the intention of Carlisle's suggestion, "You want one of us to bite him again!?"

He did not flinch but stayed perfectly on cue.

"If we were to bite James or inject our venom into his bloodstream it would turn him completely, he would become a new born, violent and blood thirsty, uncontrollable, he would be a risk to us all, and to the town. He would be too strong even for Emmett; it would be too high of a risk."

Now I was the one confused, what was it then that he was suggesting? I did not have to wait long for an answer.

"But you, Renesmee, your venom is weaker; it could make him stronger without turning him fully."

Renesmee's mouth fell open, as did mine.

"You can't ask this of her." I cut in defensively, "How do we know that a second bite would not be too much for him? He could still become bloodthirsty, violent. Renesmee was born not bitten." I reminded him, "We are dealing with the unknown, and so we must not take chances."

"You think I should bite him again?" she asked Carlisle in horror.

"Not bite; we would inject the venom into his main blood stream." Carlisle confirmed.

"Turn him into a vampire?"

"Not completely, I am not sure what effects it would have, you are only half vampire, and your venoms ability is a mystery to me. Maybe I should have experimented more in the past but I never predicted you would bite a human."

Renesmee looked weak and void of emotion, Carlisle was a reflection of this. He stared at me looking for guidance, I understood that he felt helpless, he was only trying to find a way to assist, and he was not responsible.

"Is there anything else Carlisle? Any other way?"

Carlisle looked hopeless, "There is no evidence of such things, I will look to find more options, but I do not have a time frame; his heart could fail in a week or a month, it is impossible for me to know."

"I need to speak to him. When can I talk to him?" Renesmee spoke emotionlessly.

"He is sleeping, it is important that he saves his energy, when he wakes you can be the first to speak to him." Carlisle tried to encourage her.

"What if he dies before then?" Renesmee shot back coldly.

"He won't, the venom only entered his body last night, if it were to act that fast, he would be dead already. He has day's at the least; not hours." Though the words were meant to encourage, Renesmee's face seemed more horrified than ever.

"Do you understand Renesmee?" I asked softly, placing a hand on her shoulder.

My touch seemed to bring her back to reality; she flinched at my gesture of comfort.

_I understand everything, he could die because of me, _was the last thought I heard from her before she ran out of the room. I didn't take me more than a moment to know where she was running to.

Carlisle went to follow her but I stopped him with an outreached hand. "Let her go to Jacob." I instructed him. He understood her need for comfort and relaxed back into my company, defeated.

_This should never have happened._ He thought to himself.

I couldn't have agreed more, I thought about how I would inform Bella, how worried she would be, and I was suddenly wishing we had left for Italy a day earlier. The thought of Italy brought on a new level of dread. How could we leave for Italy with James in this state? I had a feeling it would be challenging to convince Renesmee to leave James, though she had to be in Italy to see the Volturi by the end of the week, which was only two days away. How long could we keep James before his mother had the whole town looking for him?

The whole chain of events had become a headache that was more tedious than all the number of voices that had previously invaded my mind. Maybe I should have gone after her, stopped her from seeing Jacob, but the kiss was now an insignificance. Maybe I should have rung him, warned him of the situation, but it was too late, she would have reached the reservation by that point and I knew Jacob had no idea what he was in for.


	12. Chapter 11 Jacob

**Chapter 11**

Jacob

Seth had the ball and was running towards me with determination; I tried to concentrate on a game plan when Embry tackled me from the side, slamming me hard into the floor. It quickly became a scrum, as two more jumped on top; I felt my arm nearly break under the pressure.

We had been playing football for hours on the beach, they had been playing all afternoon, but I had joined in on my return from the Cullen's and my first kiss with Renesmee, and was happy to join to even out the teams, Jared and I against Seth and Embry. Emily was making us a great stack of steaks for after the match and I was eager to soak in as much time in La Push with my guys as I possibly could before having to head out to Italy with a load of vampires. Jared didn't understand how I could spend so much time over there, but the truth was these days it felt like the Cullen's was home and my time in La Push was like visiting old friends, there was never enough time and you never knew exactly when you would be back. The tide had started to come in and two of our pitch markers were already submerged, the game was coming to an end and we had all become hungry and flexible with the rules by this point.

"Guys get off!" I shouted, muffled by Embry's stomach squashing into my face.

"Guys!" I tried again, but they were finding it far too amusing, by this point Quil and Jared had joined the pile, all of them groaning and teasing me from above.

Then Embry called out, "uh oh vamp alert, vamp alert!" and they all gradually lifted themselves off of my squashed body and ran off in the direction of the new comer.

"Nessie! Where the hell have you been off to these last few days?" Seth interrogated as he reached Renesmee who was standing on the edge of the pitch we had marked out with old shoes in the sand.

Before she had time to answer Jared and Embry had picked her up and were spinning her around, chanting; "Vamp alert, vamp alert!"

"Put me down." She warned them with an unimpressed tone, but this only made them spin her faster and chant louder until she finally caved and squealed with amusement.

"We hear you've been getting into all sorts of trouble!" Embry teased her. "Off to Italy to see 'relatives' are we?" He laughed.

"O.k. put her down now!" I laughed, as I cracked my arm into place and held it steady, letting it quickly reset.

They dropped her hard onto the floor in response but Quil came out from behind and jumped on top of her and Jared and Embry followed suit.

"Guys!" Nessie groaned in annoyance.

"Thought you could escape to Italy without a beating?" Jared laughed.

Nessie being half vamp meant that the boys liked to play rough, acting as if she was unbreakable, it was part of their banter with her, but for me it brought on a fiery protectiveness which always drew me to stop the fun before they got carried away. She was in fact breakable after all.

"Guys, be careful with her!"

Renesmee was used to being squashed by them and so did nothing to cause them to hesitate, but all I could imagine was her bones cracking, her heart being punctured, her face being battered, her skin tearing; nightmare visions of my imprint being harmed, this pushed me to a breaking point, as pathetic as I knew it was.

Quil was on top by this point, "Quil get off of her! Don't think I'm above going to find Claire and sitting on her!" I warned him, trying to seem as if I was joking but knowing that if he hurt Renesmee I was probably capable of it.

Quil looked up playfully at me, "Claire's nine and mortal!"

"Well then the chances are she'll come off much worse than Ness will." I teased him, giving him a threatening eye.

He laughed but still raised himself off of her, there was nothing quite like threatening an imprint to get you what you want. He dragged the other two off with him, Jared and Embry allowed it but only because they were done with her, she ran slightly away from them when she was free and headed towards me. It was only then that I got a good look at her. She looked terrible, her eyes were puffy and sore, as if she had been crying and her hair was dishevelled, though the boys had just been spinning her around their heads, I was pretty certain she had looked this way beforehand.

"You look a mess." I told her as she approached me.

"Thanks" She replied weakly.

"Too much rolling around with that James of hers," Jared precariously mocked her.

I shot him a look, which instantly silenced him but Nessie didn't even react to the comment, she seemed to freeze slightly at the mentioning of James but then instantly corrected herself and simply rolled her eyes at him, letting it go.

I was glad to see her but I knew she shouldn't have been there, not after the morning's incident.

"Ness you shouldn't be here." I warned her.

She shrugged her shoulders in a robotic manner "Needed to see you."

She came in towards me and I instinctively tucked her under my arm protectively and she leaned her head against my chest weakly, she seemed upset.

"I think it's time for steaks at Ems." Embry prompted as he ran off back towards the food, "Stick around blood sucker," he called out to Ness affectionately as he ran.

"Yep we win the match, time for steaks." Jared agreed, bored by our affection, "I'll make sure yours is rare and bloody for you," he teased Nessie.

"Much appreciated." She smiled at him, as he turned to follow off in the direction of Emliy's, only Seth remained.

Renesmee shook her head in a loving way; she loved them all, which wasn't surprising as she had basically spent most of her life with them, playing on the beach at la push. The vampire part was irrelevant to the guys, they accepted her completely; she was one of us. Seth was the closest to Renesmee though, he was protective of her like me and he could sense something was wrong, I always knew if something were to happen to me, Seth would look out for Ness and keep her safe in la Push.

"Seriously Nessie, you do look a state." Seth mocked her. "Are you o.k.?" He asked but what he was really saying was 'I know something's up.'

"I'm o.k. don't worry." She reassured him, which he knew meant 'I'm not ready to tell you yet.'

He reluctantly accepted it, "you coming to Emily's or what?" I looked to Renesmee for a decision.

"Can we talk?" She whispered to me so quietly no human would have heard it.

"Can we talk?" Seth mocked back at her; there was no point whispering around the supernatural.

"Seth get out of here, I'll meet you back at the house!" I instructed him. He laughed and then headed off after the others, "Save me at least three steaks." I added urgently, suddenly acknowledging the empty aching in my stomach.

I waited until he was far off then I turned towards Renesmee and held her out in front of me to examine her. "What's up?"

She looked on edge and shaken, "I need to tell you something, I need to speak to you." She told me in a daze, she appeared as if she were suffering from shock.

She pulled away from my grip and started walking down the beach, I jogged to catch up with her, "Well that's what I assumed when you said, 'can we talk?'" I mocked her, trying to cheer her up.

She didn't even seem to register that I had spoken though; I suddenly became worried, what had Edward said to her? How mad had he been with her about the kiss? I should have gone back with her, taken the blame.

I pulled on her arm to stop her and turned her around to face me again, "Look the kiss was my fault! Don't let your dad upset you, he's mad at me. I'll fix it. " I tried to comfort her, but the mention of the kiss seemed to shock her as if she had forgotten all about it. The idea of the kiss being the problem was obviously absurd to her; whatever was going on clearly had nothing to do with that.

She seemed surprised at herself; she looked confused as if she was realizing something. It was times like that in which I wished I had Edward's mind-reading skills.

"What, tell me?" I asked helplessly, asking was the only way I had, to know what she was thinking.

I thought she was going to speak but she just kept opening and closing her mouth with no sound escaping, finally she looked up at me with a look of finality in her eyes, "Will you kiss me again?" She inquired with a hint of desperation in her voice.

She had yet again caught me completely off guard; I spluttered and laughed at her request. "You must be joking! I'm in enough trouble from the first one."

"Trust me dad doesn't care about the kiss anymore." She stated coldly.

I was getting more and more confused, "Why not?"

She put her hands up towards me irritably, as if she was trying to physically stop my question from reaching her, "I'll tell you everything, but I need you to kiss me first. Please?"

I shook the request off dismissively, "Nessie, I'm not allowed to kiss you, earlier was a huge risk, I know you don't think your dad cares but I assure you he does! I'd be crazy to push him any further. I've promised him I'll wait." I hoped that she understood. I wasn't willing to make Edward any more disappointed in me than he already was.

Then to my surprise Renesmee without warning lunged towards me and pushed her lips into mine, I allowed the kiss for a moment, mostly because it took me a moment to register what was happening, then I pushed her away quickly, annoyed that she wasn't listening.

"Ness! I said no!" I shouted at her, did she really want Edward to disown me. I tried to explain again, "I'm sorry o.k.! I loved kissing you but it can't happen again, not until you've stopped aging."

She shouted back fiercely, frustrated that I wasn't giving her what she wanted, "Aren't you listening, it doesn't matter! No one cares, this is the last thing on anyone's mind!" she was being overly emotional. "Everything's different, so you have to kiss me now before this is different, and I'm different!"

"That didn't make any sense." I told her with an expression of utter confusion, "What is going on?! Tell me now." I ordered sternly, trying to take control of the situation, she was worrying me.

She tried again, persistent, "Once I've told you, nothing will be the same." She explained evenly. "Kiss me and then I'll tell you."

The conversation had reached a whole new level of weird, something wasn't right with her, I looked at her to try and see any signs that she had been possessed by someone else. Her eyes were hard, she was determined and I had a feeling if I wanted to get anything out of her, I'd have to do what she wanted.

I raised an eyebrow at her, unconvinced, was I about to fall for the oldest trick in the book, 'I'll tell you after I've got what I want', maybe I should have said I'd kiss her after she told me, but I didn't, I tried my own tactic.

I sighed deeply, "Alright. Come here then." I instructed her.

She looked up in surprise and then once I'd given her a look of impatience, stepped eagerly forwards towards me. I sighed again and then pulled her into me, bringing my lips to hers for a split second, just so that our lips brushed and the cool taste of her mouth was almost detectable but then I pulled away sharply. "There. Now tell me."

She looked up at me in outrage, knowing that I had deprived her; she glared at me in disappointment, "forget it." She shot at me overcome with betrayal and turned quickly to flee from me.

Guilt overtook me; she had really wanted me to kiss her but why? Why was this so important? Curiosities lead me to grab her arm hard at the shoulder and turn her back towards me.

"Fine." I muttered and pulled her in once again, crashing my mouth into hers. This time her taste invaded my entire mouth, my lips moved rapidly, drawing faint noises of satisfaction from her throat, without wanting it to my tongue slipped into action, brushing her bottom lip, lining the inside of her mouth, I shut me eyes in concentration trying to savour every moment. Her body stayed limp in submission as my left hand cupped the back of her head to keep her steady, and then just as suddenly as the last time I broke away before I lost myself in her.

We both gasped for air, overcome with the relief of it and then stared at each other in an intense hold, missing the taste of each other, my body electric wanting to touch her, kiss her more, in more places. I was a mess of hormones trying to gather themselves.

I broke away from her eyes, "Happy now?" I shot at her, annoyed that she had awoken my torturous need for her.

Her eyes remained on me; the same need reflected in them, she seemed different as to how she was before. "Let's go to cave." She suddenly urged me.

The cave was exactly as it sounded, a cave in the rocks down the shore of la Push, we had found it a few years back on one of our long walks, and had stayed in it for hours exploring it, and sitting by the opening, letting the waves brush our feet. Since that day it had become a sort of den of ours, we would walk there when we wanted time alone to talk or if we were upset, no one knew about it, it was our private hide away. But why did she want to go there now?

"Why?" I asked impatiently, still trying to control myself, pacing myself into the sand.

"Why do you think?" She shot in a frustrated manner.

I had no idea, but I knew she had wanted to tell me something so I guessed that was an obvious answer, "Can't you just tell me here?"

"I don't want to talk." She interrupted.

I froze and looked up at her in disbelief, her eyes confirmed my assumption. If she thought for a second I was going to the cave to take her virginity she wasn't as bright as I'd previously assumed.

"I hope you're joking." I laughed at her, but she wasn't laughing.

"I'm not. You want to don't you?" before I could answer she had cut me off, "You have to want to, you're my imprint."

"Quil is Claire's imprint, that doesn't mean he wants to have sex with her." I shot back in defence, pissed off that she was trying to make out I didn't have any choice.

"But he will." She shot back. "Are you saying you don't want to?"

I did want to, I wanted to more than anything, but not there, not then and not with her acting like a crazy person.

"I want to, but I wouldn't do it now, or like this, for anything." I warned her sternly.

"I think you would. If I asked you." She threatened me, referring to an annoying imprint side effect which meant I sometimes had to do what she asked of me, but she knew it didn't work that way.

"You know it doesn't work like that." I cautioned her.

"If I mean it, if I want it as much as I need it." She challenged me.

Suddenly I became a little terrified, as if I had been trapped in a room with a wild animal, I wasn't quite sure what she was capable of at this point, but something in her eyes made me hesitant to push her any further. This was a new level of the absurd, something had gotten into her, and if she was actually suggesting us going to the cave to have sex, whatever it was, it was something huge, and something I needed to know about.

"Stop it!" I scolded her angrily, "I am in no circumstances having sex with you today. I've kissed you. Twice. Now tell me what the hell is going on."

She hung her head in defeat, her body sinking as if she had let go of an act, after a moment, she touched her bottom lip as if she was trying to hold on to the kiss, trying to make it tangible so she could take it to remember me by, a sadness was radiating off of her, I dropped my anger and when she met my eyes she found me smiling at her warmly, worryingly.

"Please tell me what is going on?" I asked softly.

She shut her eyes and then took a moment before she opened them, when she did they were filled with tears.

"It's James, when I bit him, my venom has gotten into his blood stream and he's dying, or he might die, unless we turn him into a vampire, but it can only be part vampire, and so it has to be me, no one else." She said flatly.

At first the words were disconnected and abstract. "What?" I barely managed.

"James." She repeated.

I heard what she had said but the meaning was separated, lingering a while until it settled; now I was the one in shock. She hadn't made much sense but over the years I had learnt to interpret her nonsense and I now understood enough, "What?!" I shouted, finally allowing the words to take effect on me. "What do you mean?!...How? "but how was a pointless question, I knew how, it all came down to when?

"When did you find out about all this?" I was pacing deep into the sand now, trying to stop myself from phasing in rage.

"I went to his house. I knocked him out and dragged him back to Carlisle's" She said sheepishly.

My mind was about to implode! "You knocked him out?!"

I was in disbelief, she tried to explain herself, "I had to! He looked like a vampire; I had to get him to Carlisle."

The information seemed to be crashing violently in against my mind, making my head throb with confusion; I couldn't understand how it had happened. How had she known?

"Why were you at his house in the first place?!" I questioned her, knowing the answer would incriminate her.

"What?" she looked shaken as if she had been caught out.

"Why were you there? At the house?" I repeated slowly, I felt like an interrogator, needing the information and willing to get it by whatever means necessary.

"I needed to see him, I needed to say goodbye." She stumbled on her words, guilt dripping from them.

"I thought we agreed it was over? That a clean break was best!"

"I didn't plan on going over there." She began as she crossed her arms over her chest in support, a trade mark I knew she got from me, it meant she was lying. "We did decide that, but I changed my mind, I needed him to know that I was leaving, I needed to go there, and it's a good thing I did or else he'd have been dead by the time we got back!"

That was true but the fact she had been there in the first place, despite the fact she knew I didn't want her to, still angered me.

With her last comment, a new emotion crept up on me, a worry for this boy that had been nothing but trouble for me, a swaying towards him, his vulnerability, I was becoming surprisingly protective. The rage I had been feeling faltered as I realized the gravity of what Renesmee was telling me, James could die, and she would feel responsible. I couldn't let Renesmee hold that sort of weight with her, hanging over her and I couldn't let this boy suffer for her actions.

I took a deep breath and kicked into the sand hard. "And what were you going to do, tell me after I'd taken your virginity in the cave?!" I asked in disbelief, "that would have gone down a treat I'm sure. Just use me to blow off some steam because of him?!"

"No! I wanted to do it with you while everything was still the same with us, while you still loved me." She pleaded, while I ran circles in the sand with my foot.

I rolled my eyes and let out a growl of frustration, "how many times do I have to tell you! I can't stop loving you; I will never stop loving you. There is nothing that you can ever do that will make me stop loving you."

Even though the words were sentimental she knew they were just fact, that I couldn't help loving her. "But that doesn't mean I have to like you." I added cruelly. I was mad that she had doomed our whole relationship before it had even really begun; it just got worse and worse.

"I know." She admitted sadly. "I shouldn't have blackmailed you into kissing me."

"You don't say!" I snarled sarcastically.

I could see how tired she looked; she had been tearing her hair out over James, her eyes looked sore, she must have been crying before she got to me, as always my affection for her trumped my frustration. I tried to relax as I ran my fingers through my hair.

Finally after a few moments I give in, "fine, so we give him your blood, we'll fix it."

She seemed relieved that I was willing to be involved, that I wasn't going to turn my back on her and run, "I won't sacrifice his humanity." She informed me.

"What humanity will he have if he's dead?" I questioned.

She shrugged in exhaustion, having no answers for me. "I don't know, but will you come back to the house with me? I can't do this without you."

I had already decided I would have to help resolve the situation if I wanted her to ever be happy again, so I nodded in agreement. "You go back, and I'll come and meet you there soon."

I pulled her in close to me, letting her head rest underneath my chin; I felt her heart beat against mine and held her there in my arms for a moment, brushing my fingers down her hair in comfort.

"I'm sorry." She whispered into me softly. "I don't know what's going to happen."

I didn't respond but I pulled her outwards and pressed my lips firmly to her forehead.

"Get back to James, he'll need you there." I told her, and she simply turned and walked off towards the house.

I watched her walk, her lifeless step, everything that had happened before what she was now telling me had become insignificant. If James died I would be living with that lifeless girl for the rest of my existence, I had to do everything I could to keep that boy alive despite the fact I knew if he lived he could be a part of our world now forever.

I thought about how quickly I had adjusted to the idea of James being turned into a vampire, it reminded me of Bella finding out I was a werewolf, how easily she had accepted the idea. Nothing was unimaginable for us; nothing shocked me to the core anymore. She had bitten him, and now he would never be the same. Renesmee's words stayed with me, 'I won't sacrifice his humanity.' It was the same way I used to fight for Bella; I wanted desperately to keep her human, to keep her for myself. Did Renesmee want to keep James for herself?

Standing on the edge of the water, letting the waves wash over my bare feet, I realized I had no idea what was going to happen for us now, I felt our future altering, our paths becoming un-railed by her actions, the only thing I knew for sure was that she had been right; everything now was different.


	13. Chapter 12 Renesmee

**Chapter 12**

Renesmee

If I had previously had any doubt about the power of Jacobs imprint on me, I had now been converted into a true believer. What other explanation could there be for someone so good to be so constantly loyal to someone like me; a continuous disappointment. He had told me to stay away from James, but I couldn't, he was trying to get me to stay away from him right from the first time he kissed me, I thought it was because he was selfish but it was because he was aware of the destruction it could cause, the destruction I had now caused. James was infected and dying and Jacob was being hurt over and over. I was a wrecking ball, swinging from one side to another, destroying everything in its path.

Had I actually blackmailed Jacob into kissing me? Threatened him into sleeping with me? Was I that desperate to savour anything I could from what we had, before I tore it all to pieces? His face when I mentioned the imprint persuasion, his disappointment that I would actually consider making him submit to my will, something I had promised him a long time ago I would never use against him.

I had let both of them down; I didn't deserve either of them, both of them being far too good for me in every way imaginable. Jacob should have imprinted on someone else, someone mortal and someone who wasn't a mess. I knew I was out of control, how could I not be when one of them was on his death bed and the other ready to call the sexual abuse line. All I had wanted was to have that moment from the image in Jakes mind, the perfect happy couple, their naked bodies, the clasped hands. I knew it wasn't possible, because we weren't married and I wasn't happy, but I wanted it bad enough to beg for it, to need to skip to that time and delete everything in-between. Instead I had scared him, threatened him and abused his trust. Something told me that image no longer existed in our future, how could it? If James died I would never be happy again, and if he lived… I had no idea.

I was standing in a clearing of the trees outside the house. I knew James was inside but I couldn't physically bring myself to move forwards, to meet the horrors that awaited me. As much as I had wronged Jacob, James was on a completely different level. I had taken his whole life in my hands and put it in the balance for my own selfish needs. I had known there was no future possible for us, no path that led to a happy ending of a vampire posing as a mortal; fooling her husband forever into thinking she was normal, that he knew her. Yet I was too selfish to let him go, I loved him, or more accurately at first I loved what he represented for me, a possibility for normality but now he had become so much more to me than an idea, he was as real as anything had ever been to me, he was flesh and bone, he was fragile and unaware, he was human, and that made him my responsibility. I had developed an almost instinctual need to protect him and since the moment I heard that velvet voice and turned in horror to meet his gaze by his backdoor, everything else had become second priority and he was my first.

I couldn't decide if Jacob had been right about whether James would be better vampire than dead? All I knew was that I had to make these decisions quickly. How I would explain all of it to James I didn't have a clue, all I did know was that I wasn't going to figure any of it out standing out there in the wood line, hiding like a coward from my terrible mistakes, so I gathered myself and walked up towards the house.

Dad met me at the door.

"I was considering bringing you out a blanket, it seemed like you had decided to stand there all night."

I rested my head against the porch beams, smiling slightly at his kind mockery, "I couldn't pluck up the courage to come in." I admitted. "Is mum back?"

I could already tell by his tense expression that she wasn't, that he was waiting on edge for her return. He should have contacted her by now, but my guess was he didn't know quite what to say, and he didn't want to alarm her.

"I'm sure she'll understand." He tried to assure me warmly, but I could see the cracks in his composure, I knew he was dreading her arrival just as much as I was.

We stood in silence for a moment, I knew he was reading my thoughts but I didn't have the energy to care, I deserved for him to know, to understand what a horrible person I was.

"You are not a horrible person Renesmee." He told me off sternly.

He obviously hadn't looked hard enough, I thought to myself.

"You've upset Jacob." He summarized in a casual manner.

_Again_, I added. "People do desperate things when they're in panic." He tried to comfort me, not realizing I was beyond taking assurance for my actions.

"I blackmailed him into kissing me." I pointed out for him, "I made him betray your trust again." I felt ashamed and as the words came out I couldn't meet his eye.

He waited a moment to let my words sit with him and then he spoke in a very soft tone, "I have decided to leave Jacob in control of his own actions." He informed me, I looked up to him again in surprise, "Although I feel you are not old enough to make these decisions, I have grown to believe that he is, he has never made the wrong choices for you so far and for that he deserves my trust for the choices he has yet to make." He concluded.

I couldn't believe what he was saying; he was going to let Jacob decide the rules? We didn't have to wait until I stopped aging?

"Quite." He confirmed.

The flash of hope and excitement quickly left me, as I realized it didn't make much difference; I doubted Jacob would ever want to kiss me again now.

"I wish that were true." Dad laughed.

Now wasn't the time to think about it, as much as I wanted to pretend my biggest problems were me and Jacob's relationship, the one thing demanding all of my attention had very little patience for us, I needed to deal with the issue at hand, James. "How's he doing?" I asked, nodding slightly towards the house.

"He's awake. He's asking a lot of questions." He informed me gently.

He was awake, I would have to see him, explain to him why he was there and not at home. "Carlisle has told him the basics; that he wasn't feeling well, that he collapsed and you brought him here because you knew Carlisle was a doctor."

I thought about how many lies I would have to spin, how many times I would have to betray him, when would it end? "Why don't we tell him the truth?"

"It's your decision to make; we didn't want to make it for you." He explained supportively. "but obviously the supernatural elements will have to be restrained, the last thing you want is him to have a nervous breakdown."

I sighed; there were too many decisions to make, "I'll tell him what he needs to know, nothing more." I decided quickly, the less he knew the higher his chances were of returning to his normal life, if he survived.

"Have you given any thought as to what action you think we should take?" dad pressed carefully.

I hadn't, I had only tried to distract myself from the decision altogether. I shook my head slightly.

"Well you need to give it some thought now." He suggested, not needing to remind me that the time was short.

_I know._

**Renesmee…**

I walked into the room extremely slowly, trying to delay the encounter by as long as physically possible. When I approached the long chair in which he was sleeping in I was taken back again by his appearance; though he was meant to be sick, he looked beyond well, beautiful, like a marble statue.

He must have heard me approach as he opened his eyes to meet me, a smile creeping onto his perfect face.

"Hey you," he greeted me.

I had to remind myself not to burst into tears as a deep guilt tore at me from the inside; instead I smiled weakly in reply. "Hey."

I sat myself down next to him, placing my hands in my lap and clasping them tightly to keep me from falling apart.

"Your whole family is straight out of a vogue catalogue." He informed me quietly, his voice still soft and like liquid but seeming weaker than before.

So are you now, I felt like saying but I couldn't bring myself to speak or to laugh or even smile, I simply nodded in agreement.

"Though you don't look too hot right now," it was meant to sound like a joke but I knew he could tell I had been crying. He decided to quit the small talk, "What's going on?" He almost whispered to me.

I bit my lip slightly, preparing for what I would have to try to explain to him.

"What has Carlisle told you?" I checked firstly with him.

"That I wasn't feeling well, that you had taken me here to see him because he's a doctor, though I can't remember how I got here." He informed me.

I knocked you out and dragged you here over my shoulder I thought but somehow didn't think that would make him feel safer with me.

I decided to start now before I started to blubber, "James, I know we haven't known each other long, but I care about you a lot." I started to explain. "Do you feel the same?"

He answered easily. "I think it's obvious I do."

_You won't for long_, "So then I hope you know that I would never want to hurt you, I would never try to hurt you." I continued as he had finally started to look confused.

"O.k," he agreed, not sure where I was heading with it all.

"If I told you I was going to explain something to you, could you believe that everything I was saying to you was the truth?" I asked intensely, my hands shaking with nerves but my eyes fixed on his.

"If you told me it was true then I would believe you." He confirmed.

"James, everything I am about to say is the truth, it may be hard to believe or a lot to take in but I care about you, I'm not leaving you and you can trust me. O.k?"

"O.k. just tell me now, you're freaking me out." He rushed me impatiently.

I took a breath and continued, "James I'm infected with something." I stated straight out, even shocking myself a little.

His eyes flooded with concern, "with what?" he asked urgently.

Now I would have to be creative, "It's like a virus." I tried cautiously.

He was quiet, trying to understand what I was telling him, he seemed overwhelmed with concern, "Are you o.k.? Oh god you didn't bring me here to tell me you're dying did you? Because I'll end up crying in front of your whole family and Schwarzenegger and…"

I cut him off before he became hysterical, "No! I'm o.k., I'm living with it; I have been all my life."

He looked horrified, "Aids?" He whispered.

"No, not aids." I assured him, fighting a sudden irrational urge to laugh.

"What's it called?" He pressed me impatiently.

"It's rare, very rare." I gave him, trying to deter him.

"Well tell me, I'll Google it and…"

"I don't want you to Google it." I cut him off again. This was turning out to be a lot more complicated than I had imaged, "It's complicated but you have to just trust me when I tell you that I can't tell you right now, but that it's very rare."

He took a moment to sort through his confusion and then finally looked back up to me, "So why am I here?"

Here came the tough part, "When I bit you, you caught it." Again I had been too blunt but there really was no way to beat around the bush with that one.

His eyes understandably shot wide open, "What?!"

I continued quickly, desperate to get everything out in the open, "It's gotten from my saliva into your blood stream, when I noticed you were showing symptoms I brought you here to my family, Carlisle knows all about the virus and so I thought he could run some tests and try to help you."

He now looked completely in shock, he was already pale but his eyes seemed to have glazed over, "But you say it's not a killer, I can live with it? Like you, right."

Now I would have to break to him the urgency of it all, now the panic would really take over. I took his hand and he let me, unable to move to object even if he wanted to.

"That's the problem, because I've had it from birth my body has grown with the virus but it was inflicted on you so suddenly, your body isn't compatible."

He became intolerant, "What does not compatible mean?"

I couldn't lie to him, "Your organs are failing and your heart could eventually stop."

Maybe I should have held back a bit but the words came out before I could stop them. His body froze over, his eyes wide and stuck in a moment of pure horror. James didn't object, he didn't question me, without any logical reason he just trusted me, he believed every word I had said and even though I was no doctor and he had no idea where he was or what was happening, he put his entire faith in what I was telling him.

I acted quickly, moving closer to him and forcing myself into his line of vision.

"But we're going to fix it!" I assured him, I didn't know where the sudden surety of it all had come from, but I was, I was sure. Looking at his face pale with shock, I knew there was no other option but to fix it, to cure him, whatever it took; I would stop this from destroying him.

Somehow he must have seen this absolute confidence I had quickly taken on and he shook himself out from his paralysed state to join me again.

"What should we do?" He asked me meekly, like a child calling for help.

I had to decide now, we had two options; one we waited to see what happened and he could die or two we flooded him with venom and we risked his humanity, neither was good enough. I needed a better option and if Carlisle didn't have one, I'd find one. I suddenly felt like a solider on the front line, there was no time to panic, there was no time to reflect, if I didn't act immediately he'd die. I would have to put everything I had into saving him, if I lost Jacob then I deserved that anyway.

"We're going to act now." I told him confidently.

He seemed to relax in my confidence.

"James, I never wanted you to know this about me, I never wanted to hurt you. I am so sorry." And I meant it; I meant it more than I had meant anything.

Then without any warning he leaned in and kissed me very gently on the cheek, my insides shivered with the tenderness of his touch, then as he pulled away his eyes met mine, filled with tears.

"What about my family?" He enquired acting as if the last moment hadn't existed.

"I haven't told your mum, or anyone, we texted her off of your phone when I first brought you here telling her you were staying at Keith's for the night."

He nodded his head in agreement, "That was a good idea, now she won't expect anything from me until tomorrow now." But what then? I dared to think.

I wished I had a way to fix him, that my body wasn't filled with evil but with good, that I could flood him with a cure rather than a virus. In my mind a thought flickered, a tiny hope in the midst of all the chaos.

**Renesmee…**

An hour later everything had changed, mum had returned and her and dad had argued, which was a rare occurrence, Jacob had showed up and departed to his room in which he had not emerged from since, everyone else was in a panic, trying desperately to think what would be the next plan of action, and I had, with Carlisle's help, come up with a ludicrous and self-destructive plan.

The only thing that hadn't changed was James' condition which was only getting worse; he had been sleeping since I had left him and was significantly weaker and more beautiful than only a few hours before.

I approached Jacob's door. How could I be standing there waiting to do what I was about to do, knowing what I had already done? I didn't have the time to assess my awful behaviour, I was running on a timer, I didn't bother knocking as I knew he didn't want to see me. He turned as he heard me come in, meeting my eye and then turning his head slightly away from me; he had been standing and looking out of the window, probably since he arrived; he had a particular way of sulking.

"Hey." I tried quietly.

"Could you have taken any longer to come up here?" he moaned, "I've been sulking for half an hour."

I rolled my eyes at him humorously, "Sorry, slight emergency going on downstairs."

He clearly wasn't in the mood for procrastinating, "Edward's spoken to me, I'm guessing you had something to do with this new found trust he has in me." He accused.

I had expected him to jump to that conclusion, "I promise you, I said nothing to him, I was just as shocked as you." I tried to persuade him.

He took a moment to decide whether he believed me and then continued, "What do you want?" He asked abruptly.

I should have expected the anger but it still managed to shock me slightly, I decided the only way forward was to fix the existing damage, "to apologize." I replied meekly.

He turned back to meet me and raised an eye brow in an unimpressed manner. "Right, go on then."

I was unfamiliar with his harshness but I knew I deserved it, "Jake, I'm so very sorry for blackmailing you, for threatening you, for just generally being a complete idiot earlier."

He stayed fixed with the same expression, "And?.." he prompted me.

"And I should have never suggested that we had our first time in the damp cave with a load of seaweed." I continued.

"And?.."

"And I should have told you straight away about James?" I tried.

He nodded but continued, "And..."

I sighed, running rapidly out of ideas, "And I promise I won't ask you to kiss me or to have sex with me again." I added.

"Well don't go promising things like that." He joked, finally turning fully around to face me.

I laughed slightly, "for now." I edited.

He smiled for the first time but then hardened his gaze, not willing to give over to me that easily.

"Seriously though, you don't ever use imprint stuff against me. Ever, that's not us; we don't treat each other like that."

I nodded in agreement, "Right, I know, awful, I'm horrible." I assured him earnestly, hating myself.

"And don't expect now that Edward has given the go ahead that that means we're suddenly going to be having sex, because as far as I'm concerned we're not."

I wasn't exactly sure what I had been expecting but I hadn't been expecting him to suddenly take me then and there, a little excitement on the matter maybe, but nothing more. I thought it was the guys that were meant to be sexed crazed? Trust me to get one with morals.

"Of course not." I tried to sound offended.

His face was still hard and stern.

"You still like him, he's sick and he needs you and as annoyed as I am that this is the case, this is the case. You have to be with him for now; I'm not sleeping with you or being with you while his life dangles in the balance."

I hung my head, ashamed, I didn't want to be stuck in the middle but he was right, that was the case. "o.k." I agreed.

Then to my surprise he just shook his head in an aggravated manner and then smiled at me, "good, well now that's sorted let's get back to James." He spoke lightly.

I was completely confused, "That's it?" I asked baffled.

"I know you were only acting like a crazy person because you were upset. It's not every day you turn someone into a vamp," he explained easily.

I cocked my eyebrow unconvinced; I shouldn't have been let off the hook that easily.

"Do you feel horrible about yourself?"

"Completely." I told him with certainty.

"Good." He joked, "Then it's forgotten."

The relief I felt with those words were indescribable, he had lightened the load of guilt and I again had to bite my lip to stop myself from tearing up. "Thank you." I mouthed to him. His comforting smile carried across the room and warmed my whole body. Then before I gave myself time to become happy in this isolated moment of content, I broke everything.

"Jake, I've had an idea. A plan, I think it could help James, save him." I told him enthusiastically.

He looked hopeful, "Brilliant! Don't tell me, tell Carlisle." He instructed urgently.

"I have." I told him carefully, "He has no idea if it will work but he says it could."

He seemed genuinely happy, "o.k. great what do we need?"

Then as I stood in front of him, my hands clasped, too nervous to speak, I could see it slowly dawning on him, the desperation in my eyes was hard to misread, he knew…

…the thing we needed was him.


	14. Chapter 13 Bella

Chapter 13

**Bella**

The decision to live my life within the confines of the strange and supernatural was one that now I realize I made very instinctively and with little consideration for the future. Before you are a mother you cannot imagine what it is like to be one, you live only for yourself and your needs, then when your child arrives in your life, it takes hold of it, consumes all of your wishes for yourself and is suddenly, of course unintentionally, the centre of your world. After this the things that you wanted or thought you needed become unimportant and all that haunts you is the question; did I make good choices for them when I was thinking of myself?

I wanted to be a vampire but did Renesmee? She didn't get that choice, I made it for her, I chose her path in life before I even knew of her existence, and so every mistake, every bad outcome in her life; I hold myself accountable. I love Edward so much that it couldn't have been wrong, though sometimes I wonder why Renesmee fights against what she is so much? Why she envies so much what I gave up in a second. I can't help but think of Rosalie, how she had been dragged into her life without consent, had I done the same to Renesmee?

Obviously I knew my thoughts were madness, I knew she wouldn't exist if it weren't for Edward, and that she was meant to have him as a father, that she is what she was meant to be, therefore there is no alternative path running alongside our lives. Yet sitting in the back room in silence, listening to the voices of the others in the house and the distant weak heartbeat of James, I couldn't help but torture myself for the pain Renesmee had caused.

I had been left alone to settle, me and Edward had argued but not over James or the bite, nor him keeping me in the dark, over Jacob; over what Edward had given permission for without my agreement.

I had been secretly dreading this day for a while. It's one thing to have your best friend be in love with your daughter, it's another to have your best friend making love to her. I knew it was coming, though this didn't stop my mind from trying to shut out the reality of my hideously complicated situation.

I couldn't stay mad at Edward but not through lack of trying. He had come in to see me a few minutes before, his brow furrowed with concern.

"Do you want me to go back on my word?" Though Edward could not read my thoughts it often seemed as though he could.

It was funny that James or his impending death hadn't sent me into a state of anger; but the decision to let Jacob have free reign on his actions with Renesmee. How could Edward have decided that without me?

"I would have waited to discuss it with you but I knew how complicated the situation is from your perspective, I thought it would be easier to take control," easier maybe but also more sudden and unnerving.

I merely nodded and he left the room, understanding I needed some time to… well as I said, settle; settle into the idea that soon my Jacob and my Renesmee would be having sex for the first time. Both mine and yet both felt so far from me, too far from when they were my personal sun and my bouncing baby.

Then my bouncing teenager appeared in the doorway, as if she could feel me longing for her company. I examined her. Every mother feels that her child is the most beautiful, the most precious and I felt it in that moment so fiercely that I am certain I would have bet her beauty against any being on the planet. Her face was the combination of a flawless pale with a blushed tint of humanity, her eyes soft hazel, as mine were before, her eyelashes long and her mass of hair wild and wondrous.

"Mum?"

I turned to meet her with a soft smile which she returned generously. She came to me, sitting closely at my side by the window, looking out with me at nothing in particular, the warmth of her body penetrating my skins frozen force-field.

We sat this way for a while, both indulging in the quiet company of the other. Then she turned to me, the soft features of her face that I had always recognized from her infancy had become precise and striking. I felt the loss of them, as if they had left me without my goodbye or my consent; she was no longer a child.

She saw this sadness in me. "I'm sorry about James."

The way she said his name had caught my attention from the first time she said it, with a fondness that I recall from the way I used to cherish Jacob's name, a sadness that latches on.

"Don't blame yourself for all of this."

"I should have listened to you…when you warned me about dating a human. It is too complicated."

Hearing my words played back to me made me want to laugh, how hypocritical of me.

"You can't control these things Nessie. No matter how much people want to believe differently, you have no control over who you care about in this world. It creeps up on you and then there is nothing you can do to change it."

A moment passed and I continued to stare out at the leaves twisting in the breeze, the two birds flirting on the attached branches.

"Mum?"

"hmm." I hummed in a reverent peacefulness.

"Other than dad…have you…was there ever anyone else?"

The question surprised me but I had never lied to my daughter and I wasn't going to start if I could help it.

"There was." Admitting it aloud to her felt dangerous, I was instantly out of my depth, scared, as if I had jumped into a deep end with confidence but then once hitting the water had realized I didn't remember how to swim.

"Did you love them?...Like you love dad?"

"No, not like I love Edward." She waited for the part she wanted to hear. "But I loved them." I had to stop myself from saying 'love him' in the present tense.

I watched her examine my statement, clinging on to each syllable to analyse it carefully.

"Why?" I could tell, thankfully, that she wasn't interested in the details of my past love life but was trying to solve her own dilemmas.

She sighed heavily, in a melodramatic way that she had picked up from Jacob. "Jacob was in love with this other girl before me." She admitted in an annoyed tone.

I wanted to suddenly get up and excuse myself but I was stuck as frozen as my bloodless heart.

"Oh?" was all I could muster but she ranted on without noticing my awkward state.

"And he's vague about her, he won't talk to me about her in detail, doesn't tell me her name, or where she lived, even her hair colour or if she was fat or thin."

I felt a ridiculous surge of defence. I tried to look interested in what she is saying as if hearing about it for the first time.

"All I know is that he loved her. A lot." She informs me, a deep hatred rooted in her disapproval of this female.

Nothing will ever be as weird as your daughter talking about you as if you are some unknown teenage rival, seducing her boyfriend. I wanted to laugh… and scream…and run.

Then she turned to me quickly, desperately, as if she had just come to acknowledge one last shred of hope on the situation.

"Did you know about her?...Did you know her?...You and Jacob have been friends for ever right? You must have at least heard of her."

Unfortunately the no lying to my daughter rule would now have to be broken without hesitation.

"Yes…of course…" What was I saying? I would have to decide the facts as I went along and regret them later, "I never met her but I knew about her."

I could instantly see in her a hope so fierce it was literally pooling out from her. "What did you know about her? What did he tell you?" She rushed me so eagerly she nearly fell from her seat.

Shit.

"I know that she hurt him a lot, he loved her but he's much happier loving you." I tried to reassure her.

She looked at me disappointed and unconvinced. "**Bull." **

"Renesmee!" I gasped, appalled and slightly amused.

"What? Mum I can go to him for soppy comfort crap, I want the truth…tell me something real?...What do you know about her?. Please."

I sighed and then without thought, I decided to just tell her, about myself. "Well from what I know of her she had brown hair, long, she was clumsy… quite shy and stumbled on her words a bit…she was quiet but not a push over. Nice."

It was amusing to me that although I was describing myself, my own daughter would never recognize these traits in me, as my human flaws were long gone before she could remember. It was as if I were reminiscing over a long lost friend; my former self.

"Was she pretty?" She almost whispered to me.

"I never met her remember." I replied, pleased with myself for remembering my end of the story.

"But you must have known someone who had? You must have seen her somewhere, at some point?"

I winced at the obvious fact that we lived in forks and there was no one who didn't know of everyone in the town, if not personally than at least through someone else.

I sighed again, "I saw her once maybe, briefly but I never spoke to her."

"What was her name?"

I said the first one that came to my head, "Annie." Annie? Great. I hated that name.

"And was she pretty?" She repeated urgently.

Now, how do you answer a question like that about yourself? I was always hard on myself when I was human about my appearance, compared to Edward I was a hideous freak show but looking back I felt a need to do myself justice in this instance.

"She was attractive enough," I told her, which for me was gushing over myself.

Nessie turned sour, a dark jealousy crushing her from within. My maternal instincts caused me to rush to correct myself. "But she had nothing on you Nessie."

She smiled at me thankfully, recovering herself from her dark place.

"Annie." She mused to herself.

I wished I had picked Charlotte or Beth! Beth is closer to Bella. Annie was cringe worthy.

"Anyway, none of that matters anymore hun." Trying hard to close to subject, "Jacob doesn't love her anymore…I can promise you that."

Then Nessie looked to me as though she was going to cry. "It does matter." She blubbered.

I turned and folded my arms around her. "Why?...He loves _you_ Nessie."

She buried herself into my shoulder miserably, "It's not about love. It's about sex."

I pulled her away at arm's length abruptly, an unintentional reaction. "What?!"

She whipped her damp eyes with her sleeve. "When I asked Jacob to have sex with me…."

I cut her off immediately, "What?! When?"

"Mum, please can we not dwell on that right now."

I stared sternly at her until her damp puppy-dog eyes won me over and then I rolled mine in defeat and gestured for her to continue.

"I asked Jacob to have sex with me because I knew he wouldn't but now we're allowed and I've realized it doesn't matter anyway because it's ruined."

I stayed immobile and frowned in utter confusion until she continued, "I wanted my first time to be someone else's first time but now it can't be, not with Jacob. Now my first time is going to be with someone whose first time was spent thinking about this pretty Annie girl."

Oh she was just being paranoid and jumping to conclusions. "Renesmee, Jacob didn't sleep with Annie."

But instead of the wave of relief I was expecting from her I got a roll of the eyes. "I know that."

I was still confused, so why was she upset?

"But that doesn't mean he wasn't thinking about her the whole time he was losing his virginity to that other girl."

I wanted to laugh aloud; I had never been so confused and outraged in my whole life. "Nessie, what are you talking about? You're confused."

"What am I confused about?"

"Hun, Jacob never slept with anyone. He never slept with Annie, and since then he's been waiting for you your whole life."

Then she turned to me a mirror of my own confusion, "You don't know?" She gasped as if she had just discovered I didn't know my own name.

"Know what?" I asked urgently, we had switched roles, now I was the one desperate for information and she the one flustered and unsure.

"Oh…what…Jacob tells you everything…I assumed Jake had told you…I thought you knew." She whispered; looking completely worried for her life, "he's going to kill me, please don't tell him I said anything."

But there was no back tracking now, "Who did Jacob sleep with?" I asked, shell shocked.

She hung her head, knowing I wouldn't let her leave without the truth, "Annie dumped him for this other guy, so he ran off."

My mind was spiralling, after Jake found out about the wedding, that month where I didn't know where the hell he was, that month of sheer dread. She had stopped talking. "Go on."

"He met some girl in a bar; he went back to hers and they…well you get the gist. That was his first time but I didn't exist yet, so I can't be upset and I can't get mad."

But I could, I had existed then and I was mad. I had no control over the feelings that had engulfed me. Jacob had lost his virginity to some girl that he had met in a bar. I felt like I was having an outer body experience or a dream that I was trying to wake up from but couldn't.

Renesmee stared at me, not understanding what was going on in my mind, she was about to speak when Edward appeared at the door, right on cue.

"Renesmee," he broke the never ending moment of tension and Renesmee jumped and shot up in surprise.

"Dad..hey..what's up?" She stumbled, probably trying frantically to keep him from reading her thoughts on what we had just been discussing, which was pointless because I knew he had known long before she or I had.

"James is awake, Carlisle wants to discuss with him the plan and so you should be there."

She looked to me for permission to leave and I nodded, "Make sure you try to keep him as in the dark as possible." I added,_ like I have been all these years_.

She bent down to hug me and then in a whisper that was almost non-existent, she quickly urged into my ear, "Don't tell."

Then she moved back and beamed at me in a mask of contentment, I joined her for a moment and then she walked out, kissing Edward briefly on the cheek before exiting.

When Edward and I were alone I turned back to resume staring out of my window.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I finally broke into the silence.

As always his reply was even and calm, "It wasn't my place."

All this time he had let me believe Jacob was a virgin, the soul mate of my daughter, the one person I thought I knew everything about. But this time Edward wasn't to blame, it was Jacob, Jacob my 'best friend' had lied to me all this time.

I moved to face him, my frozen features hiding the turmoil underneath. Meeting his beautiful face I suddenly felt a familiar embarrassed at my reaction, "I'm not upset."

He smiled at me warmly, amused. "Alright."

"I'm not!"

"It's o.k. to be hurt." He assured me affectionately.

I was shocked by the intention of his statement, "I'm only hurt because he lied to me." I cried defensively, trying to be quiet.

Edward looked at me like a child with heavy eyelids who was trying to convince her mother she wasn't tired. "Bella, you are upset. Yes because Jacob lied to you but also because he slept with another girl."

My mouth gaped open at his words, I couldn't believe he thought that, "No! You can't believe that. I don't feel anything for Jacob anymore. Not like that, how could I? He's in love with my daughter."

Edward laughed and I felt as though I would punch him or pass out from stress. "I know you don't love him now but you loved him then. You loved him when he was sleeping with that other girl and he was meant to love you, remember." My composure cracked and he approached me and took me willingly into his arms. "Bella the past doesn't just disappear; it lingers and stays with us, it's part of who we are."

I hated this about Edward, this all knowing attitude, this ability to cut through all the crap and see straight to the core of everything. And of course he was right, the guilt of not being able to be with Jacob had weighed on me then, dragging me down into a torture that only unrequited love can create. I love Edward more than myself, more than anything but I had also loved Jacob. I had loved him in a way that felt like a continuous punch in the stomach whenever I was without him. That need for him stayed with me everywhere I went, I ignored it, I hid it but it remained until the day Renesmee was born and then it lifted.

It made no logical sense, I had no right to feel what I was feeling but I _was_ hurt or I was hurting on the behalf of my former self, the girl that loved Jacob and who he had said he loved. He had run away because his love for this girl was so unbearable, and then he had run straight into bed with another woman, only to turn up at her wedding to confess his love again. I was upset on behalf of this girl; Annie.

I looked up to Edward apologetically, "I'm going to go outside for a bit."

He smiled at me with enough love to fill a hundred hearts, "Go get some air." He joked, knowing full well I didn't breathe. I smiled in amusement and in love.

"Thank you." I whispered and then kissed him and fled.

Outside the feeling of the breeze on my skin was enough to give me the impression of an escape from the house, I walked out further into the trees, walking in a pace that betrayed my abilities. I wanted to distance myself from the nightmare of the house and all of the dramas inside it but my body felt weighed down, as if all the burdens of loving Jacob had somehow returned to pile onto me and were stopping me from moving, I felt human.

"I thought it would be harder to find you but you haven't seemed to have gotten very far."

With all of my vampire instincts in remission I actually jumped for the first time since I lost my humanity. "Shit!" I exclaimed as I scowled at Jacob who was leaning against the tree beside me.

He didn't seem amused though, he seemed weary and cautious. "I didn't think it was possible to sneak up on a vampire." He presented as his defence.

"Well thanks for putting it to the test."

"Sorry."

"What for? Making me jump or lying to me for seven years?" I snarled at him, continuing to walk ahead.

He cut in front of me desperately, holding me by the shoulders until I glared at his hands and he released me instantly. "Bells, please, let me explain."

"o.k." I prompted him.

His expression was clueless as he tried to muster up some words, finally giving up moments later "I can't."

"Well that was successful."

I tried to walk around him but he quickly cut in front again, "Bella!"

This time I faced him straight on, eye to eye. "What? Jacob what do you want? Edward sent you after me to make nice, well I'm not interested right now."

He sighed and broke my gaze to run his hands through his hair, in that instant it was like we had shot back in time, another fight over us by the bike shed. When he finally looked back at me again I knew he was in the same place as me.

"How could you keep this from me?"

"When was I meant to tell you? On your wedding day? Or when you were knocked up with your vamp baby? Or when I imprinted on your vamp baby? None of which seemed like a good time to bring up the fact I lost my virginity to a total stranger!"

"What about any other time in the last seven years?"

He let out a frustrated groan, "I should have! But I didn't want to. I didn't want you to know."

I shook my head in anger, "Well if you didn't want me to know you shouldn't have told my daughter!"

"I thought she'd keep it to herself." He muttered before I gave him my death look and he winced like he was being pinched.

"Like you thought she'd keep Annie to herself?"

He looked completely confused. "Who?"

"Me. I had to rename myself when Renesmee bulldozed me with the information that you were in love with another girl before her."

"And you chose the name Annie?" He exclaimed in disbelief. "The red-headed child orphan? Real sexy."

"I was caught off guard! Just like I was when she then told me you had lost your virginity seven years ago to a girl from a random bar!"

He flinched at this as if I'd physically hit him.

"She wanted her first time to be your first time! You let me believe it would be."

"I'm sorry! I didn't know she existed then, I didn't know I was going to imprint on her!"

"But you knew you were going to imprint on someone! So why didn't you wait?"

"I didn't care about my future imprint remember! I cared about you and you were off the table so I rebelled. I was an idiot! "

"Well Renesmee…"

"You're not mad because of Renesmee, this is about you!"

He stopped me in my tracks, he could see through my scape goat of pinning this down to a defensive mother. This was about me.

"Yes it's about me, it's about you betraying me, lying to me and hiding it from me! Making me look and feel like an idiot!"

I turned my back to him and cupped my hands to my face, trying to be alone.

Persistently he circled me and took my hands away with his, "Bells, I didn't tell you because I wanted to forget it, I felt so ashamed…more than that, I felt dirty, it killed me to be having sex with someone else!"

I was uncomfortable with this confession, I became awkward, having forgotten that this whole thing was about sex. Then I adjusted, we were both adults after all and I did want to discuss it.

"I doubt it was that bad." I mocked him bitterly.

He sighed.

"What was she like?"

"I don't know, I didn't even really know her."

"I meant in bed." I informed him bluntly.

His eyes bulged and then deflated as he laughed slightly, "Is that it? You're jealous."

"I'm not jealous!" I shouted a little too unconvincingly.

"Bella I spent the whole time imagining it was you and then afterwards I tortured myself because it wasn't. Which I'm sure is more than you did when you were with Edward."

That familiar heavy guilt weighed down on me once again.

"I didn't tell you because of the same reason I'm guessing you didn't fill me in on the details of how Renesmee was conceived. I didn't want to hurt you."

"You hurt me by lying to me! I've been a lot of things to you in the past but never a lair."

"I didn't lie to you! I kept it from you. Like you kept your engagement from me or the fact that your boyfriend was a vampire, or the fact that you loved me."

He was right; I had no grounds to be mad. "Well I'm sorry that I have no right to be upset but I am!"

For some reason he found this cute and smiled at me which melted my frustration and anger and for no reason at all made me laugh helplessly at myself. "This is crazy; this happened a million years ago, I don't have any reason to be upset about this now." I admitted.

He closed the gap between us and pulled my face up to meet his, we were standing very close, I could feel his warm breath on my nose.

"I promise you, I am sorry I slept with Sarah."

I looked surprised at him.

"Yes I remember her name; I'm not a complete dick." Sarah, another name to hate.

Bringing me back to him, he took my cold face in his warm palms and looked at me with all the intensity of the man he had become, "Look, I understand why you're upset but I promise you, you don't need to be. I never betrayed my feelings for you, I may have stopped being completely honest with you when I slept with her but I didn't stop being completely in love with you."

If I were Annie I would have blushed and felt that agony deep in the pit of me but I knew what he was saying wasn't true.

"You never loved me Jake; you always loved Renesmee, in some way. It was always her, not me." Though this sounded sad it was actually magical and something I had come to accept and treasure.

But he shook his head dismissively, "You're wrong Bells, it may have been Renesmee that drew me to you and kept me there but I always loved you too, for you."

I looked at him unconvinced, "I still do," he winked and I burst both with laughter and love.

"Don't tell Nessie." He joked and pulled me in close for a hug, holding me there tight for a long, long, comfortable moment.

"We good?" He asked from above me, my head resting comfortably against his warm chest.

I smiled wearily from below, "We're good." I confirmed, letting the weight of us evaporate from me for hopefully the last time.

"Good because it would be kind of awkward to have my mother in law angry with me because I cheated on her back in the day."

I pushed him hard and he tumbled playfully, laughing as he went. I relished in his laughter, letting it fill me up with that old warmth. "You two are going to be ridiculously happy."

He hurled himself upright again, brushing himself off with a deep exhale of breath, "God, I hope so."

"You are. I'm sure of it. You just need to keep at it Jake."

He smiled despairingly at me, "Not like I get much choice in that."

But I knew he wasn't a prisoner bound to Renesmee, what he meant was that he loved her unconditionally and he knew he would never stop; that he could never give up on her. And in that way I liked to think that Nessie and I had a lot in common.

"You've always been my best friend." I told him earnestly.

He beamed at me with pride, "And I always will be."

I sighed happily, letting the subject close and lock between us.

"Right you better get back to the house, aren't you the main attraction in the whole 'saving James plan'."

He suddenly lost all humour and groaned dramatically as Nessie had done not yet an hour before, "Can't we just let him die? "

I raised an eyebrow at him, not amused, "Fine!" He moaned and then gave me one of his cheekiest grins before running back towards the house.


	15. Chapter 14 Jacob

Chapter 14

**Jacob**

_From the moment Bella was pregnant with Renesmee Carlisle had been fascinated with the 'genetic similarities' between us. The fact that we both grew rapidly and that Alice could see neither of our futures had him gripped with curiosity from the start. At the time I wanted nothing to do with his genetic experiments, having hated her before I knew what or who she was, but obviously after the imprint scenario, I had to give in to letting him take a sample of my genes for his personal laboratory. _

_Twenty-four-pairs as he predicted. Making us a perfect genetic match. Through further research I was unfortunately informed of all the details of my genetic abilities in comparison to Renesmee's, most of which I paid very little attention to. The basic difference was that her genes contained high levels of venom causing them to transform and change her human make-up, resulting in her unusual development habits and low body temperature. But the most complex difference was that her genes were not compatible with other cells, they would infect them, transforming them to match her own, where as my cells though they had a similar make-up were the opposite; they would not change the formula of other cells but would regenerate and multiply them at a rapid speed, fusing tissue and bone matter, apparently proving not just my abilities to heal myself, but also the possibility that I could heal others. _

_This had all meant nothing to me at the time and with my lack of enthusiasm and co-operation Carlisle eventually grew bored of his research and dropped the whole subject all together. I was not to think of it again until the day Renesmee cornered me in my room at the Cullen's, looked at me with those pleading eyes and asked me to try and help save James' life, until the day when that very same research had caused me to become a key feature in Carlisle and Renesmee's plan to try to use my cells to help James regenerate his failing organs. _

_ …._

By the time I arrived back at the house, from my little drama with Bella, Renesmee was already waiting for me by the door, when she saw me she ran instantly to reach me, flinging her arms around me in panic and burying her face into my neck.

There she started whispering frantically into my ear.

"I'm so sorry…I didn't know she didn't know…I didn't mean to get you into trouble…I didn't think she'd care…please don't be mad at me….I'm so so sorry."

I hadn't thought about being mad at her until then but the moment I felt her cool breath against my neck and her soft apologies, I knew It would be a lost cause anyway.

"It's OK, I'm not in trouble," which was kind of true, the less she knew the better.

I pulled her away from me slightly and brushed some hair from her face tenderly. "I'm not in trouble." I comforted her softly.

She loosened her grip on my neck and smiled at me with relief, "good, I'm sorry."

I laughed at how emotional and serious she was being over it and decided to lighten things up, I was sick of seeing her so miserable, "Not sorry enough; I think you maybe need a punishment." I teased her.

She smiled through her puffy eyes, which had been set into a permanent state of redness since the beginning of the week. "What kind of punishment?" She asked worriedly.

She was so stunning, I kept letting my mind drift to her perfect dimples or her freckled shoulders, the love I had for this girl was sickening, even to me; it was embarrassing and completely uncontrollable. I hadn't lied to Bella, I _had_ loved her, I really had but my love for Renesmee was beyond measure, beyond everything; I was besotted.

"I don't know…" I pulled away and started to circle her like a predator, "hmm…well for a dirty snitch…" I dragged out smugly.

She laughed with anticipation.

"…You don't seem to be quite dirty enough." I threatened her.

She eyed me up cheekily expecting me to be referring to some sort of sexual activity, which I could have been but after the drama of the day I decided to restrain myself. Instead I picked her up, as she shrieked with delight, and I threw her into a mass of leaves by the porch steps.

She screamed as I covered her in dirty leaves, until I lay myself next to her, laughing nearly as much as she was. "There, that's much better." I told her contently.

"Great now I'm going to have to shower again." She fussed, trying to pick leaves out of her wild hair.

As she cleared three leaves from the front of her hair I hid three more into the back. She whipped around to catch me in the act and then grabbed a handful from the pile, rubbing them aggressively into my face. I spluttered and held her back as she laughed greedily.

"Alright truce!" I offered and she eyed me up suspiciously, "I'll put my leaves down if you drop yours."

She stayed armed until I let go of my handful, then she hesitantly dropped hers in return.

"Great now_ I _need a shower." I whined.

She looked at me suggestively, we both thought it but neither said it. What the hell was Edward thinking putting me in charge of this situation, I was the least responsible person to be in control of our love life, part of me wanted to wait until she had stopped aging, wait until the thing with her and James was over, the other part wanted to wait for nothing and drag her to the shower with me.

"So Annie." She stated, derailing my train of thought.

I nearly said _who?_ But then realized, oh yes the redheaded orphan child I used to be in love with.

"So you got the name." I noted, pretending I hadn't already known this through Bella.

"Yep, mum told me", she confirmed. "She also told me she was 'attractive enough', which for her means she was really beautiful."

I was surprised to hear Bella speaking so highly of herself.

"Well I don't go for mingers. " I teased, and she smiled begrudgingly.

"Well she must be pretty if mum thinks so, she compares everyone against vampire standards and that's hard to match… I should know." She added bitterly.

I sighed with amusement, "Can we not do that thing where you say how ugly you are so that I have to spend ten minutes convincing you how beautiful you are." I mocked her.

She laughed and agreed, "Fine," in a guilty tone.

"Good because I'd rather not lie to you." I grinned and she held another pile of leaves up threateningly to silence me.

"So why didn't you want to tell me about Annie?"

God that name got more annoying by the second but now it wasn't just the name it was the whole huge lie that surrounded it, every question was an even bigger mess that would come back to kick me in the butt. Too many things to keep track of, I would have to fill Bella in on every detail I made up so we didn't double cross each other. It was a nightmare and in the end it would only end one way. I wanted to tell her then and there but I was scared, I'd need to ask Bella first and Nessie had too much on her plate with James as it was. So instead, I kept lying.

"Because it was a painful time for me and I wanted to keep it separate from you."

She looked at me unmoved, "pussy."

I let my mouth drop open cartoon style. "Miss Cullen, don't make me wash your mouth out with leaves."

She giggled, "You wouldn't because you're too much of a pussy."

I jumped onto her and covered her head in leaves as she screamed in delight. A moment later Alice was hovering above us, glaring down on us both with a fiery authority.

"Sorry to interrupt this merry moment but Renesmee that top cost me $90! And here you are covering it with dirt for fun."

I sat up and yanked Renesmee up with me, "Sorry Alice it was her fault, she's a bad influence on me."

Ness kicked me hard in the back of the leg, which didn't hurt at all but I bent slightly and acted wounded to humor her. "Now who's the dirty snitch?" She laughed.

Without turning, I reached my arm out and pushed her hard, back into the pile. "Still you," I added humorously.

"Jacob!" Alice bellowed, which was impressive from someone so small.

"Sorry Alice, I'll buy her a new one." I groveled but we both knew there was no way in hell I would.

"Renesmee that top needs to come off now and be put into a hot wash." She instructed.

I turned to face Renesmee and started to pretend to pull up her top, "You heard her Ness that top needs to come off now." I said cheekily, Ness laughed but Alice stopped her abruptly with her cold expression.

"O.k., o.k. I'm going." Ness laughed and slid past Alice to head into the house, not before shooting me a hilarious, deadly serious look from over Alice's shoulder, to which I smirked with amusement.

When I finally had the courage to look Alice straight on I expected a scornful eye to meet me but Alice's strict appearance changed rapidly into one of soft panic, taking me by surprise.

"Jake listen..." She rushed me. "I need to speak to you in private now, it can't wait."

Before I had time to respond she had dragged me behind her to the edge of the wood line, looking around suspiciously as if someone were going to jump out on us.

"Alice what is up with you?" I asked, flustered.

"Don't speak!" She ordered me, "There isn't time, she'll be back and it has to be now. Listen, you were right this morning, I have seen something."

Her words brought me straight into an immediate state of urgency, what had she seen? Why was she panicked? My heart started to race as I waited for more.

"But things have changed; you need to listen to me very carefully…"

I held my breath, not wanting to miss a syllable, wanting to hear everything she said, "Renesmee _has _to go to Italy tomorrow. It can't be delayed. You are the only one that can make this happen."

She was speaking so fast that I felt dizzy; I thought we already were going to Italy tomorrow? But then again when was the last time someone mentioned anything about Italy? Everything was about James, maybe it had been postponed and I hadn't been listening.

"That's not all; you're being sloppy and you _cannot _let Renesmee find out about Bella and you!" She whispered urgently. "Do you understand? She can't know about 'Annie' yet."

"How do you know about Annie already?" I exclaimed in a baffled tone.

"Edward was reading your mind, how do you think I found out about my top?"

I stood silently with my mouth open trying to keep up with the vampires. "Jake, if she finds out I don't know what will happen but I know it will jeopardize everything."

"Jeopardize what? What is it you've seen?" I pressed her, eventually finding my words.

"Do you understand? You have to do whatever it takes to keep it from her."

"I understand but you have to give me more than that."

"I can't, if I did it could change something."

"What _can_ you tell me?" I pleaded desperately.

She looked at me with a look I'd never seen from her before, "I can tell you that if you don't get her on that plane tomorrow, James is going to be in more danger than he is now and if you let Renesmee find out about 'Annie' before she's ready, you are putting _everything _on the line."

"What?! Alice you have to tell me what? What is it you've seen?"

"Jake that's all I can say, Jasper and I are leaving for Italy tonight, I can't be here it's too risky, I shouldn't have even said this but things have started to get out of hand and I can't let…If I could have seen her future I'd have known to keep James out but…"She cut herself off from saying more, "Listen Jake, Renesmee is not going to Italy, you need to change it! Only you and Edward know this, keep it to yourself; tell no one! Do what I've told you. Do whatever it takes."

I was in such a state of shock and confusion that I didn't respond.

"Jake?!"

I came out of my trance with a shudder, "Yes, I understand, I'll try."

"Trying isn't enough, this must happen." She warned me and I nodded, then as if the whole subject had just closed and evaporated she smiled at me, I knew that meant someone was listening, "Right well I better go and pack!" And with that she kissed me on the cheek, flashed me one last look of urgency and then skipped back into the house.

Ahhhhh! I shouted inside my head, what had just happened? I hated vampires, their stupid magic powers and their stupid secrecy. How was I supposed to just do things without knowing how to do them or why I was doing them? Shouldn't I be in on my own future? My head ached and yet I knew that tomorrow was coming fast, and if Alice was right, I needed to get Renesmee to Italy.

When I returned into the house, it seemed as if the subject had already been thrown wide open for me. Alice must have known exactly how fast things were escalating, as I walked straight into open fire.

"Why can't we just postpone?" I heard Renesmee shouting from the front room. As I approached I was met with Emmett, Rosalie, Edward and Esme all circling her with concerned expressions.

"It's too dangerous to reschedule for a second time." Edward brought forward, "The Volturi don't like to be kept waiting."

"Well we'll explain the situation!" Renesmee begged, "We'll explain that it's life or death."

"If we piss off Aro it will most likely be death." Emmett chimed in with good humor before Rosalie scolded him with one of her evil stares.

"Nessie hunny, Carlisle and I will stay and look after James, we will keep you updated on how he is doing." Esme assured her.

"What good is an update if the update is; he's dead." She wailed.

"Maybe we should just see if they would reschedule?" Roaslie tried to help.

"No. If we ask to reschedule they will get suspicious, they will send one of their own to check on us, if they find the boy they'll either kill him or turn him." Edward warned them all.

Renesmee's face turned into an image of horror, "I can't leave him here."

That was my cue, "Yes you can Ness. Carlisle will look after him. We have a plan, it has every chance of working and he could be better within a week. "

She looked outraged that I had taken the opposing side, "But the plan might not work! And he could just die or worse, some freakish side effect, and I'll be half way across the world from him! I won't do that."

"Your safety is more important." I told her sternly.

"What than his life?" She cried in disbelief. "To you maybe but not to me."

I wasn't off to the best start.

"Renesmee, Jacob is right, it is dangerous for all of us to cancel on this arrangement now. You have to come with us tomorrow, trust Carlisle to do what he is best at." Edward instructed her calmly.

"Ness, you can't do anything for him that Carlisle can't." Emmett tried to comfort her, which I knew he was only doing to get back into Barbie's good books.

"I'm not going!" She shouted, "If you want me on that plane you'll have to drag me against my will."

_If that's what it takes_, I thought and Edward's eyes flickered towards me.

"Renesmee! You will do as you are told; I will not put us all in danger, including the boy, because you want to stay here to comfort him. He will be looked after, but you must come with us tomorrow." Edward spoke in a tone that was out of place for him, he never got mad with Renesmee, but knowing that he knew what I knew, I understood why he was acting so desperately, Renesmee however could not. She stared at him with unfamiliarity and disbelief and then fled from the scene in tears, not meeting my eye as she passed me.

No one moved to go after her as the room remained still with a sour taste in the air. Eventually Emmett broke the silence with a chuckle and a comment about cutting the air with a knife and Edward turned to me, giving me a private nod with his eyes, I knew exactly what he was telling me; to go after her.

"She will listen to you." He encouraged me in a hushed tone, "But you have to be stern, Aro will not have this any other way, you know what must be done."

I nodded; whatever it takes.

….

I found her in her room faced down in the covers, her sobs quiet from being suffocated into the bedding. The day that had dragged on and on had finally come to set and the pink light from the exhausted sun was reflecting into the bedroom, tinting everything it touched with a warm rouge glow. I entered further in but she did not stir, even as I sat myself gently onto the side of the bed next to her, letting it dip with my weight.

I waited a moment for her to turn to me, but when she didn't I decided to speak. I knew that I had to be stern but she didn't respond well to aggression so I would also have to be sneaky.

"Well that could have gone better."

She waited a long moment before turning her head slowly to meet me. Saying nothing.

"You know your dad is right, it could be dangerous for you to stay here, Aro is expecting you."

This time she replied right on cue, "I know that but James is dying and I'm the only one that is going to care about that."

I raised an eyebrow, "What are you afraid the rest of us would take a pillow to his face behind your back?"

"You would."

"I'm the one that just gave a tone of my blood cells to a test tube for the guy!" I reminded her.

"Yeah and you've probably added in some arsenic." She grumbled.

I laughed at the ridiculousness of her allegation and she joined me. She curled her legs around onto my lap and pulled my face into hers. "I need you with me on this Jake, you know how serious his condition is."

I wished it were that simple; I pulled my lips in to brush against hers once, letting her eyes flutter shut for a second before I spoke.

"Ness you have to go, I'm sorry I wish it wasn't this way but it is, you are leaving with me tomorrow morning." I tried to sound calm, knowing she would turn on me.

As expected she sat up away from me and folded her knees underneath her, glaring at me with the force of a nuclear missile, "Jake, I am not going. I'm sorry but I won't."

I could see that she was not going to back down from a steadiness in her pupils that only occurred when she was going to get her way. I pushed myself up from the bed in frustration, pacing the length of the room. "I know you're protective of him, I know you want to keep him safe but I need to keep _you_ safe. And you don't want to see how protective I can be." I warned her.

"Don't you get it? I've done this to him, it's not that I'm protective; it's that I'm responsible! I can't just leave him."

I had to put down a line; if I let her get carried away with her ideas of staying I would never be able to bring her back to sense. "Renesmee, you are not staying here with him, so hate me, blame me, whatever you need to do, but I will not put you in danger. You're not the only one who's capable of knocking someone out and slinging them over a shoulder to keep them safe."

"He could die!"

"And whether you're here or not won't change that! Look Ness, if he dies I will have to live with that but I will not be able to live with you being hunted by the Volturi." I knew if the boy didn't survive she would never forgive me.

"Aro won't do that."

" No but Jane would! Aro cannot know about James! Do you not see that, if you're here you are putting him in more danger, Aro will see you whether you come to him or not and he is not going to allow a human, infected with venom, just to stroll back into his normal life."

She hung her head in defeat, knowing at last that I was right so I continued.

"I know how much you care for him, but I care about you too much to let that stop us from making the right decision. I'm sorry, but you have to pack your things and be ready to leave with me first thing."

She stared down at her knuckles not daring to look up at me. "Yes?" I rushed her for a decision.

"Yes! Now leave me alone." She shouted with a croaky voice, which I knew meant she was battling a lump in her throat.

I left her but not because she had asked me to, because I knew she was lying. I had never won an argument with her that easily, she had something else in mind and instead of spending all night trying to figure out what it was I had decided to get myself some insurance; she wasn't the person I needed to be having this conversation with…

…

As I entered the study which now looked like a classy hotel room, thanks to Alice, I was taken back by how different James looked lying back on the sofa, long gone was the weak looking kid with the piercing eyes from that night on our doorstep. He now looked striking, I fiercely turned my head from his direction as he looked up to me, I was sure he had caught me drooling over him like a schoolgirl. He didn't say anything just sat waiting for me to break the ice.

"You look pretty good for someone of their death bed." I didn't want to fight; I wanted to grovel.

Thankfully he took the bait with pleasure, "Have they sent you in to finish me off?"

I smirked at this comment, as we both knew I was the last person anyone would send in, I was there on my own accord.

"Quite the opposite, I've been cast in the leading role of 'saving James'."

He laughed at this, "So I've heard."

When I looked up to try and catch him out and his expression remained fixed he laughed to himself. "Your cells are compatible with hers but are completely different in genetic make-up. She causes damage; she infects other human cells causing them to become abnormal, you heal cells using their own genetic tissue, your cells could cause my cells to multiply themselves and re-build organ damage, among other things."

I sighed. "I see you've done your homework."

"Renesmee has. Sounds to me like you have superpowers."

I chuckled bitterly thinking of the time I had to have all of my ribs re-broken, "Not quite." I assured him.

"So how are you going to give me these cells exactly? Another love bite?" He challenged me with a wink.

I laughed in an abrupt outburst, "No, they're going to inject them into your blood stream."

He nodded in understanding, "Sounds intimate."

I smiled at him despite myself; I couldn't help it, I had to give it to the kid, he was funny. All this crazy stuff was happening to him and he seemed more together than Edward. Then I remembered the real reason I had gone to him.

"Your organs are failing; my cells might be able to help you fix yourself. That's all." I summarized, not wanting to sound too supernatural.

He stared at me, examining my composure, "Why do I get the feeling you've come in here to deal me some sort of condition."

I sighed, he was good, and I was a dick.

"Look, I could tell you I'd let you die if you didn't help me, but I think we both know that I'm not capable of doing that. You won't die if I can help it, and you can be sure of that."

"But?" He prompted.

"But I do need your help; I need to ask you to do something."

"Well I know you don't want a kidney, so…"

I wanted to laugh but the more he spoke the less I wanted to go through with what I had gone to him to do, he was funny and as hard as I tried to hate him, I found myself liking him more and more, which was annoying as hell.

"End this thing with Renesmee." I requested abruptly, getting straight to the point before I changed my mind, Alice had given me instructions and I had to follow-through.

He didn't seem surprised; instead he just looked at me as if he was assessing something. When I hadn't spoken for a good minute he spoke. "Well…do I not get a reason?"

"This trip to Italy to 'see relatives', it's not legit. Renesmee is going for treatment; she goes there every year. It's important and it can't be rescheduled. We have to leave tomorrow."

"Now you mention it, I did happen to hear some screaming going on about me earlier."

"She won't leave you. Not unless…" I couldn't say it, I wasn't capable of half of the things I needed to do.

"…Unless I tell her to." He finished.

I nodded, "If you knew Ness as well as I do you'd know she can be particularly stubborn."

"I know her better than you might think. Jacob, can I tell you something?" He asked quietly.

"Shoot."

"The first day I met Ness, I walked her home."

"I know." I cut him off; there was nothing I hadn't heard through her.

"You don't know this." He stated sternly. I nodded apologetically and waited for him to continue.

"That day I walked her home, we stopped off at mine on the way to hers, as her place is basically in the middle of nowhere, I dropped my bag in to mine and went to tell my mum that I was heading straight back out."

"Ness waited outside. I told her to come in but she wouldn't, she wouldn't even cross the road."

That was Ness for you; she was always weary of her abilities around new people in new environments.

"The story isn't gripping so far." I teased him, pretending to fall asleep.

He laughed easily at me and patted the space next to him on the sofa, where she would sit, I sighed and lowered myself down to his level. He continued with a weight about his words, "My mum looked out the window at her when I told her; we could see Ness and she was still standing on the other side of the road. Mum said to me, "She's very pretty James," and I said, "Quite, she has bewitched me body and soul."

He had completely lost me, he looked at me to catch-on but I didn't understand it.

"It's from Pride and Prejudice. Jane Austen." He informed me but my expression was still blank. "It's a book." He sighed, "It's my mum's favorite, she's always quoting it to me."

I was still lost. "There's a film." He attempted to remind me.

"Sorry I don't watch chick flicks." I grinned.

"It doesn't matter, anyway, a month later, Renesmee and I were walking home and she told me I had nothing better to do than to walk her home every day, so I teased her by telling her I went back to the school to walk several other girls' home after I've dropped her off. She turned to meet me head on and then asked me; "And do you they bewitch you, body and soul?"

I swallowed hard but the lump in my throat rose high into my neck, the story that had up until that point been so dull, had suddenly become tense and uncomfortable, a loud silence ringing between us.

"Jane Austen? I asked her and she smiled at me and confirmed it, _Pride and Prejudice_, it's one of my favorites, you said it the first day I met you and I knew we would be friends."

_How could she have been that stupid?_

"She had forgotten when I had said it, she thought I had said it to her, but I hadn't. She could never have heard me saying that to my mum. She was too far away."

"Maybe you forgot you had repeated it to her." I tried pathetically.

"I didn't." He told me, he was sure. "I'm sick but I'm not stupid, I've known something was different about her for a long time now, and I don't know what viruses you think can cause people to gain model appearances but I sure as hell have never heard of any."

I couldn't look him in the eye, he was exposing everything and I couldn't bring myself to deny it.

"The fact that every generation of her family looks the same age, you're what thirty?" I wasn't sure whether I felt offended or flattered by this question.

"She's lied to me, they're all lying to me and I understand that it's to protect you all, I get it. But don't you lie to me too, not about this."

He was smart, I could see that, he was no fool and Renesmee was lucky that he was also insanely unflustered. He didn't seem to care that there was something unexplainable going on, the only thing he cared about was that he was in the dark. I decided to be straight with him.

"You're not wrong. They lie to protect you, but James, I'm not lying when I say that Ness needs to be on that plane to Italy tomorrow or she'll be in danger."

"And that's just a happy coincidence for you is it, that the only way to get her on it is for me to push her away."

It had nothing to do with him, that was the truth; I could tell him about the imprint, the werewolf thing or the vampire stuff but the only thing that really mattered to us both was her, that's all he needed to hear about.

"I know how it feels to be a third wheel in some all-powerful love triangle. Trust me when I tell you, it's not worth it."

He was playing with the edge of one of the million pillows Esme had submerged him with, that was another thing Renesmee and him had in common; always fiddling with stuff.

"You can't help the way you feel about someone." He muttered.

"No but you can walk away from it. Look, I know you think you love her, and you might, but in the long run it's always going to end up the same way. And I'm not saying that to be a dick. I'm saying that because I know what it's like to put everything you have into a losing battle. Save it for someone who can love you back in the same way."

"You're saying she doesn't love me."

"No I'm saying she might but it will never, never be enough."

For some reason he just took this, he didn't argue back he just sat back quietly thinking to himself. I felt a sudden urge to defend myself.

"I wouldn't ask this if I didn't need your help. It needs to come from you." I told him with all the weight of the imprint lingering on my words; I needed him to feel how powerful my love for her was, so that he could understand.

"I know…I mean…I knew she was yours anyway, I always knew she was yours, I just thought until she knew…"

I raised an eyebrow at him pretending to be unimpressed and he smiled slightly allowing a common understanding to settle between us.

"I'll do it." He assured me. "I'll tell her to go."

In that moment I realized I didn't just like him, I respected him and if my cells didn't save him I would be forever in his debt.

"Thank you James. Please, do what ever it takes."

He nodded in agreement; knowing that the only way she would leave was if he tore her out for good. Then we stayed sat together, me and the guy that started it all, and talked about the plan to save him and the uncertainty of what was to follow.

I wouldn't realize until later but those few moments alone between us would be the last we would ever share that way, and that just twenty-four hours later I would be half way across the world, fighting for my life.


	16. Chapter 15 Renesmee

Chapter 15

**Renesmee**

I woke abruptly at 3.16 AM, which I noted as I glanced briefly at the alarm clock to the left of me. My neck was stiff, which I soon realized was because my head had been resting against Jakes arm for a portion of the night. He must have slipped in while I was sleeping, which normally would seem like the most natural thing in the world to me, but not that night. I had been planning on him being set up in the guest room. His chest was rising and falling in the same rhythmic pattern that had so often sent me off to sleep, but that night I was not going to doze off back into a dream world, I had a plan and I was going to stick to it.

Everything had ran smoothly the night before. The idea had come to me at once after mum had come up to my room and informed me that everyone was going hunting to prepare for the trip and the long flight in close range with a ton of juicy humans. Jacob would be staying to look after me and Carlisle would be staying to look after James. Before bed Carlisle had injected the cells into James' arm, I watched the thick liquid disappear and prayed silently for success. After I quizzed Carlisle on every detail I could think of, gathering all the information I would need, knowing my concern for James he didn't find it the least bit suspicious. After convincing him that I was more than capable of looking after James for one night, I urged him to join the rest for the hunt, noting that once they rest of us had left, it would be a long time before he would be able to eat. With Jacob as my security they all left happily to feast. No one bothered to even suggest me leaving James again as they were all grateful I had agreed to part with him at all.

I rose silently from the bed, stopping three times to wait for Jacob to stir and settle, one thing I could always count on was that Jacob could sleep through anything, tonight however I hoped that would not be the case. I grabbed the mobile phone, which mum had left me for emergencies and I stepped into the hallway, listening for any signs that someone had come back from the hunting trip ahead of schedule; the silence convinced my vamp hearing against the idea. Downstairs I took a coat from the banister, slowly opened the front door and stepped out into the breeze, walking until I was hidden by the tree line.

I waited a long moment, after this there would be no going back, I didn't want to do it, I hated myself already, but they had left me no choice. I took out the phone and dialed the number, my hands were shaking, if he didn't pick up it would all be over. After one too many rings I started to panic, what would I do if he didn't answer.

Upstairs I could hear the land phone ringing in the bedroom, I shut my eyes and hoped he would wake. I was just about to hang up when he picked up.

"Hello?" Jacob slurred, clearly still not fully conscious, I only had one chance at this, if I got it wrong he would never leave.

It had started and I had to play my part.

"Jake?" I asked shakily, trying to sound scared.

"Ness?!" he asked urgently, worry sobering him into reality within seconds. I could imagine him scanning the bed frantically. "Ness where are you?!"

Keeping myself sounding vulnerable I answered on cue, "Jake, I'm at the cottage, I wanted to get some things before the trip. Can you come over here I'm scared." I said timidly.

I could hear him pacing around, searching frantically for shorts. "What time is it?...Renesmee it's the middle of the night! Why the hell would you leave without telling me? What's happened?" he rushed me.

I had to think quickly, " I couldn't sleep, I wanted to get my bracelet from the house, Mum had forgotten it. I was mad, I didn't want you to come with me. But now I'm alone in the house, and I think someone is here. I'm hiding in the cupboard.' I told him convincingly.

He sounded instantly panicked, "What do you mean you think someone is there?"

"I heard a noise. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come. Can you come and get me?"

I had done it; I knew he would not object. "Stay exactly where you are Ness! O.k. don't move! I'm on my way."

The phone went dead, I placed the phone into the coat pocket and waited, a tear streamed down my face. I didn't recognize myself, but I whipped it quickly with the back of my hand, I didn't have time to regret. A moment later I saw Jacob emerge from the house in a blur of impatience, I hid behind the closest tree and waited for him to pass me and run by. Once I knew he was out of range, I ran without pause back towards the house.

Back in my room I took the two bags, I had packed before bed, from the cupboard, I took two letters I had written and placed them both on the bed, one to Jacob and the other to my parents.

Downstairs, I rushed around the study in frenzy, taking the last things I needed. James awoke from the noise of me knocking over a test tube and picking up papers from the desk.

He rubbed his eyes sleepily. "What are you doing?"

"Get up. We have to leave. Now."

James scrunched up his brow in confusion, "Where are we going?"

I did not stop to talk, I shouted at him from over my shoulder. "I'll take all of this to the garage, we're taking the Volvo. Get up! It has to be now, we haven't got much time!"

James was now sitting up, his complexion was returning to its usual state, which I noted but didn't have time to appreciate. "Renesmee! What are you doing?"

I spun around to him desperately, "James I do not have time to explain! You need to trust me o.k. All I need you to do is get up and go down into the garage, wait for me in the car, the keys are here."

I took the keys from my pocket and handed them to him.

He became very agitated and stood up in a worry, shaking his head violently. "Who know's about this?"

"No one! Look, I've got some money and I've been watching Carlisle, I know how to monitor you and the progression we are looking for, I know how to read the charts and how to check your blood pressure and liver function…"

"What do you mean? What you're kidnapping me?"

"Don't joke with me! There isn't time. Jake will be back any moment. And he'll be beyond angry."

I should have not spoken, as the mention of Jake must have stirred something within James, he suddenly became more aware, less flustered and more calm and decisive. I would not know at this point why.

James walked over to me and pulled at my arm. "Stop Renesmee."

"…We don't have time to stop, or think, you grab those pillows and I'll bring the charts, I've packed some things by the door. James if we don't go now…."

"STOP!"

I had never seen him angry; his face was a wash of scarlet. "What is it? You have to keep your voice down."

"I'm not leaving with you." There was no telling if he was being apologetic or dismissive but one thing that was apparent was that he was sure.

"Why not? It's the only way I can keep you safe, I can help you."

"Carlisle is helping me. He's been helping me since I got here."

"Yes but…but I mean care for you, look after you; not just check your charts."

"Checking my charts **is** caring for me Ness." He caught himself on my cute pet name and swallowed correcting himself quickly, "Renesmee, and giving me food, pillows, checking my temperature, checking my blood pressure, bringing me water; they've all been caring for me."

"I know that, but they're going to make me leave you James! "

At this he became calm, he looked at me in the eyes struggling with a deep affection.

"I know."

"Then you know that we need to go now."

"I don't want to. Your family have looked after me until now; they will look after me while you're away. Don't worry, they'll care for me."

"They won't! Not the way you need it, not the way I care for you."

There was a long silence; my heart was thrashing against my chest, why didn't he understand? We didn't have time for a debate, another few minutes and it would be too late. James kept my eye for a long moment; I could feel my pupils glazing over, desperation becoming me. This was my only chance, my only way of staying near him, knowing he was all right.

"Yesterday when you came to my house, what were you going to say?"

His question caught me off guard; I gave him a look of confusion.

"When you broke into my back gate," he reminded me.

I was becoming angry, he was ruining everything, "James we don't have time for…"

"What were you looking for?" He pressed.

I dropped my effort; he was not going to leave unless I convinced him. "You," I confessed to him simply, I relaxed further into the room, drawing nearer to him.

"Why?"

"I needed to see you. You had covered for me, protected me, back at the school. I couldn't leave without saying thank you."

"You felt like you owed me something?"

"No. I just…I knew you deserved better. You deserved an explanation. I needed to tell you why I couldn't be with you."

"Tell me now." He encouraged me gently.

"James…" I tried to protest.

"Tell me." He repeated.

I stood stroking strands of my hair from my damp face as I gathered myself to speak.

"I liked you from the first time you walked me home; I liked everything about you. I still do. But when Jacob found out about the kiss, everything changed. I realized that what had always been there between Jacob and I, was much bigger than anything I had known. I didn't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you."

Why couldn't he see that I needed to keep him safe?

"I couldn't be with you then, but I can't be without you now. Not until I know you're o.k."

The words seemed to make James more static; he dropped the pillow I had trusted into his hands and moved back towards his bed.

"I know you care for me, but I don't feel the same way anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"You did this to me, why would I trust you to fix it. You caused it." He spat.

I flinched in shock. "You don't mean that."

"I do. I've tried to convince myself you haven't done anything wrong, but you have. You put me in danger, you knew you were infected, you bit me! Broke up with me and then tried to leave me without as much as a goodbye."

"James I…you know I…"

He held up a hand aggressively, "Save it. I trust your family a lot more to do what has to be done to keep me alive, than I do you."

"O.K." I think I said, it must have seeped out of me unintentionally, separate from my mind, I was apart from myself, drifting aimlessly, trying to make sense of what had just been said.

"I'm sorry Renesmee, I have to stay here. I'll be o.k. but I want you to leave with your family tomorrow."

My whole body had gone into shock. I had never imagined James to be able to hurt me, but my legs had turned numb, unable to move. I slowly tried to turn away from him.

"Renesmee?" He stopped me, "Jacob…you… were you really willing to leave him behind, for me?"

I turned to face him, tears threatening to spill for him.

"He left me no other choice. I needed to…I need to know you are going to be O.K."

At this I swear I could see a falter in James' stern expression, but what ever it was he quickly fixed it and swallowed air.

"I'm going to be o.k. I promise, let me look after myself from here."

I nodded once. Unable to speak. He hated me and I could not blame him for it.

"It would have been better if we had never met."

The words hit me like he was throwing bricks. I whimpered slightly, not wanting to cry. "If that's what you believe."

He stared at me, a sense of sadness far behind his eyes. It felt as if he had been ready for me, knew this moment was coming long before I did, he was calm, unmoved. "Tell me I'm wrong." He challenged me.

I did not break his gaze. Thinking back to the last month of hell, I could not say with certainty it was worth the sweet months we had together beforehand. The pain we had caused for each other and for everyone around us was too large of a sacrifice for our pathetically doomed love story. I shock my head simply once, confirming my agreement. Then before he could hurt me anymore, I turned away, I put down the papers in my hand.

"I'm sorry you got hurt." I whispered with my back turned, and as I walked away from him I knew he understood that I didn't just mean his neck.

I continued out of the room without turning back, tears streaming down my face. One of the people I thought could never hate me, hated me fiercely. James blamed me for everything, and I knew he was lost to me as a friend forever.

I stepped out the front door with the envelope and waited silently on the steps for Jacob to return and kill me.

Ten long minutes later Jacob appeared in the driveway. Out of breath and looking crazed. He caught my eye quickly and stopped dead in his tracks. Taking me in, watching me for signs of distress or injury. I held his gaze bravely.

"What the fuck is going on?" he asked still panting and confused.

I stood to meet him. Bracing myself.

"Are you o.k.? I thought you were at the cottage! I've been worried crazy!"

"I'm o.k. Nothing happened. I lied to you. I never left."

"What the hell are you playing! I was worried bloody sick Renesmee!"

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I don't give a crap if you're sorry! You've gone too far this time! What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't. I just…I had to do something."

"Do what?! Scare me shitless? Send me off in the middle of the night? Lie to me!"

"I know, I know you're angry."

"Angry! No angry would be something else. This is complete shock! This is; my imprint just tricked me into thinking she was being hunted so that I would loose my mind and go crazy."

I was shaking in the cold night air, my guilt was overwhelming.

"Renesmee, you better start explaining yourself this second."

I reached and took the letter from out of my pocket, Jacob looked at it curiously as I handed it to him.

"What's this?"

"Read it and find out."

He looked at me coldly and started to open and read the letter…

Jake,

I know you will not forgive me for this for a long time, but you must believe I felt there was no other way. I have left with James, I can't say where. I couldn't be apart from him before I knew he was going to be o.k. None of you will understand that but I just couldn't, and I will not return until he is better.

Jacob I need you to know, this was not about love; my heart is yours. I promise you that. I love you more than I could ever write.

Please forgive me.

Nessie. XXX

He re-read it again and then folded it. Pausing before returning his cold gaze upon me.

"You were going to run off with him?"

I nodded once.

"So? Why are you still here?" He asked in a dark and quiet voice.

I swallowed, "James would not leave with me." At those words I crumbled, tears streamed and my words started to stutter, "he hates me, he didn't want to stay with me, he wanted me to go to Italy."

At these words Jacob miraculously softened. His only his body remained cold and stiff.

"I asked James to push you away. I asked him to make you come. I hope you believe that I also felt there was no other way."

The shock washed over me with equal measure of relief. Ofcourse. Jake had told James to resist. He must have told James everything, James cared that much that he would do what was needed of him.

"Will you come to Italy with me tomorrow?"

I looked up to him in shock, after what both men had sacrificed that night for me to go to Italy. I could do nothing but comply.

I nodded once. "O.k."

"Thank you. Now let's not speak of it again." He walked slowly towards me, stopped just by me and brushed his hand quickly through my hair. "Let's go back to bed." He instructed and then walked past me and back into the house.

xxxxx

James,

In true Austen style; a devoted farewell letter…

I couldn't bring myself to say the things I wanted to say to you this morning to your face. I came down early and watched you resting from the doorway for as long as I felt I could risk without waking you, taking pleasure in the way your face has become less attractive since our late night feud. Luckily for you its original state is only slightly less attractive to look at. Carlisle and I are certain the cells are working wonders and that you will make a full recovery within days.

Thank you for being brave enough to cross me last night and refuse to leave with me. I realize now it was against your wishes. My wishes are for you to recover and be happy, I could not hope for this more fiercely. I don't doubt that by the time I return you will have moved on, and I expect that one day this unfortunate turn of events will seem less confusing for you and that I will have become nothing but a distant thought in the vastness of your full and thriving life.

One thing I will tell you is; you were wrong. I do not, nor will I ever, wish we had never met. Maybe that is selfish but I could never take back such a perfect and untouchable first kiss as ours. I at least hope that you think back on our short time together with fondness, I know I forever will.

Promise to look after yourself for me James and I promise to return the favour.

Yours Briefly,

Renesmee x

PS. "She was convinced that she could have been happy with him, when it was no longer likely that they should meet again." – Pride & Prejudice.

I had left the letter with Carlisle to give to him after we left. Jacob had not uttered one word about the night's events to anyone, and we had set off to Italy on schedule. Looking out of the aeroplane window at the miles and miles stretched between us now, I imagined James reading it to himself. I hoped it brought him closure.

Jacob from the seat next to me, brushed his hand gently around to the front of my neck, brushing a handful of hair aside so that he could rest his head comfortably onto the dip in my shoulder. "You o.k.?"

I rested my head against his, taking a deep breath and letting everything back in forks leave me, and letting my thoughts on James settle to the back of my mind, far out of the way. "Better now," I assured him. Whatever was waiting for us in Italy I was ready for, and as I slipped my hand into Jakes, I was overcome with a sad relief; Relief that I didn't have to leave him, and relief that I could finally let go of my hold on James, once and for all, knowing he would return to the same way he was the day we first said 'hello.'


End file.
